Can't sleep......

Well, it's 2 in the morning (almost) and I cannot sleep. Perhaps it's the excitement of my family coming home tomorrow. Perhaps it's my mind's way of squeezing every second out of my time alone. Perhaps it's the 4 glasses of tea I drank with Christie at dinner. Whatever the cause...I am wide awake and my mind is racing.

God has given me a new gift. Not sure when I got it exactly, but I have recently been made aware of it. God has allowed me to live long enough to begin to see my life as seasons. He has also been gracious enough to open my eyes to His hand in my life during the seasons thus far. I certainly don't have all the answers to all of my whys, but He has been gracious enough to answer several of them recently.

We all have difficult people in our lives. I am blessed in that I have very few. (I am probably the difficult person in all my friends and family's lives!) There is one relationship in particular that has caused me a great deal of heartache...not frustration or anger or grief, but actual heartache. I have for years questioned God about this particular relationship because I simply could not understand WHY God would allow this when He knew how much pain it would cause me. I finally asked Him, "WHY did you put this person in my life?" The answer was as clear as any I have ever gotten. God spoke to my heart and answered "I didn't put this person in your life, I put you in theirs." I was breathless. God didn't stop there. He reminded me of things that had been said and done that revealed the influence my life was having on this person. Never have I been so grateful that God allowed me to suffer heartache. In allowing it, He allowed me a small part in the story of this difficult person's coming to fully know Christ.

He has also been gracious in showing me what He saved me from. I'll never know this side of heaven all the traps and snares He guided me around, but He has over time shown me why He did not give me some of the greatest desires of my heart. Every time....every single time He said "no, you can't have that", it was because He had something better for me....every single time. Took me decades to realize this in some cases, but looking back, I can say that this is true 100% of the time.

He has given me more than I could have ever dreamed for myself. Life's not always easy, and is often hectic, and many time frustrating, and even disappointing....but He promises that He is with me, and He has proven Himself trustworthy.... throughout history, and to me personally.
I still have "whys" and there are still many many things I don't understand. BUT God is growing me. He is revealing more and more of Himself to me. It is easier and easier to just trust Him. It is becoming more natural to seek HIS will.

It was enough that he gave me the Bible to show me what He is like. It was enough that He has proven Himself throughout the ages. Still, He took time to sit with this daughter and say "Look and see how far we've come, you and I." He took time to show me where He has been faithful in MY life.......

I have had lots of time to think while Calvin and the kids have been away. I realized over the weekend that I am perfectly content with where God has me planted. I'm really going to focus on blooming here and stop trying to see what God has around the corner. He's brought me this far in His time and on His terms. I figure I'll be better off letting Him handle the next 36 or so years too.

2:30 in the morning now....is it even worth trying to go to sleep at this point??????

Hugs
K

The More I seek you

This song paints such a beautiful picture for me. My best moments are when I can get alone with my Savior and just rest in His embrace. There is such a peace that washes over me when I draw near to Him. Several times over the past few days I have stopped what I was doing just to be in the presence of the Lover of my soul. He's always there, right beside me. All I have to do is stop long enough to listen for His heartbeat. The greatest miracle in my life is that the creator of the universe calls me His own...His child...His beloved...His precious daughter.

Hugs
K

Faithful inthe little things

Matthew 25:14-30 tells us the Parable of the Talents. In the story, Jesus tells of a master who went away on a journey and left 5 talents with one slave, 2 talents with another and one talent with still another, based on their ability.
When he returned, the slaves brought his talents back to him. The slaves that had originally been given 5 and 2 talents doubled their talents and gave the master twice as much as he'd left with them. The master told them "Well done, good and faithful slave! You have been faithful in a few things. I will put you in charge of many things. Enter into the joy of your master."
The slave that had been given only one talent had buried that talent and gave it back to the master. The master told him "Then you should have deposited my money with the bankers, and on my return I would have received my money back with interest! 28 Therefore take the talent from him and give it to the one who has ten. 29 For the one who has will be given more, and he will have more than enough. But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken from him."

I had actually made a note to write about "You have been faithful in a few things. I will put you in charge of many things. Enter into the joy of your master," earlier this week. That scripture was one of the Bible verses that were sent to me via the internet. When I got it, my thought was "I need to focus on the little things God has given me and stop wondering about where He is taking me next."

See, I really want to do BIG things for God....but "big" by my standards may not be "big" by God's standards. I filed that thought in the back of my mind to write about when I had time.

This morning, our Sunday School discussion was on the Parable of the Talents. (Ever get the feeling that God is trying to tell you something??)

I. like many people, want 5 talents. I want the mother load. I want to do BIG things for God. BUT...I, like many people, have "one talent" ability. Sadly, I have not always been faithful to the one talent God has given me because I wanted the talent He gave someone else. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

This morning in Sunday school we chatted about the talents and what God wants from us and Dave said "Grow where you're planted". Yesterday I saw a t-shirt that said "Bloom where you're planted". Sometimes God has to tell me something several times before I realize that He's talking to me.

God has given me several talents to care for
He has given me the responsibility of caring for His pastor.
He has given me the responsibility of mothering Brian and Izzy.
He has given me the responsibility of teaching Sunday School.
He has given me the responsibility of leading the Ladies Bible Study.
He has given me the responsibility of building the FLO ministry.
He has given me the responsibility of leading the Women's Ministry team.
He has given me the responsibility of sharing my faith and my walk with him here.
He has given me the responsibility of sharing Christ with women through the FLO Blog.

Each of these things built on the responsibility, talent if you will, before it.It wasn't until recently that I began to want more than what He's trusted me with.

With the gentle reminders of the past week, I am submitting to His will and focusing on the things He has given me to do now. Tomorrow will take care of itself.