Thursday, May 7, 2009

hard to belive

I have a Dr appointment this morning.
Just a check up visit. No big deal....which is strange, because even though I KNOW it is no big deal, i can't quite convince my body of that. My heart still races, I feel like I am going to vomit...all that fun stuff.
It is hard to believe that less than 3 months ago I was preparing to get my neck dissected and my lymph nodes removed to make sure that my cancer had not spread. It is hard to believe that less than 6 weeks ago I could not talk...and was wondering if I would ever be able to again. It is hard to believe that a year ago everything was perfectly normal in my little world and the only time I went to the doctor was when one of the kids got sick.

It's hard to believe that I don't still have cancer.

I WANT to just let it go and be done with it. Put it in the past and celebrate the healing God allowed. I am grateful and I do celebrate and I enjoy telling my story. It's just the, every time I go to the doctor, there is a tiny little part of me that wonders if he is going to tell me that something isn't quite right.

So I am off to see Dr.S and am looking forward to the part of the visit where he says "everything looks fine, see you in a month."

Hugs
K

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Mirror, Mirror

Being a hairdresser for the better part of 15 years, I have spent many many many hours in front of a mirror. I remember my favorite Barber School instructor telling me over and over again "You are not done until you check the haircut in the mirror. The mirror will reveal things that your eye can miss." Mirrors are great tools...if we take advantage of them and act on what they tell us.

If I glance at a mirror, window, or some other reflective surface in passing, that surface will reveal obvious and major surface details...like if my hair is sticking straight up from me putting my glasses on top of my head.

A casual look in a pocket mirror will tell me if my lipstick needs re-applying, my eyeliner is smudged, if I have spinich in my teeth, or if I need a kleenex.

After a moment of careful inspection in front of the mirror in my bathroom (under those wonderful flaw-finding lights) I can find a stray brow that needs to be tweezed, a clump of mascara that needs to be brushed out, eyeshadow that needs to be evened up.
When I get really brave, I pull out the Magnifying mirror. It reveals evey line, wrinkle and inperfection. Yikes! All the things I spend so much time covering up are brought to light in the Magnifying mirror!
What good is my mirror to me if i do not act on what it reveals about my appearance?
Scripture says in James 1:23-25
"23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does."
Just like the reflective surface in the first example, a brief encounter with Scripture will reveal major things in my life and in myself that are grossly contrary to God's word.
Just as a pocket Mirror will show me what is out of place in a small area of my physical appearance, minimal familiarity with Scripture will reveal specific isolated areas of my life and in myself that are contrary to God's word. This is the sort of thing we learn in Sunday School and Church. We have not searched out this knowledge on our own. It has been fed to us by those that have studied the Scripture.
AND...like my physical appearance, these spiritual "flaws" are very obvious to others and by the time I see the need for improvement in these areas, most everyone I have been in contact with has already noticed that something is out of sorts and is hoping that I will realize what the problem is before they have to point it out. (like the need for a Kleenex)
Just as more time spent in front of my mirror reveals the less obvious flaws in my physical appearance, more time spent in God's word reveals areas of my heart that need to be "tweezed". these areas are probably not obvious to the casual aquaitnence, but just like tweezing the eyebrows and removing clumps of mascara improves my overall physical appearance, removing (tweezing if necessary) sin out of my heart is greatly appreciated by my friends and family and adds to the overall impression I make daily on the world around me.
Ahhhh, the magnifying mirror.....every wrinkle, every line, every little flaw....ouch! Just as the magnifying mirror reveals what I hide from the world each day by applying makeup, prayer and indepth study of God's word reveals the sin in my life that I hide from the world. Verse 25 tells me that this kind of time with God in his word brings freedom.
If I see something out of place when I look in the mirror, I fix it...otherwise, what good has checking my look in the mirror done me? If I take a look into God's word and do not act on what is revealed to me, what good has studying God's word done me? AND>>>Just like a closer look in the mirror reveals the physical things I try to cover up, a closer look at Scripture will reveal the spiritual things I try to cover up.....
I wonder how much more God could do with me if I spent as much time and effort in His word as I do in the mirror.....
Hugs
K