Do I trust God?

I say that I trust God. I do believe that I trust God. One of my Spiritual Gifts is Faith and I do see that evident in my life. I do believe that God has a plan and a purpose for me and for everyone else and I do understand that it is okay if I do not understand what His plan is for me and it is even okay if I don't like His plan. He is God and He knows better than I do, knows more than I do, and He alone sees the big picture.

BUT

It is so much easier for me to trust God with BIG things than it is with little things.It is natural for me to run to God with monumental situations.....yet I hang on and grit my teeth and struggle through the every day "little" battles on my own.

FOR EXAMPLE

I ran to God, searched His Word for guidance and prayed diligently for His will and for understanding of His will when.....

I had cancer

I thought I had a miscarriage when I was pregnant with Brian

My sister ran away from home as a teenager

The doctors thought something was wrong with Calvin's heart

Chrsta's neice was born with a heart defect

Christa's neice went to heaven

Calvin's dad lost his fight with cancer

I made a carreer change

We bought a house

We decided to have a second child

And while I do seek God every day, I am ashamed to say that my daily interaction with my Lord is not the same searching, yearning, and passionate desire for His will that I experience when i am facing a huge battle.

So, this morning I wonder what my life would be like If I passionatey saught HIS will and HIS ways in the "little" Battles.....

What if I took God's hand each morning, searched His word, and  asked Him to help me.....

Care for my husband, be Calvin's helpmate, without the need for his approval and praise

Nurture and care for my children and prepare them for adulthood

Care for and manage my home and family so that our home is a safehaven, a peaceful place for them to rest and retreat from the demands of the world.

Work with effeciency and puncuality at the bank so that those that work with me have less load to bear

Be pleasant, positive, and gracious in all things so that anyone around me will see a glimpse of the love of my Savior.

I'll stop there. I cannot help but come back to this from time to time because I am realizing more and more that the seemingly SMALL things are where I am losing the Battle. Satan does not stand much of a chance when i am facing a huge battle, but when the BIG battle is over, I take off my battle gear and....well, i am an open target.

Scripture DOES speak to such things......

Colossians 3:22-24

22Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Philippians 4:6-7

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Now, I know that we aren't slaves, but I do have a boss at work and Colossians definately applies to work as we know it. Work as though working for the Lord.

And in Philippians..... Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING........not just the big things......because, at least in my life, the Devil's in the little details.

Hugs

K

You Are - Tenth Ave. North

To God be the Glory!

The following is a message sent to me from my friend Bobby. We went to highschool together and were thrilled to find out that we have both accepted Christ as Lord of our lives as adults. He and his sweet wife Lorisa just went through a terrible custody battle that I will not go into here....hope his words encourage and challenge you.


You know - its weird this thing with my court case and the life-changing impact it has had on me.


It would be so easy, as it often is, to just say that it was a people thing and not a God thing. When things are bad we so quickly rush to HIM like we need HIM - then when it goes bad - we blame HIM like HE is some genie waiting to grant wishes - but then when it goes good - we want to take the credit for it.

Not this time. I really saw so many people come together to pray over my family and lift me up. There is no way I would give glory to anyone other than our great GOD!!!!

I walked into that court house so confident that I really was in HIS hands, and I wasn't thrilled to be there - I wasn't thrilled with some of the concessions I made - but my decisions were all made with my kids best interest and I had finally let go if the hatred and anger - I really did forgive and let go of what Satan had bound me to - and it was a GREAT feeling!!!!

Pray, Forgive, Love, Laugh
Bobby


It is so true that many are quick to blame God when things do not go according to our plans. It is also true that we are often quick to take credit for the times that God pulls it all together and makes something amazing happen.

Couldn't help but note Bobby's comment about forgiveness too......and his understanding that SATAN had him bound.........there's another post there,.....just need to sort my thoughts on it.

Hugs!
K

The Temple

One of the things I planned to do on my "vacation" this week was go to the gym. My plan was to go ahead and get over the soreness that comes with the first few workouts. I do want to care for the body God gave me and I want all my muscles to work properly. I want to be strong and healthy.

Afterall, the body is the Temple of the Lord, right? 

In the book of Haggai, the minor prophet tells God's people that the time has come to finish the temple. 

God's people started to rebuild the Temple of the Lord, but lost interest.......

Then the word of the LORD came through the prophet Haggai: 4 "Is it a time for you yourselves to be living in your paneled houses, while this house remains a ruin?"

So my first thought is..."How often have I done this?" If The Temple of the Lord is now my body rather than a building....then how often have I built up ther things while the Lord's house remains a ruin?

5 Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. 6 You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it."

Again, I see myself in these words. I have worked HARD for things that delivered little in the end. I have tried so many different things to find contentment and satisfaction, only to be left empty feeling. I do understand the feeling of "never enough". I want bigger, better, more exciting, more, more, more....but it is never enough.....or at least that is the way i WAS. I discovered the cure for this spiritual ailment. It is indeed a spiritual issue, ya know. I FINALLY realized that there is so much more to being a Christian than simple professing to be one. There is more to the Christian life than the promise of Heaven. There is a lifetime here to live for Christ and to tell others about Him.

7 This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. 8 Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build the house, so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored," says the LORD. 9 "You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?" declares the LORD Almighty. "Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house. 10 Therefore, because of you the heavens have withheld their dew and the earth its crops. 11 I called for a drought on the fields and the mountains, on the grain, the new wine, the oil and whatever the ground produces, on men and cattle, and on the labor of your hands."

So, what happens when I live for me? I come up empty. i am left unfulfilled. I am not satisfied. i want more. I am antsy and irritable and uneasy. Everything in me knows that something is wrong when I am living for me.

12 Then Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel, Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and the whole remnant of the people obeyed the voice of the LORD their God and the message of the prophet Haggai, because the LORD their God had sent him. And the people feared the LORD.

Like the people on the Old Testament, when I accept that God's word is TRUE, I "fear" Him. Not fear like I fear a stranger in the Wal Mart Parking lot. Perhaps the same sort of "fear" that I have for a doctor. I trust that my Lord knows what is best for me and if i want to get well spiritually, I must do what He says. Just like when I am physically sick, I know to do what the Doctor tells me. Maybe that makes sense. Bottom line is that when I realize that I am out of Step with God, I DO know that the best medicine for my soul is to go to Him, spend time with Him and get back in line with his plans for me.

13 Then Haggai, the LORD's messenger, gave this message of the LORD to the people: "I am with you," declares the LORD. 14 So the LORD stirred up the spirit of Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and the spirit of Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and the spirit of the whole remnant of the people. They came and began to work on the house of the LORD Almighty, their God, 15 on the twenty-fourth day of the sixth month in the second year of King Darius.

And WHAT did that say? When the people turned back to God and did what HE said......WHAT did God say?

That's right...."I AM WITH YOU"

Finally, I have learned over and over and over that there are no limits to the Love of God. He never leaves me nor forsakes me. He does not sleep. He has proven himself worthy of my service and dedication and unwavering devotion. When I am seperated from Him, it is not because He left ME. Rather, it is ALWAYS because I decided to build my own house rather than His temple. When I am focused on God and on using my life and my thoughts and my body to serve Him. I am full and fulfilled. When I decide to do things for myself and "build my own house".....it is never, never, never enough.

When I find myself yearning for more, unfulfilled, or otherwise restless, I am WISE to check my heart and see what my focus is. Another way God shows His love for me is giving me the longing in my soul to be near to Him. When I am seperated from him, i feel it.....and I want Him back.

So, I am building the Temple....in the gym, at home, in Bible Study and Quiet time, in caring for the family He has entrusted to my care, I am serving Him and walking with him and feeling very full and content and.....satisfied.

Hugs,

K

Kenalog Injection

I would like to say that I was worried about nothing and that the kenalog injection was not as bad as i anticipated.....that would be a lie. It was pretty terrible.

I don't think my throat went completely numb until after it was over. It didn't really hurt. Okay, it sorta hurt. not like a stick. I mean, I didn't feel the prick of the needle. I felt the pressure of the needle and just knowing that Doc S had a needle in my neck was enough to send me reeling.

Now, it is true that the Kenalog injection did not HURT, was rather uncomfortable, but not painful....the aftermath however has been painful. I have yet to be able to eat solid food. I guess that pain will be over tomorrow.

I will say that Doc was as considerate as he could be and was totally concerned with my comfort level and I truly do not think ANY one could have done it any better. But it was terrible all the same.

ALL that being said. My voice is already clearer. Still soft. Not a lot of volume. But it is clearer. I still don't have much of a low range, but my upper range is expanding even more. THat's kinda neat I guess.

Okay, enough whining.

The Kenalog injection was terrible, but how could a needle through my neck NOT be terrible, right?

If it fixes my voice, it is worth it....and this IS the final stage of all the garbage that started Sept. 2008 when I had the first surgery to remove what ended up being cancer from my cords. AND I suppose I shouldn't whine too much. I don't have a trache, I do have a voice, I still have both my cords, and I don;t have cancer anymore. I am blessed beyond measure and I really do know that. I am grateful that God lead me to Doc Schweinfurth. I am thankful that they cured me. I know that a pretty voice is asking a bit much after all this.

So, I am done whining....til the next injection anyway.....hee hee hee

Hugs!

K

it's NOT the pollen!

okay, I know that it is spring and that every car is covered in pollen and I am SURE that the pollen is not HELPING my voice in any way shape form or fashion. Still, I am really OVER well meaning people commenting onthe quality (or lack there of) of my voice. I am hoarse. Have been hoarse for, oh, let's see....at LEAST 3 years. And although the pollen is not helping at all, I feel fairly certain that the 5 surgeries I had on my vocal cords last year to remove the cancer that decided to take up residence there has much more to do with my raspy voice than does the pollen!
Whew! Glad to get THAT off my chest!
I really want to tell these folks, "no, i had cancer. Let's go grab a cup of coffee and I'll tell you all about it"
I know they mean well. I think the thing that bothers me is that these well meaning people seem to pop the pollen question just about the time that I think my voice might actually be improving. Then they comment on my hoarse-ness and I think "if a total stranger comments on it then it must be really bad."

So, I have decided to go ahead and get the Kenalog injections. UGH! After all this, a shot in the throat has given me more stress than any of the surgeries I had....except maybe the neck dissection....wasn't too thrilled about that. My appointment with the Good Doc S is at 9:15,so I had better get going.

MAybe it won't be as bad as I think........

I'll let ya know.....
Hugs
K

Vacation: Day One

First day of Vacation....

It is almost 10  and I am still in my pjs. Terrible, I know. I am a total waste of human flesh this morning. I HAVE done a few loads of laundry and have gotten everything put away that we took with us to Meridian this past weekend. Speaking of Meridian...Brian's team placed thrird! Last game went into overtime! The boys nearly gave us all heartattacks!

Now that I am on the topic....I really did enjoy this weekend. It was great to be with the family. It was great for Brian to be the center of our attention.

It is SUPER GREAT that Pearl has 3 teams going to state!

Okay...now where was I....oh yes....vacation....

So far I am worthless. Sort of. Izzy and I are hanging out watching cartoons. Had some oatmeal. Taught her how to call her daddy on my cell phone. She has called him 3 times inthe past 10 minutes to ask him totally random questions. He is gonna kill me! hee hee hee hee hee

Now she wants "Mrs Twisty's" number.....oh! This is gonna be FUN! hee hee hee

So, day one of vacation.....i need a plan....

Hugs!

K