Saturday Sabbath

Get Fit Friday - 100 Day Challenge - Week 4

UGH! It cannot be time for the 4 week update!!!! I need a pause button for life. I need everything to stop...except for me... for about, oh... 4 weeks so that I can get caught up! LOL! I'm shaking my head. I am so disappointed in myself!

I am not going to make excuses. I'm really not. I know that we all do what we deem important. I have a friend who just replaced a retaining wall for goodness sake! You'd think I could manage to eat right and exercise.

(sigh)

It's hard. Life DOESN'T have a pause button and so often I feel like I am the kid chasing the school bus... papers falling out of my backpack, trying to get my jacket on, while I hop/skip/run with my shoes still untied. Oh.. and my hair is waded up in a messy bun and i have on no make up. Let that image settle on ya. Yep... that's me.

THAT'S why I started this stupid challenge in the first place! I do see where I need improvement. I am not in denial about that. I have not suddenly realized that I am more "okay" than I thought when I started this. No, quite the opposite... I am fully aware that I am a hot mess.

I tell myself that this keeps me humble. I TELL myself that this helps me have a "No judgement here" attitude.

That being said, there ARE some good things happening so far as the challenge goes:

• I am on track with my Bible reading.
• I'm not eating out by myself - I don't run thru the drive thru and I don't go out for lunch. The only times I eat out are when I'm with the fam. I realize this still needs work. 
• I tossed THREE trash bags of all sorts of  junk away just yesterday! "Tossing things in the trash" is going great.
• I'm drinking water.... not ONLY water...I'm not gonna lie...but I am drinking significantly MORE water than I would normally drink.
• I'm leaving earlier than I think I need to when I have somewhere to be. I may not always leave 10 min earlier, but I have not been late in a while. 

It is easy to beat myself up over this. Really. It is SO easy. It is also easy to make excuses. I'm not doing either. I'm learning a LOT about myself through this. Every week, I'm discovering something that just doesn't work for me. Every week I am more aware of who I am... who I really am... and how that compares with who I want to be. Oddly, I am learning that I like who I am now. I'm far from perfect; I have lots that could be improved...but overall... I really like me.

So, the plan for next week.... Honestly, I don't know. I have a paint class, a bridal shower, 2 weddings, and a craft fair looming in the not-so-distant distance and the transmission went out on my vehicle Sunday night. So honestly... I'm a bit stressed. It's hard for me to focus on all this other stuff with these things pressing on me and screaming for my immediate attention.

I'm being a bit more gentle with myself these days. 

Life puts enough pressure on me without me adding extra.

Not giving up...

72 Days to go!

K

Thursday Thoughts on....Brokenness

By the time I was pregnant with baby Williams 1, I'd realized that this whole marriage thing was a bit more complicated than "...and they lived happily ever after." I realized that I brought a lot of baggage into my marriage and that this baggage made things a bit difficult at times. To be fair, it made things REALLY difficult a LOT of the time.

As time passed, I grew to hate that baggage. I  resented being broken. I saw myself as flawed, as something that needed repairing. Even though I had no idea how long it would take - or WHAT it would take- for me to overcome all my "issues," I knew that I didn't want my children to have to deal with this sort of "brokenness" when they married.

So, starting while I was pregnant with each of my children, I've prayed, not only for my marriage (so that we don't pass divorce down to our children), but also for their future marriages, for their future spouses and for their future spouses' families. 

For Brian, I prayed that his wife would be nothing like me. I prayed that she would come from a whole family; that she would not bring the baggage that comes with divorce to her marriage to my son. I prayed that she would have a strong Christian upbringing, that she would know her value in Christ Jesus, and that she would not be plagued with the insecurities that come from wanting to please others. I prayed that she would not be broken, or fragile. I prayed that she would be whole and strong and brave and self assured. I prayed these things and so many others because I want Brian to have more than I have ever been able to give to Calvin. I want my son to have so much more...

And now he has Tayler... and he says he is going to marry her...

and her family is just like mine. Her history is almost a mirror image of mine. She comes from a family broken by divorce, filled with all the things I prayed so fervently that Brian's future wife would not have to deal with....and I have questioned... 

Why God?

Why give my son this beautiful broken girl to love? 

Recently I stopped and really looked at Tayler... and I understand why my son loves her. Goodness, I love her. My daughter loves her. My husband loves her. It's hard not to... she is the most wonderful young woman I have ever known.  She is stunningly beautiful in appearance, but that is no comparison to the real beauty found in who she is. She loves Jesus and wants very much to share the love, grace, and mercy she receives from Him with others. She is gentle and kind and selfless. She lifts others up and she has a sparkle that is absolutely contagious. When she hugs you, you know she loves you... love just oozes from her.  She is full of joy. She loves fiercely. She is patient and nurturing and caring and sweet. I do not doubt that she is perfect for my son in spite of being broken... maybe she is perfect for my son BECAUSE she is broken...

And I'm thinking...

Maybe being broken isn't so bad.

Maybe being broken makes us fragile, but also gentle and kind.

Maybe being broken gives us the courage to love more deeply and completely.
Maybe being broken gives us the strength to be vulnerable and trusting.

Maybe bring broken gives us the ability to encourage others and to love fiercely.

Maybe being broken allows us to fully embrace the love and grace and mercy of Christ...and to share these with others.

Maybe being broken isn't a bad thing.
Maybe being broken is what makes us truly beautiful.  

Maybe being broken is actually a gift.

Who knew?

Just my thoughts...

K

Wednesday's Weekly Recipe: Poppy Seed Chicken

I am in need of come comfort food. There. I said it. This has been a tremendously stressful week and to be honest, given the chance, I could most likely eat an entire pan of  Poppy Seed Chicken  all on my own. Yes, I know it won't help fix the transmission in my vehicle. Yes, I fully understand that I will regret eating 6 servings of... anything....either sooner (when I vomit), or later (when the scale reminds me that I cannot eat this way). Never the less, when anxiety has my chest in a vice, this is the sort of thing I want... not because I think it will fix anything.. but because... well, "comfort food."

I'm NOT going to eat this tonight, but am sharing anyway... mmm I can almost taste it.

Ingredients
3 cups chopped cooked chicken
1 (10 3/4-oz.) can cream of chicken soup, undiluted
1 (16-oz.) container sour cream
3 teaspoons poppy seeds
31 round buttery crackers, crushed
1/4 cup butter, melted


How to Make It
Step 1
Combine first 4 ingredients. Spoon mixture into lightly greased 11- x 7-inch baking dish.

Step 2
Stir together cracker crumbs and melted butter; sprinkle evenly over casserole.

Step 3
Bake at 350° for 35 to 40 minutes or until hot and bubbly.



Enjoy!
 K

Tuesday Tips and Tricks - You be You

If you've been visiting here for any length of time, you may have picked up on a few things. Primarily that I ramble... a lot. At one time I was apologetic for this. At one time I tried very hard to write..."right"... but ya know what? That's just not me. Sure, the grammar police have a field day with me. I absolutely use WAY too many run on sentences and sentence fragments.  I use all CAPS and multiple "!!!!!!" and adverbs and adjectives flow freely from my fingertips. Honestly, today I make no apologies for any of this.

One of my precious friends said "I can hear you saying this... it's just like you talking to me," after reading something I wrote recently.

That made me happy. Really happy. Deep down in my soul where for so long everything was bruised and broken... it made me... happy, satisfied, content.

It just felt right. So very right.

Now, you may not care one bit what anyone thinks of what you do or say. You may have an over abundance of self confidence that catapults you to success upon success. You may scoff at those who attempt to criticize or critique you. If so... I am so proud for you. Good job. You go ahead... take the world by storm.

I envy you.

For me to write like I talk with no apologies is a huge accomplishment for me...'cause I am a total chicken. My heart has been battered for most my life by "what-ifs" and "should haves."  For me to write as I have these past weeks, with no thought of "what if no one likes this??" is AMAZING!

I've worked very hard to overcome wanting to die. There is more involved in this than I could have imagined.  I can honestly say that - for today at least- I am excited about life. I'm interested to see what the future holds. I see God opening doors and it makes my heart soar...for just a moment... before sheer panic takes over of course. LOL

Today I love life. Today I want to paint and crochet and reorganize my closets. Today I want to write and work in my flower beds. No, scratch the flower bed idea... it's still freakin hot out there.

So what's my tip for today?

BE YOU. Just you. Stop comparing yourself to anyone else. God made you to be YOU. Embrace that person. Embrace and cultivate the things that make you... you. Stop thinking "if only" and "what if" and "should have" and start claiming your special brand of crazy.  You are amazing in your own special way. You have a purpose and a place in this world created especially for you to fill.

So my tip for today is to write, or paint, or draw, or clean your house for the 10th time this week. Organize your clothes by color or season or material... or toss them all on a chair. Take a dance class, do MMA, train for Tough Mudder or Warrior Dash. Get your black belt, learn to drive a dump truck. Bake a cake, cook dinner, bake cookies, do your nails, wear red lipstick...or no make up at all. What ever it is that makes you... you... embrace it. Love it.

One of my most interesting and amazing friends is CONSTANTLY telling me to "Live life"

and to "Love life" and tells me on a regular basis "Kris...You be you."

I think I finally get it. Know what? It FEELS good... REALLY good.

It is freeing, to just...be me.

This may not mean anything at all to some of you... but there are others with whom this resonates... deep in your soul you FEEL what I write. You get the struggle... because it's your struggle too. It is my prayer and hope that you will be brave. Keep fighting. Don't give up. Deal with your past. Forgive wrongs. FIND yourself. Figure out what makes you... you... and embrace all that...whatever it is! I want this for you... I want it for me! I want us to be brave and strong and... dare I say it... 

HAPPY.

Live life.

Love life.

You be YOU.

I'll be me...

K

Monday Motivation

Sunday Scripture: Ephesians 6:11

Can't fight Satan on my own. Neither can you. Thankfully, we don't have to. Our victory is found in trusting God and His plan for battle. I don't want to cower or retreat. I want to stand confident  before my enemy... not confident in my own strength or ability, but confident in whose I am. I am a child of God. The Lord fights for me (Exodus 14:14) (and also for you).

Much love and big big hugs!
Have a great week!
K

Sunday Scripture - Proverbs 3:5-6