Monday Motivation... 2019 Resolutions

I LOVE the New Year.

I am pretty sure I say this every year... but every year it is true.

I love the fresh start that the new year offers. I love the idea of leaving the old behind and embracing the new. I love the possibilities the next 12 months hold. I love that there is potential for improving myself and my life. I love the idea of starting over.

Yes, you cynical person who is shaking your head because we obviously can make these changes on any given day, I know you are out there and I do realize that your argument is valid. We CAN make changes on any given day. You may want to remind me that there is no more reason to hope on December 31 than there is on July 31. You may want to bring to my attention that all the troubles I had on December 31 are likely still here today. You may think I am silly for making resolutions when they are so often broken within weeks.

That's fine. Be cynical. You do you. I'm gonna do me and that means I'm gonna totally love the heck out of the new year.

I wanted to find a scripture to support my desire to make resolutions and was confronted with one consistent Biblical truth...

God makes the plans.

From Genesis to Revelation, people made plans and God upset them with His own plans... better plans... plans that had an eternal impact... plans that accomplished His purpose.

I want my life to make an eternal impact. I want it to matter that I was here. I am not foolish enough to think that God would use me as He used those whose lives are recorded in Scripture. That's not at all what I'm proposing. I just want to spread a little love, a little joy. I want to share Jesus with a few people and, in doing so, encourage them. I want my life to give others hope... if God can use me, he can use ANYBODY. Goodness, if God took the time to save me, He will save ANYBODY.

That being said, I have one resolution for 2019.

I want to be more like Jesus.

Now we all know I can't just leave it there....

I want my life to reflect more of Jesus. I want my attitude to be more like that of Jesus. I want to love more of what He loves and hate more of what He hates. I want to be filled to overflowing with His love. I want to Fruit of the Spirit to grow in me so much that it is what characterizes me. I want to BE Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control. I want to love people like He does. I want to SEE them like He does. I want to be filled with compassion for people who are struggling in sin and I want to share the hope that Christ offers with them.

I've been a Christian for a while and I am a very different woman than I was before I knew Christ. Even so, there are things that I have struggled with all my life, things that I have held on to either because I thought they were insignificant or because I like them. (honesty is brutal) I gave up lots of  things and changed lots of other things quite easily when I started following Jesus. Over time, the Holy Spirit has moved in me and prompted me to change other things, but the truth is, I haven't changed much since I first came to know Christ.

I want to be more like Jesus.

When 2019 comes to a close, I do not want to be the same woman I am today.  I want to be changed. I want to be noticeably changed. For once, I know exactly what I want that to look like...

more like Jesus.

Happy New Year!
K

Friday (Re) Focus - Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

We use this verse for all sorts of situations and circumstances. We SAY "God knows best" or "God gives us what we NEED" but what does that really look like?

I'd like to share one example from my own life....

My sister in law, my younger brother's wife, lives about 2 hours from her parents now, but she goes home for everyone's birthdays. Her entire family gathers to celebrate holidays, birthdays, graduations, births, engagements, and other life events. This extends beyond her immediate family to her aunts, uncles, and cousins. 

I was envious of this for a long time. 

My family, consisting of both sets of parents and my siblings, nieces and nephews, are more of the attitude of "if you need me, I'm here." Please understand, I've never been denied anything I needed from any of them. I've never been turned away when I wanted to visit. I do not feel disconnected from them or anything like that. We just all have our own lives. We are loosely connected rather than tightly woven.

I wanted to be tightly woven. 

Had I grown up in a tightly woven family that gathered to celebrate every life event, it would have been nearly impossible for me to fully embrace my life and role as a pastor's wife. It would have caused conflict in my marriage if my heart's desire was to travel 6 hours (12 round trip) to go home for every family life event.  I would not have been able to be fully involved in our church family if I consistently missed church events because I was going home... or would have had a nasty attitude over being forced to choose one over the other. 

God withheld the close knit family I wanted from me.

He did this, knowing that being woven so tightly to my biological family would hinder my ministry and my place (and peace) as Calvin's wife. 

I am so thankful that God reveals this and so many other things to me. My history with God helps me trust Him more. The longer I know Him, the easier it is to trust that His way is best...

...especially when what I want to have is not what He wants to give. 

Much love and big big hugs, 

K

Thursday thoughts on.... 100 things from 2018

Each year, my friend Shellie and I compose a list of 100 things. I think we've done this for 3 or 4 years. It's not life changing. Nothing super insightful about it. Just 100 things. I think that, as time goes on, I will find these lists nostalgic or comical. We'll see.

Anyway... here's this year's list.

1. Brian and Tayler got engaged!
2. Dailyn Shea was born!
3. Pops got saved and Baptized!!!!
4. Grandma Jackie Died.
5. Jess and Drew got married!
6. Had my 46th birthday
7. Billy Graham died
8. Izzy turned 13
9. Brian turned 19
10. Calvin turned 52
11. Toys R us closed
12. IHOB
13. Baker had a hip replaced.
14. "Free Lunch for Me!!!!!!" - Olivia 
15. I was actually interested in the mid-term elections
16. I had 2 injections into my cord to "plump" it up so that I won't get strangled as easily.
17. Doc Schweinfurth broke his leg.
18. Winter Olympics - South Korea
19. Did my first (and second) Craft show!
20. Sold first painting for over $150
21. Shipped paintings as far north as Minnesota and as far south as Florida
22. Spoke at a ladies event (at our church) about how my relationship w/ Christ helped me recover from my suicide attempt
23. Baby its Cold outside controversy
24. Kate Spade committed suicide
25. Anthony Bourdain committed Suicide
26. Neil Simon died
27. Burt Reynolds died
28. New Orleans voted 8th worst city to live in 
29. Memphis voted 5th worst place to live
30. Nolan Reese was born
31. Ryan and Kara got married
32. Meghan Markle
33. Stephen Hawking Died.
34. Charles Krutheimer died
35. Eagles won the Super Bowl
36. George WH Bush (POTUS 41) died
37. Barbara Bush Died
38. Unemployment lowest since 1969
39. Shooting at Tree of Life Synagogue
40. Tide Pods. 
41. Yodelling Walmart Kid
42. Jeff Sessions
43. Yanny vs. Laurel
44. Roseanne got kicked off her own show because of a Tweet.
45. "In my feelings" challenge
46. "challenges" in general.... 
47. Text Messages from President Trump
48. School Shooting - Parkland Fl
49. "Space Force"
50. Stormy Daniels
51. Micheal Cohen
52. Kim Jong Un / Trump Meeting
53. John McCain died
54. Brett Kavanaugh
55. Kavanaugh confirmed 50 to 48
56. Elizabeth Warren - DNA Test
57. Child Immigrants being separated from their parents
58. Camp Fire in California
59. Hurricane Michael
60. Aretha Franklin died
61. Nike - Collin Kaepernick
62. Nick and Reagan Tanksley
63. Golden State Killer (Joseph DeAngelo Jr) was arrested 
64. Computer types words you think (MIT)
65. Bill Cosby Convicted of sexual assault
66. Brian got Coskey Scholarship
67. Second Royal Wedding 
68. Went to Shellie's Christmas Open House at Clyde and Marie's
69. Riverdale
70. Rick left The Walking Dead
71. Found out that our area is a hub for sex trafficking (I-20 and I-55 intersect here)
72. Learned that Sex Traffickers can grab a girl and have her out of the US in 48 hours
73. Brian at New Orleans
74. Memes
75. Peyton's Dad diagnosed w cancer
76. BJ and April Shows came on staff for Youth at Pearson
77. Brazilian Wax job
78. Ladies Christmas Tablescape Dinner... Choose Joy
79. Myles Davis completed Chemo
80. Brant and Emily Married. 
81. Brant moved from Youth to Children
82. Izzy the Deer Slayer
83. Brian worked at the Gym at the Seminary, then at Hibitt Sports, and played drums at Canal Street Church 
84. Opioid Epidemic
85. Uber
86. 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King's Assassination
87. Learned to paint trees
88. 100 day challenge for me... fail
89. "lonliness" epidemic
90. Brian started "Being Christian" podcast
91. Brian asked to be Site Director for Mission Lab
92. Brian asked to be on panel to answer questions concerning a potential grant to the seminary
93. Calvin president of Pastor's conf. 
94. To Tennessee for Christmas - the weekend after Christmas.
95. Saw all my siblings at Christmas
96. Best Christmas lights ever - Christmas eve with Iz and the Copelands
97. Payton, Mary Elizabeth, and Olivia joined the Upstairs crew
98. Best Christmas - relaxed time w family and friends, Christmas Eve service, Christmas lights, peace in my heart
99. If something is shipped to you in error, you do not have to return it. Federal law says a company cannot make you pay for something you did not order.
100. Last year to work for Chuck.

Wednesday's Weekly Recipe - NEW YEAR's Day must-haves

I have only recently been made aware that, in other parts of America, all holidays do not revolve around food. I am still trying to wrap my brain around this.

While I am learning that New Year's Day is about football and stuff for some, for me it is still mostly about the food... and resolutions... but that is a post for another day....maybe tomorrow.

Growing up, my mama ALWAYS made sure that we had the traditional (evidently traditionally SOUTHERN) New Year's Day meal. Even now, she will call to make sure that we all had our Black Eye Peas, Greens and Hog Jowl.

I never questioned it. It's just what you must do.

First, Black Eyed peas. Cook them however you want. (Some people eat exactly 365 peas, one for every day of the year.) I put hog jowl in mine and cook 'em nice and slow.  (I do not count out 365) You can also make Hoppin John, if that's more to your liking. (link to recipe)

Rumor has it the Southern-based tradition started during the Civil War. Apparently, Union General Sherman and his troops raided the Confederate food supplies but left the black-eyed peas and salted pork, thinking they were animal foods. The Confederate soldiers considered this good fortune since they still had food left to eat.

Second, you must have greens. Now, everything I read says that you must have Collards, but mama cooked turnip greens...at least that's what she told us. (maybe I should check on that) I don't THINK it matters... the point is that they are green... like money. I cook mine with butter and bacon.

Greens are among the healthiest Southern foods (well...until you cook them in  bacon and butter, of course). There's also a pretty good reason Southerners eat greens around New Years: they're still in season! Cabbage and collard greens are both late crops in America, so it just makes sense that's the fresh green we eat on New Year's.

Finally, Hog jowl. This is like, really (really) thick bacon. Mama says you have to eat hog jowl, but in reality, any pork will do. Ham is a nice substitute and rounds out your meal nicely.

The very last thing... I almost forgot... is cornbread. Now, I read that this is because it is gold like... well, gold... keeping with the whole "wealth and luck" theme. HOWEVER... there is a much more practical reason for cooking a batch of cornbread... it is practically a sin to eat greens or peas without it!

So there you have it. Gettin 2019 off to a good start with our traditional (albeit superstitious) New Year's Day meal.


Enjoy!
K

Friday (Re) Focus - My Story - Part 2

Last week I shared "my story" up to the time I met and married Calvin. Today I'll pick up there.

Calvin and I married in 1997. In January of that same year, Calvin became the youth Pastor at our church. In 1999, we had our first child. In 2004, I changed careers, from hair dresser to banker. In 2005, we had our second child. All of this was very...normal.  Just life,  adjusting to marriage, adjusting to different stages of ministry, adjusting to parenthood. I enjoyed leading Ladies' Bible Study, teaching Sunday School, singing in the choir, and leading Children's worship. God had changed me. I wanted to serve Him and lead others to a relationship with Him. My relationship with Christ changed everything about who I am and even in the early stages of my journey following Him, I wanted to share what He'd done in me. 

In January of 2009, I started this blog. Initially, I just wanted somewhere to record my thoughts on ministry, being a pastor's wife, and what not. Life was rocking along just fine. God was growing me. He was showing me all the many ways He is active in my life and in the lives of those I love. He showed me time and time again that prayer is powerful and that He is acutely aware of the goings on in my life and in the lives of others.. I thought I had it all together, serving God and doing all the right stuff to show others how to live good, Christian lives.

The last week of January 2009, I was diagnosed with cancer.  I recorded most of that journey here, so I won't go into detail, only to say that I was and am thankful that God drew me to himself years before this event. He grew me and revealed himself to me in so many ways up to this time that it was natural to lean into him when I started this journey. In April of 2009, I was officially "clear" of cancer and began the follow up monitoring. Slowly, my voice recovered and I began teaching, singing, and doing all the things I'd done before cancer put a bump in the road.

In the summer of 2011, I was diagnosed with cancer again. I recorded less of this journey here on the blog. I required radiation along with surgeries and I was not as positive going into the whole thing. I was upset, even angry, that God would allow this to happen again. Looking back, I see that it was necessary. Up to then, I put a limit on my trust. I'd trust God with something, but on my terms, within my time frame. This second bout with cancer pushed me beyond those limits. I truly had to give up all control and completely trust that He knew best... even if "best" was me permanently losing my voice. This was huge and took a long time to happen, but this second bout with cancer allowed me the opportunity to really see how God moves in the midst of seriously uncomfortable circumstances. It allowed me to see how God works through my hardship to bless others. The second time I had cancer, I learned to be available, open, and willing to share His love...even when I was hurting.

I thought that cancer would be my "battle." I thought that I would forever return to that point in time when God walked me through the cancer valley. I didn't realize that this was only preparing me for yet a deeper valley.

I'm not going to camp out here, only long enough to mention that I tried to end my life in the summer of 2017.  I spent 18 months working my way out of that valley... by far the deepest and darkest valley I've ever known. I shared most of that journey here over the past 2 years. 

Today, I see God's fingerprints all over my life.  There are all sorts of little things that come to mind that I will write about later. Today I just want to say that as I look over my life, I see God everywhere. He prepared me for each of the valleys I've traveled through and He never left me. He allowed situations and circumstances that stretched my faith. I feel sure that He will continue to do this, as it brings me closer to Him.

It is natural for me to follow Him. It is natural for me to love Him. He saved me, in every sense on the word. He gave me life. He gave me purpose. I want others to know the love I have found in my Savior. I want others to know that there is a God and that He loves them. 

Christmas is in a few days. What a perfect image to end today's post with. Mary and Joseph had a plan for their life together. God upset that plan and turned their lives upside down. Thank goodness he did! God provided the way to save the world through them. 

I want my heart to be like Mary's. I want to willing serve Him however He chooses to use me.

“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her. Luke 1:38

Big Hugs

K

I mentioned before that I want to hear your story. That hasn't changed. You can share in the comments or via email. Thanks to those who have shared via email. I appreciate your trusting me with your stories.  I won't share those who have not given me permission to do so. Thanks again!

Thursday's Thoughts on... Snow

I live less than 3 hours from the Gulf of Mexico, smack in the middle of the state of Mississippi. We have 100+ degree summers, which are the trade off for only needing a coat and gloves a few days a year. Winter is mild. Snow is rare. Very rare.

Snow Fascinates me.

It's quiet. It's peaceful. It falls gently, silently. It slowly makes the barren, lifeless, boring winter landscape sparkle as if covered with diamonds. It stills the busy-ness of the world with an audible hush and covers all the earths imperfections with a pure and unblemished blanket of white.

Makes me think of Jesus and what He has done in my life.

He quiets my fears, covers my imperfections, and makes my plain-ness sparkle like diamonds as His love radiates from me. He envelopes my fearful heart and quiets my anxieties with an audible hush, leaving only the peaceful quietness that comes from being covered in His love.


Just my thoughts...
K

Wednesday's Weekly Recipes - Cole Slaw

The thing that separates this recipe from others is that the cabbage and carrots are shredded SO fine. I love it so much! (Compliments of South Your Mouth)

INGREDIENTS:  
 1 head of cabbage, finely shredded
 1 carrot, finely shredded
 1/2 cup mayonnaise
 1/3 cup granulated sugar
 1/3 cup milk 3
 tablespoons white vinegar
 3/4 teaspoon salt
 1/2 teaspoon pepper


 INSTRUCTIONS: 
  Add shredded cabbage and carrot to a large mixing bowl; set aside.

  In a smaller bowl, combine remaining ingredients and mix well.

  Add mayonnaise mixture to cabbage and carrots and mix well.

  Cover tightly and refrigerate until ready to serve.

Enjoy!
K

Tuesday Tips and Tricks - Traveling To and Fro

My kiddos are old enough now that traveling is no big deal, but I do remember the scheduling required when I wanted to travel with them when they were little.

Of course, you can limit your car-imprisoned-interaction with your kids to things like
"I'm the parent, that's why."
"You should have peed before we left."
"We will get there when we get there."
"Be Quiet." 

While the whole "I'm the parent, you're the kid and I don't want to be in this car any more than you do... so be quiet" might insure you a mostly quiet car ride... it isn't much fun... for anyone.

Here are a few kid friendly traveling tips that most parents (except for the newest ones) have figured out. Maybe they will help with your holiday travels. If you have others, please share in the comments!

Let them sleep. If you have little bitties, or if you have grumpy older kids, your best defense may be to travel while they sleep. I have often left late or left really early so that mine would sleep most of the way. My Christmas trip is about 6 hours, so if I could work it out so that they slept the first (or last) 3-4 hours, I could manage the rest.

If sleeping isn't an option... or if your trip is longer, maybe these ideas will help.

Give yourself enough time. I started enjoying my trips home when I stopped limiting the drive time to the exact number of hours that the GPS said it should take me. I give myself enough time to stop along the way. Few families enjoy being rushed, even if a few members do.

Stop along the way. Last year we stopped at Enid Lake. Nothing spectacular or life changing, but I'd been passing the exit to Enid lake for about 30 years and wanted to see what it looked like. We enjoyed getting out and stretching our legs and the scenery was pretty. It only set us back a few minutes and... well, we ENJOYED it.  There is an outlet mall along our route as well. If the timing is right, we may stop there this year.

Pack snacks and drinks. I saw the cutest thing on Pinterest.  Have I done it? Nope. (Have I done anything I've pinned? Prolly not.) But I might. Maybe this year. Maybe not. Who knows? I do take snacks tho.... just not packaged as cute as these.

Sing. 

Play games. The Alphabet game gets brutal with my bunch. There are tons of games to play in the car. You can find some for the littles here. Some for older kids and adults can be found here.

Tell stories.  Tell the kids about the day they were born, how you met your spouse, things they did when they were little. Share your favorite childhood memories or stories about your siblings (especially fun if they are going to be seeing them at your destination)

Just talk.  I will never forget, once I was talking to my older child about what he wanted to be when he grew up. He gave me a long and thoughtful answer. I then asked my younger child. She promptly replied "I'm gonna be a frog."  The car is a great place to find out why they like their best friend, who their fave teacher is, what their top 10 favorite foods are, etc.

It's all too easy to miss the opportunity to enjoy your family on road trips. How many other opportunities do we have these days where we are together got multiple consecutive hours with no distractions? Take advantage of the time!

Much love and big hugs!
K

Friday (Re) Focus - My Story - Part 1

The first time I realized that God knew who I was, I was little... maybe 7 or 8. My mom was the choir director in our church. I was doing my spelling words on a pew while I waited for the choir to complete their weekly practice. The song they were practicing was "the Majesty and Glory of Your Name," based on Psalm 8.   The song talks of the stars and moon and how the same one who created them is mindful of man.

In my child brain, I loosely connected the Bible stories I'd learned in Sunday School with the idea that the God I'd been taught about knew me.

I left the sanctuary in search of Brother Shauf, our pastor. I remember crying and not being sure why. I told him what I was feeling and thinking and he told me that not only is God aware of me, he wants a relationship with me. He went on to tell me that I cannot have a relationship with God because of sin and he explained what sin is. Then he told me that Jesus came and died on the cross to pay for my sin so that when I stand before God, my sin is forgiven. He also told me that on Easter, Jesus rose from the dead so that I can live forever in heaven once my life here is over. I asked Jesus to save my soul that night.

I was 21 the next time I came face to face with my need for Jesus. I'd lived my life with no thought of Jesus or sin or heaven. I was a hairdresser then. One of my clients invited me to her church. I went and in a short time joined a small group lead by the pastor. He and I became friends. One day, sitting in his office, discussing my history and the guilt associated with my bad choices, he asked me if I believed that God could forgive me for my sin. I told him yes and he asked why I thought I couldn't forgive myself. He went on to tell me that when God forgives, he separates our sin as far from us as far as the east is from the west... and that's a straight line.

In that moment I remembered what Brother Shauf told me all those years ago about God wanting a relationship with me and how that was possible. I put this with this new understanding of forgiveness and knew that I wanted this. I wanted a relationship with God. I wanted to follow Christ. I wanted to be a Christian.

"Getting saved" and "Giving my life to Christ" are accurate but not complete descriptions of what happened to and in me. Yes, I was saved from eternity in hell by the sacrifice and mercy of Jesus Christ. Yes, I did stop living for myself, looking for ways to satisfy myself and began living in a way that I believed God wanted me to. There is so much more to it than that tho. I started changing. Immediately, my language cleaned up and I stopped drinking and going out. I started praying more, reading my Bible and also reading Christian books. I changed the music I listened to.

In time, my relationship with Christ changed everything about who I am. The things that move me changed. The things I desire changed. My wants changed.

It wasn't long after this that I met Calvin.  About a year later, we married.

That's enough for today. I'll pick up there next week.

Much love and big hugs...
K

Thursday's Thoughts on... How I feel about Santa and stuff

For years, I've struggled to balance "Jesus is the reason for the season" with "I'll be home for Christmas," and "Santa Clause is comin' to town." I've found it difficult to find a balance. It seems that Family and Tradition overshadow celebrating Jesus's birth even when gift giving and Santa do not. I want to make peace with all of it. Can we love Jesus most and still celebrate all the other things that happen at Christmas Time?

Santa visited my older child, but not my younger. My older child is not a Jesus hater because Santa visited him and my younger is not in therapy because Santa didn't visit her. Given the opportunity to do her childhood over again, I would likely invite Santa back into our home, simply because now I see that Santa isn't really the issue. It doesn't seem to be "Santa" that takes children's eyes off Christ so much as it is the focus on gift giving... or gift receiving.

Here's what's in my heart...

Jesus IS the reason for the Season. He is. Goodness He has given us SO much to celebrate! He has given us people to love. He has given us beautiful lights and music and all sorts of wonderful things to delight our senses. I love Christmas. I love everything about it and I don't feel one bit guilty about being crazy in love with all of it. I don't think it is necessary for me to prove I love Jesus on December 25 because I love Him the other 364 days of the year too. I am thankful... DEEPLY thankful for all the things He has given me and I want to enjoy all of it. The little people in my life will hear me thank Jesus for the gifts He has given me. The people in my life know that I love and follow Jesus daily.  That is so much more important to me than them knowing that I do or don't invite Santa into my home or whether I say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays.

I think that focusing on Jesus and my relationship with him every day eliminates the need to make a statement at Christmas. I don't think anyone who knows me has any doubt about my relationship with Christ, so I'm going to celebrate Christmas. I'm going to soak it all in. I'm going to sing the songs, enjoy the lights, savor the foods and love the people God has given me....not because any of these are more important to me than Jesus, but because I am so incredibly thankful that He has blessed me with all of them!

Just my Thoughts,
K

Wednesday's Weekly Recipes- Cornbread Dressin' - It's not just for Thanksgiving

Dressin' is a funny thing. First of all, most everyone I know has a strong opinion about what "good" dressin' is.  Some like a lot of sage. Some don't. (I vote NO to sage-y dressin'.) Some like it dry and crumbly, others like it more of a quiche consistency. I have come to the conclusion that it absolutely depends on how your mama made it. Most recipes are passed down through generations and are more of a "pinch of this and pinch of that til it looks and tastes right" than actual recipes.

In looking for an actual recipe to share, I was SHOCKED at how many recipes there are for "Southern Cornbread Stuffing." Sweet Jesus! "Southern STUFFING??"  

Does such a thing exist????

In my house, in my mama's house, at my sister's, my Nan's and at my Grandma's, and at alllll my friends' houses, we eat Cornbread Dressin'.  Here's a basic recipe:

Ingredients
1 full recipe Cornbread (I use a 9" pan and usually make two... because when I make it, I don't go by a specific recipe, I just add til it "looks right". I also use day old corn bread)
3 pieces sliced sandwich bread or 3 buttermilk biscuits (I don't add this to mine)
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon rubbed sage (optional)
3 large eggs
1 medium onion, diced
2 stalks celery, diced
1/2 cup butter, sliced
4 cups cream of chicken soup
6 cups chicken stock


Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350º F.
2. In a skillet over medium heat, sauté onion and celery in oil (or butter) until softened, 4 to 5 minutes.
3. Crumble all of the cornbread and biscuits (or white bread slices) into a large bowl. Add salt, pepper, eggs, onion, celery, butter, cream of chicken soup, and chicken stock. Stir until well-combined.
4. Pour dressing into two 9x13 baking dishes and bake until lightly browned, about 30 - 45 minutes. To test doneness, shake casserole dish lightly. If the center of the dressing moves, then the dressing is not cooked through in the center. Continue to bake until the dressing is set throughout.

Notes
You can pour dressing into two smaller casserole dishes to reduce cooking time to about 35 minutes. I like to do this for one pan with onions and the other without for those who do not like onions.

You can also add bits of turkey (or chicken) and chopped boiled egg to your recipe.

My mama stirs her's half way through cooking. This makes it looser and a bit dryer.

Tuesday's Tips and Tricks

Well Christmas is practically here.  Are you enjoying the season?

I am. I think that planning ahead of time really helped. I had a rough spot the first week of the month, simply because we had something to do every night. I got a migraine and that didn't help matters. Now that it's over, I don't think I'd change anything.

The one thing I really want to do that has caused me a significant amount of stress is painting a Christmas scene to use for my Christmas card. I am a bit late to the game to pull this off. Even so, i feel like I will be upset if I do not do it. Once I get somethin in my head, it is hard for me to change it. So, I am not giving up...

But next year I am going to do things a bit differently.

Hmmmm... so what does any of this rambling have to do with tips and tricks?

Here ya go....

Tips for finding a moment of PEACE in the midst of the Christmas Hustle and bustle.....

Ladies... take some time for yourself. 

Take a long bath.

Get your nails done (or do them yourself). 

Get up early enough to sit in peace and enjoy your coffee.

Meet a friend for lunch.

If you live far enough north to get snow, sit and watch the snow fall. Listen to the quietness of it. Notice how it covers all the imperfections of the world with a pristine blanket of pure white.

Do something...peaceful... something that makes your soul rest.

I have to wait until my people go to deer camp or I have to get up earlier than usual or stay up later than everyone else to have this time to myself. I don't want or need alone time very often, but this time is important to me. It soothes my soul. This is time I can spend in God's Word without interruption or distraction. This is time that my soul can rest. 

If you still have littles in your home, stop for an evening and watch a Christmas movie with them snuggled up on the couch. Read to them or let them read to you. Set everything aside for an evening and let them help you make cookies or pancakes. Slow down. They grow up so fast. 

Teenagers at home? Invite their friends over one evening for cookie making/ decorating and a movie. Their laughter will fill your heart with joy, which should compensate for the mess they will most likely leave in your kitchen. 

The point is, slow down. Slow down even if for only one afternoon or evening. Slow down. Sit in the silence and enjoy the light of the Christmas tree. Ponder the Nativity. Remember those who have gone on to heaven and the memories of Christmases past that fill your heart with warmth and joy. 

(I don't know what to tell guys... I tell Calvin to go hunting, but if you don't hunt...well, I got nuthin.)

The point is simply this, there is SO much business these next few weeks. It is all too easy to fall into the trap of rushing here and there to experience all the things we want to do... that we don't take time to stop and rest in the true gift of Christmas, the gift of a Savior, and the many gifts God has blessed us with. 

Much love and big hugs...

K

Friday (Re) Focus - What's Your Story?

My older brother is a web designer. He is super good at picking up on words that will drive traffic to my blog.  I am pretty sure that he will frown on my choice of "Friday (re)Focus" for Friday's segment. Oh well, won't be the first time he's stood shaking his head at something I've done. (and won't be the last)

I like the name. It satisfies my strange need for alliteration while speaking to the desire of my heart.  I do want this to be a moment to pause and refocus.... for me more than for you really. I mean, I don't know where you are in your spiritual journey. I don't know if you need to refocus on Christ and what he is doing in and thru you or not.

I just know that I do...

And, since this is the only place I have any power in this world, I'm going with it.

Okay, now that's settled...

I wonder what your faith journey looks like. Are you on a steady path leading you ever closer to heaven? Is your story full of starts and stops, detours and road blocks? Maybe you met Jesus as a young child, and now, in your old age, your path is long and winding over the course of most of your life. Maybe you just met Jesus and your path has hardly started.

Where ever you are, I would LOVE to hear your story. I really would. Who did God place in your life to draw your attention to your need for Christ? Who are the players in your story? What circumstances did God allow that made you see your need for a Savior? How did you meet the Creator of the universe? Who in your life encourages you to know more of Jesus? Who has God placed in your life to remind you that HE loves you? How is He growing you in your faith today?

It brings me more joy than I can express to hear how God works in the lives of people.

It seems that I "should" say that my story is not remarkable but the truth is, my story is absolutely freakin amazing to me. God paid attention to every detail of my life and orchestrated people and situations to bring me to Him....and back to him... and back to him again... and again (and again).  It still blows my mind that He would care enough about ME to go through the trouble of putting people in my life to draw me close to him. It's CRAZY!

Over the next few weeks, I think I'll share my story. I would LOVE for you to share yours. Please do. If you only want to share with me, you can email me and I won't share unless you give me permission. I promise.... but I really do hope that you will share in the comments. I believe that it is such an encouragement to others when we share how Jesus made Himself known to us!

Next week, I'll share how God was active and present all through my life; how He revealed himself to me as a child and how he plucked me out of  the pit of anorexia and self-hatred as a very young woman; and how He guided me through these past 26 years of my adult life. His fingerprints are EVERYWHERE I look!

It is my most earnest prayer that you too will look over your life and see His fingerprints all over YOURS!!!!

Much love and big hugs!
K

Thursday's Thoughts on Surviving Suicide

I found this website shortly after my failed suicide attempt. I stumbled on an article discussing the phrase "suicide survivor" and who exactly it refers to. In my experience, more often than not, the term is used to describe someone who has lost a loved one to suicide. I suppose this makes sense, being that the definition of suicide negates the possibility a person who commits suicide surviving it.

So, the term "suicide attempt survivor" is more accurate and needs less explanation for someone like me who has attempted to take their own life but did not succeed in doing so.

From time to time, someone will comment on some post that interested me back at the beginning of my journey and I get an email about it. This process reminds me that, while I have come very far and am in a MUCH better place than I was a year ago, there are many others who are just starting the journey of what to do after you try to die and fail. Such is the case today.

I want to share the following from this post (link here) about suicide attempt survivors. It gave me hope many months ago. A suicide attempt is not a death sentence. You CAN recover. Many people do.

Please take a moment to read the entire article. I will leave you with this....

There are different possible reasons why people who attempt suicide, or try to make such an attempt, might choose afterward to stay alive. The most intuitive reason is that suicidal crises are, by their nature, temporary. 

More often than not, the crisis passes.

Too, people who attempt suicide may receive the help they need afterwards. Friends and family may rally to their side. Therapists and doctors may help provide relief. The person’s reasons for dying may begin to fade.

Another possibility is that the instinct to live kicks in once someone comes close to dying. Until then, that instinct may have been obscured by depression, stress, hopelessness or despair.

Again, please take a moment to read the entire article. 

I am proof that this is true. If you are struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide, please please please seek out help. Seek out help just as you would if you had cancer.  If someone you love is struggling with depression and or suicide ideation, please please please help that person get the help they need, just as you would if the person you love had cancer or some other disease.

I have not posted the suicide hotline in a while... I think i will post it in the side of this blog, but until then, here it is...

Call 1-800-273-8255

Available 24 hours everyday

Tuesday's Tips and Tricks

Well, I did it anyway.

I tried to get all planned out and here I am in December having a melt down because there is just too much to do between now and the end of the year.

Jingle Bell market was a huge success. We learned a lot and had many many laughs. I so enjoy spending time with the ladies who are now part of Southern Breezes! They fill my heart! This was also a wonderful opportunity to see SO many people I know! All  in all it was great.

After Jingle Bell, we went to my friend's Christmas Open House. Oh goodness! It was wonderful! She was surprised and so happy to see us... it made my heart even fuller!

Monday was my Izzy's band concert. They did great, it was a nice time with Calvin, and Iz was super proud of their performance. Again, we saw lots of people we know and some of our former youth that we haven't seen in a long time. I left feeling filled and whole and happy. 

You may wonder what this has to do with Tuesday's Tips and Tricks.

It's quite simple really. 

December is CRAZY busy, so do the things that fill your heart with Joy.

This isn't a nudge to be selfish. Selfish people are quite Scrooge-y.

There are so many things that fill my heart with Joy... Like taking the time to go to my friend's Christmas Open House, sending Christmas Cards (haven't don't that yet..... grrrrr), baking with my girls, giving gifts, and spending time worshiping with my church family, going with the littles from church to look at Christmas lights, spending Christmas Eve looking at lights with my people, taking goodies to the ICU waiting rooms, and visiting my family and friends. I think that this year I may share cookies with my neighbors. I have lived in my home for almost 14 years and have never done this. I think I would enjoy it.

There are SO many things that scream for our attention between Thanksgiving and the New Year. 

I am learning to say no to the things I feel I "should" do but that leave me feeling spent. i dont mind being busy or being tired... but some things suck the life out of me and leave me... spent. So i am learning to say no to those things. This leaves room for the things that fill my heart with joy.

I hope you will do the same.

Much love and big hugs!

K

Wednesday's Weekly Recipes - Sausage Balls

Here's another quick and easy something to add to your Christmas goody list! You can make them ahead of time, they package well and are a nice "salty" to balance out all the sweets!

Ingredients
1 pound ground sausage
3 cups biscuit baking mix, such as Bisquik
1 pound sharp Cheddar cheese, grated
Salt and pepper, to taste


Directions
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

In a large bowl, combine all ingredients. Mix well with hands.

Form mixture in to bite-sized balls, about 1 inch in diameter.

Put formed sausage balls on a baking sheet sprayed with nonstick cooking spray.

Bake in the oven for 15–20 minutes, or until golden brown.



Enjoy!
K

Tuesday's Tips and Tricks... Making Memories

I get it. Christmas is about gifts. Whether you hold to the idea that Jesus is the greatest Gift, that The Wise Men gave Jesus gifts or that Santa is the greatest dude alive, gifts are a huge part of Christmas. Here's the thing tho... it's not ALL about the gifts.

I mean, presents are great. We all like receiving gifts. The greatest gift I ever received was the gift of Jesus Christ. His sacrifice paid the price for my sin and acknowledging Him as Savior and Lord secures my place in heaven for eternity. I want to share that with everyone I know. I want my life to reflect my love for and gratitude to Him. Woven in with this, I want the hearts of the people I love filled with memories of laughter and goodness and kindness and love. I do think that there are many ways to make Christmas about more than opening presents.

There are a few obvious traditions that will keep you and your family focused on Christ at Christmas. Among these are having a Nativity set prominent in your home. Even the smallest children enjoy unpacking the Nativity and discussing the characters and reading the story of Jesus's birth. Perhaps you can visit a living Nativity.  You can invite someone who is without family to eat Christmas dinner with yours. You can participate in Toys for Tots, Operation Christmas Child, Angel Tree or any other organization that provides for children. One year, a friend and I took our children out in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve and left gifts on the porch of a family consisting of a young mom and her 4 little kids. It brought all of us SUCH joy!

My family has a "tradidtion" that happened completely by accident. One Christmas Eve, when Izzy was really little, I took her, Brian and a lady I'd just met to look at Christmas lights. The lady had no car, so I used "looking at Christmas Lights" as an excuse to have some time with her (so that I could share the message of Jesus with her). We went to Waffle House afterward and talked a bit more about Jesus and the difference He made in my life. The next year on Christmas Eve, my family and our then Youth Pastor's family went and looked at Christmas lights and then went to Waffle House (because nothing else was open)... and a tradition was born. Now it's a "thing" with my kids. They invite their friends and their friends' families. We end the evening with Waffle House. They love it and I love them.

I tried giving my kids an ornament every year. That's been hit and miss. Maybe I'll do better with them as adults. We'll see.

My friend Tashia has her kids put hand prints on her Christmas tree skirt each year.

I saw a neat idea on Pinterest (imagine that) where you have all the people present at your Thanksgiving dinner sign the table cloth. Use the same cloth each year. In time, those signatures will be a treasure! Same could be done for Christmas.

I like the idea of writing a letter to the people I love. I suppose this is a given for me being that I am such a lover of words. Surprisingly, though I have considered this many times, I don't think I have ever done it. I do think that Christmas is a nice time to tell the people God has given me that I am thankful to Him for them. Maybe this is something I'll start.

That's all I've got for today....
K

Friday Revamp

Now that my "Get fit Friday" challenge is over... What am I gonna write about on Fridays...and why do I feel this overpowering need to have something that begins with the letter "F" in the theme?

Friday seems like a good day to share my thoughts on my Faith. (see what I did there?)

As Christians, we observe Good Friday the Friday before Easter Sunday, the day when Christ Jesus was crucified. I have often wondered what the disciples and the others who loved Jesus the person went through on that Friday and Saturday. I mean really... Can you IMAGINE??? Have you, like me, stopped to ponder how devastating those days must have been?

I know Jesus only as Savior and Lord, but to the disciples and others who loved Him, He was... well, He was Jesus. Some understood and confessed Him to be the Son of God, but he was also the guy they walked from town to town with. He was the guy they ate dinner with and who talked with them after meals. He was present, tangible... he was their friend.

Can you IMAGINE having someone like Jesus as a friend? I mean really... how amazing would it be to ask "Hey Jesus, what do you think about... whatever?" I mean REALLY... who WOULDN'T want JESUS in their inner circle of people? I know that I would LOVE to be able to walk and talk with the physical Jesus person.

How much must Jesus's friends have loved him? I love my people.... and all my people have let me down at some point (just like I have let them down at some point) because we are just people. Still, I LOVE them fiercely. How much more must Jesus's friends have loved him? I mean... He was JESUS.

I know how devastated I have been when I have lost people I love. Whether it is cancer or old age or heart attack or the consequences of addiction or tragic accident, losing someone we love is HARD. It HURTS!

Now, try and imagine someone we love dying the way Jesus did. Start on Thursday with the bogus arrest, continue thru Friday with his time before Pilate and the others, imagine seeing that person you love accused of bogus garbage and seeing him beaten beyond recognition. Then imagine that person you love, your friend and confidant, the person you trust most, being crucified.

I simply cannot.

I imagine that the ones who loved the person Jesus were completely wrecked by His death. The people who witnessed his death did not have the assurance we do. They did not know what Sunday would hold. They only knew that they had lost someone they love to a tragic death.

I imagine the hopelessness they felt is much what I would feel with out Christ....but worse because they felt intense loss.

Anyway, this makes me think that Friday is a good day to share my faith, my walk with Christ, how Christ influences my choices, and the difference He has made in my life. If you have read this blog for any length of time, you are fully aware that I struggle. My life would not be characterized as easy or free of troubles. Still, in order to be completely transparent, I feel it is important to intentionally share my faith, simply because it colors so much of who I am.

I have no degree in Theology, nor do I claim to have any special understanding of Scripture. All I know is what it means to me to follow Jesus... so that's what I'll share.

Now, for a catchy Friday theme to help me stay focused.....

I guess I have a week to decide...

Much love and big hugs....
K

Thursday's Thoughts on... Celebrating God's Goodness

I've spent a lot of time writing about my struggles and how God has walked me thru them. I want to be transparent, to let other people who struggle know that they aren't alone, and to offer hope to those who need it. My kids sometimes comment on my life and I am always amazed at their perspective. They see me as strong, as a fighter...when in reality I have spent most of their lives feeling very much afraid of what my future (and their future by default) holds.

Recently, I shared my thoughts on being okay. Specifically, it's okay to be okay. For some reason, it seems easier to share struggles. For some reason, it feels "wrong" to celebrate. Thing is, God gives us MUCH to celebrate. I don't want to only share my struggles. I want to learn how to share my celebratory moments as well as those that make my heart heavy. God's goodness is not confined to helping us through life's hardships. Sometimes He is just GOOD. I wonder if it's Satan that keeps us quiet about God's Goodness.

Anyway, this past week God has just been GOOD to me and I want to share.

Thanksgiving was Thursday. We spent most of the day with Chad and Diane. Chad and Diane were in our first youth group. My Brian has loved them all his life. When he was very small, he wanted to marry Diane. When Chad proposed to Diane, Brian reluctantly told him "Well, I guess you can marry her." Now Chad and Diane have been married almost 14 years. We celebrated the births of both their children. Now Myles, their son, follows my Brian around much like Brian followed Chad all those years ago. Things have come full circle. It makes my heart happy to have such a rich history with these "kids."

On Thursday, Brian proposed to our sweet Tayler at Chad and Diane's. I could not have picked a better match for my son if I'd been given the chance. Tayler is perfect for him.

Saturday was my birthday. My sweet Izzy spent the entire day with me. Tayler came by to see me. Brian had to go back to New Orleans, but spent the morning with me before he left. Almost all the high school and Jr high girls from church texted me to wish me a happy birthday and to tell me what it means to have me in their lives. There are NO words to express how this filled my heart. I LOVE these girls... and they know I love them. That means so much to me.

Sunday, My step dad was baptized. If you have followed my blog or if you know me, you know my parents divorced when I was a baby. I have no memory of my parents not being married to my step parents. I feel as though I have 4 parents, not parents and step parents, but to keep the confusion to a minimum, I do refer to my step parents as such. To know that my step dad loves Jesus and will be in heaven with us for eternity is the answer to a lifetime of prayer. This news was almost more than my heart could stand.

This past week, God was just GOOD to me. He was kind. He gave me the most perfect gifts. He overwhelmed me. I am beyond thankful.

So much of the time, I have wondered if it even matters that I am here taking up space on this planet. I wonder if the people I love know I love them. I wonder if anyone notices the difference Jesus has made in my life. This past week, God showed me what HE has been doing in and through me all this time and oh my GOODNESS! I can barely stand it!

So, yes, I am CELEBRATING! I am EXCITED! I am HAPPY!!! Deep down in my soul... I am absolutely FILLED with JOY!

It does not escape me that I almost didn't make it to see today. I am grateful beyond anything I can express that God did not allow me to starve myself when I was a young woman, that He did not allow my cancer to be terminal, that He did not allow my botched gall bladder surgery to end with Sepsis or worse, and that He did not allow me to take my life 18 months ago....because today I am filled to overflowing with sheer Joy.

This reminds me that so often we give up too soon. We put our own limits on God's timing and in doing so, we miss the blessing of seeing His plan come together.

Just my thoughts
K

Wednesday's Weekly Recipe - Apricot Balls

Gosh y'all! I've been having a difficult time finding time to write! I plan to get recipes set to post from now to the New Year, so those will be available! Time just gets away from me!!!!!!

As Always, if you have a recipe you want to share, PLEASE do! You can drop me an email or leave it in the comments. Also, if you try any of the recipes here, I'd love to know how they turn out!

This one brings with it memories of my Grandma Jackie. Goodness I loved going to her house! She ALWAYS over-prepared for company when it came to cooking. She wanted to make sure she had everyone's favorite foods! For my sister, it was "Creamy corn" but for me... it was Apricot Balls!
Here's the recipe she used. You can find it on the Eagle Brand website.

Ingredients
1 (6 oz.) package dried apricots (1 1/2 cups)
2 cup flaked coconut
2/3 cup Eagle Brand® Sweetened Condensed Milk
powdered sugar

Instructions

• CHOP apricots by pulsing in food processor until finely chopped or mincing on cutting board with sharp knife.
• MIX apricots and coconut in large bowl until well blended. Stir in sweetened condensed milk until evenly blended.
• SHAPE into 1-inch balls.
• Roll in powdered sugar.
• Let stand at room temperature until firm. Store in refrigerator.

Enjoy!
K

Tuesday's Tips and Tricks - Gift Buying Cheat

I am a TERRIBLE gift- giver.

I over think it. I stress about it. I try too hard to give the "perfect" gift and usually come up short.

So, when I saw this little life hack back in January, I made a note to myself to be sure and include it in Tuesday Tips and Tricks. If you still have people to buy for, this may be a good idea for you!



If you can't figure out what to buy someone, ask them to guess what you bought for them. 

You don't have to lie. 

You can ask "Ill give you three chances to guess what your Birthday/Anniversary/Christmas gift is."  

You haven't told them that you already bought it.

They will instantly give you 3 ideas of what to get for them!


Of course you could do like I am doing this year and give your main people access to your Amazon account and let them fill your cart with what they want and them pick what to buy from that. (change your password before you actually start buying the stuff)



You're welcome!


Much love and big hugs!
K

Monday Motivation - Be Grateful

Most of us spent this past week and weekend being purposefully thankful. After all, that's what Thanksgiving is all about, right? 

Well, Thanksgiving is over. Now what? 

Christmas has become the season of gift giving and, with that, the season of "I want."  With "I want" comes "I don't have" and THAT is not cool. Whether you are reminded of the age of your comforter, or the lack of extra dollars in your bank account, the thought "I don't have" can lead us down a dangerous path. This path can take us to VERY dangerous places, like comparing our family to someone else's, or our neighbor's marriage to our own. Any of these comparisons can leave us feeling less than jolly. 

How do we fight the tendency to focus on what we don't have?

BE GRATEFUL!

Might I suggest a gratitude notebook? This may seem childish, but the exercise of listing the things I am thankful for on a regular basis seriously keeps the feelings of "lack" away. When I am focusing on what I HAVE, there is little time left to focus on what I don't.

Going into the Christmas season with all the sales and commercials screaming at you, keep that Thanksgiving attitude and practice GRATITUDE.

I will give thanks to you, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. Psalm 9:1

You'll be glad you did!

Have a great week!!!!

K

Get Fit Friday - 100 Day Challenge - DONE!!!!!

The Results:

Well here I am. 100 days later. Somethings did not turn out as planned. Okay... nothing turned out as planned. I am not thinner. My diet is not squeaky clean. I did not read the entire Bible. My house is not sparkling. I still have a pile of laundry waiting to be "caught up" this weekend. My floors need to be mopped. My car is a mess. Looking back over my "challenge" makes me sigh. I didn't even take my vitamins every day! What the heck?!?

My natural tendency is to cower to the voices that tell me, "What were you thinking? You ALWAYS fail. You NEVER follow through. You are such a loser. You let everyone down. When are you gonna learn? You think you can just revamp your life? You knew better! You have no self discipline. You are a terrible person."

I did not complete my challenge as planned, but it was far from being a failure. Sure, I am disappointed that I didn't complete the challenge, but I'm excited about what I DID accomplish these past 100 days.

I learned to talk back to those voices that tell me I "always" or "never" do something. I learned to quiet the thoughts that tear me down, belittle me, and cause me to think poorly of myself as a person.

I learned to set healthy boundaries, without feeling anger, guilt, or anxiety.

I learned to ask for clarification instead of making assumptions and jumping to conclusions.

I learned to admit when I am struggling, without fear of rejection.

I learned that I really am too hard on myself, that no one but me expects me to do anything perfectly and that life is much more enjoyable when I just "do" instead of waiting til I think I can "do it perfectly."

I learned to push through fear, and marked "sell my art at a craft show" off my bucket list in the process.

I learned to not equate "needs improvement" with "utter and complete earth shattering failure" and learned to give myself permission to step away and then try again. This is an example of how that turned out...

no, it's not perfect. It still needs work. BUT This is 2 weeks of starting and stopping and wanting to give up and throw the thing in the trash, painting over what I didn't like and stepping away and calming down and trying again...and again... and again.  No matter the flaws and inconsistencies that are still here, these is by FAR the best trees I've painted. I have learned SO much in the process. Over all... I am pleased.

I've learned and accepted that that I'm not the person I thought I wanted to be. I think I've said this before, but it usually takes a few "ah ha" moments for something to stick with me. So, I'm not the person I thought I wanted to be. I'm not strong and demanding. I don't take what I want. I am not beautiful or even striking. I do not have a commanding presence. I am not the center of attention. I do NOT have it all together. I am NOT good at small talk. Jokes are often lost on me. I am not interested in fashion trends, popular tv shows, or celebrity lives. I... am not... cool.

Despite my lack of coolness,  I've learned to like myself.... really like myself. I've learned to stop focusing on what I'm NOT and appreciate WHO I AM. I am learning to appreciate, cultivate, and take care of who God created me to be. I am kind, gentle, and trusting. I believe the best in people. I expect people to do the right thing. I don't expect anyone, including my husband and kids, to disappoint me. This isn't harsh or demanding, rather, I look for and expect the good and am often blind to the bad. I am as painfully introspective as I am optimistic. I enjoy deep conversations about thoughts and feelings and spirituality.  I like to listen to people, to watch them, to see if they really are who they want people to believe they are, and what makes them so (or not so). I am creative. I love art and words and music. Oh, I  really do love music. I place value on things, conversations, events, and sometimes even people based on how they make me feel. God has given me the ability and desire to love deeply, give without strings, see beyond what people project on the surface, and accept without judgement.

I tell the people in my life, "There is nothing you can do to make me love you any more or any less. I love you because I do, not because of anything you do." I've learned that this is absolutely true.  I have also said that, when my time here is over, I want the people in my life to say "Kris loved me."   That's also true, but I have recently realized that it is very important to me that the people in my life have the confidence to know "Kris loves me." I want the people in my life to know I am for them, that I want them to succeed - for themselves and not for anything I may or may not gain from their success, and that I want their lives to be full and rich...and good.

All this is to say, my 100 Day challenge did not play out as planned, but these past 100 days have been full of major victories and for that, I am grateful.

Just my thoughts,
K

Thursday's Thoughts on... Thankfulness

I suppose that today's topic is predictable. It is Thanksgiving after all.

Thing is, I really AM thankful.

I am DEEPLY thankful for these past 18 months. (Gosh, they've been hard.)

Often the greatest blessings come on the other side of our most painful experiences. My life is testimony to this fact. If you have followed my journey, I pray that my life encourages you to trust God, follow Christ, and keep pressing forward. Don't give up.

God allows great pain. He certainly allowed it in my life. He allowed me to struggle. He allowed me to doubt. He allowed me to seek satisfaction outside of Him. He allowed me to wallow in self-loathing. He allowed me to suffer. He allowed me to try (unsuccessfully) to put myself back together. He allowed me to sulk and blame and make excuses. He allowed me to justify poor choices and tolerated my lack of faith.

Much as a parent waits out a toddler's tantrum, God Almighty waited until I was exhausted, spent, drenched with sweat and tears... until I knew that nothing apart from Him would satisfy the longing in my soul. THEN (and only then) He began to restore me...in His way, using His methods, on His schedule.

He sat with me as I carefully unpacked all the hurts I'd buried over the course of my life and helped me see them from His point of view. He was patient with me when I retreated into familiar patterns of thought and behavior. He was gentle with me when I slid back into the pit of depression and despair. He put good people in my life to guide and direct me through the process of... what... hmmmm... I think we were rewriting my story... well, it's the same story, but now God is the main character instead of me.

A friend asked just this week "How are you doing?" This person doesn't ask often, but always wants the truth and won't let me get away with "oh, I'm fine." I was able to say, "I'm really good" and when asked "why? tell me," I said "I've made peace with my pieces."

I've made peace with my pieces.

Wow.

The past 18 months have been really hard. I don't ever want to go through that valley again. However, I would not trade it for anything because where I am now is soooo good. I am whole.

God helped me make peace with my pieces... and now I have peace.
For that, I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving!
K

Get Fit Friday - 100 Day Challenge - Week 13

1 week to go!

Thursday Thoughts on... Being Okay

Over the past 18 months, I've shared my struggle to get out of the valley of depression. I've made it clear that it is okay to not be okay. You don't have to have it all together all the time. There is nothing wrong with having a full blown come apart when your world falls to pieces.  Why wouldn't you? Hmmmm?

In case you are just joining me on this journey, let me make it clear: It is OKAY to not be okay. 

Really. Give yourself a break. You aren't perfect. You aren't going to be perfect. You aren't going to please everyone. And ya know what's great about that? You don't need to. It is not your job or responsibility to make anyone happy. If you are upset, be upset and then get over it. If you are hurt, be hurt. Feel  it. Own it. Then move on. Someone in your life consistently dumping their garbage on you, knocking you down so that they feel better about themselves? Acknowledge that, see that it is wrong, and remove that person from your life. It is not your responsibility to be someone's doormat. Someone you love given months (or weeks) to live? It is OKAY to be angry, fearful, and sad. 

You do not have to be okay when things in your world clearly suck.  

Here's the thing tho....

It is ALSO okay to be okay! 

It is TOTALLY okay to love your life.... whatEVER your life looks like. It is absolutely okay to think your spouse is cool. It is okay to enjoy your home, whether it is 500 square feet or 5000 square feet. It is okay to like your job. It is OKAY to be okay. Really. It is.  It is okay to be proud of a job well done. It is okay to LIKE who God created you to be. It is okay to celebrate the successes of those you love... including yourself.... yes.. I said it... it is even okay to love yourself. 

I've spent all my life trying to be who I think the people in my life want me to be. I've tried to force myself to conform to who I think others think I "should" be.  I have wanted my strengths to be the strengths that the people I love value. Thing is.... that's NOT who I am. 

I know so many people who apologize for who they are. They apologize for having much... and for having little. They apologize for... everything. I know people who claim all sorts of negative things as their identity (I'm depressed, I'm divorced, I have anxiety, etc.) and they believe that it is not okay for them to be... okay. It's like they HAVE to have something wrong. It is as though they believe that being happy and content and pleased with life is somehow... wrong.

Please stop. Just stop. Embrace who God made you to be. You are not supposed to be like anyone else. You are no less or no greater because you are not like your neighbor or your parents or your siblings or your spouse or your boss. You are unique.  You are... you. 

Disclaimer.... The other side of "embracing who you are" is the person who uses "this is just how I am" to do bad things and to hurt and control other people. Please understand this is NOT okay. Strong confident whole people do not hurt, manipulate and control others. Eventually people grow weary of living under a tyrant and, well, tyrants must either change, continuously find someone new to lord over, or they find themselves very much alone. Wow.. that is a post for another day.

Just be you. Embrace the whoever God created you to be. Build on your strengths. Acknowledge (but don't apologize for) your weakness. Stop tying to be what you think others want you to be and celebrate who you actually are.

Your future self will thank you for it.

Bug hugs

K

Monday Motivation

Just a reminder ...
No matter where you find yourself this morning, God is with you. No matter how deep that valley or how high the mountaintop, God is there. Take comfort in His presence and rest in His embrace. He will carry you through the valley and will celebrate with you on the mountain top.

As Kind David stated so beautifully in Psalm 139...

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,  even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. (Psalm 139: 7-12)

The creator of all creation is with you.

Father God,
So many times life overwhelms me. When I do not understand your plans for my life, I get frightened. Help me Lord, to trust YOU when the valley is dark. Help me to remember that in the dark times I learn to trust you more. I love you Lord and am so thankful that you are always with me.
Amen 


Have a great week!
K

Get Fit Friday - 100 Day Challenge- Week 12

16 Days left!

Thursday's Thoughts on... the desire in your heart

I heard a pastor say that if you have a desire in your heart, God put it there and there is a "yes" in your future. He went on to say that if you want something, you should go after it, because God obviously wants you to have it.

Now, I don't know this man. I don't know his family, his church, or his friends. I am inclined to think that they must be the most wonderful people to be around... being that he can make such a statement without a "but" or "as long as" attached to it. 

See, if I said something like "if you want something, go after it," I would have to make sure to clarify, "make sure it is in line with God's Word"... cause Satan puts desires in our hearts too. I mean, I can WANT to be in a relationship with a man who is not my husband. I can DESIRE this in my heart. God's Word makes it crystal clear that this "want" and "desire" is NOT placed in my heart by God. (Don't commit adultery.)

I do not believe, as the aforementioned pastor seems to, that all the desires in my heart are from God.  I WILL say this.... the more I know Jesus, the more my desires DO line up with God's Word. 

A few Scriptures come to mind as I consider this...

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

God's Word assures me over and over again that following Christ will keep me on the right path. When I find myself in a "what should I do?" moment, lining my choice up with God's Word is always the right choice. 

The greatest tool Satan has is deceit. We believe that he comes to us as some frightening thing, when in reality he comes dressed as everything we ever wanted. Satan doesn't frighten us into following him, he entices us with promises to fulfill our deepest desires. He promises to meet our needs. 

What Satan DOES'T reveal is the price tag attached to that thing we want so desperately. You want fame and fortune? Look at the suicide rate combined with the number of drug and alcohol related deaths among the rich and famous. There is an equally deadly price tag attached to every single thing Satan offers and the fine print always includes phrases like "hopelessness and despair."

So, while others may tell you "follow your heart." I will tell you "Follow hard after Christ." Only following Christ has ever given me any peace. 

Satan's lie is the same as it was in the Garden: "God is holding out on you." What Satan DOESN'T tell you is all the heartache God is protecting you from. So no, don't assume that every desire and want in your heart is from God and that you should go for it. Satan puts desires there too. 

Just my thoughts 

K