Get Fit Friday - What's Working, What's Not, and What's Changing

Warning...this post will likely wander down many paths before I get my thoughts in order.  

Yes, I know this is supposed to be an update on my journey to "healthy and fit" but, well, I've not done a very good job of that. I don't have much to say about it either.

I try to keep my posts within the "suggested guidelines" that the blog gurus say work best. I count words, check for run-on sentences, and try not to be to casual in my wording. Honestly,  I want to just spew words on a page. I don't want to worry about what people might want to read. I dont want to think about how someone might interpret what I have written. I just want to get my thoughts out of my head and into print. I want to vomit words all over the page and just leave them there. I want to be bare and raw and honest. I don't know what that looks like yet, but I do think that this is one of the (many) things that is leaving me more stressed than satisfied. 

All that being said...

There are some basic undeniable facts about my weight loss / getting fit journey...

1. I have yet to lose any weight.

2. I take complete and full responsibility for this.

3. I realized today that my physical body is actually an accurate reflection of my life right now.

4. This makes me want to cry. (no, it absolutely does not make me want to go to the gym....sorry)

So... what's working....

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Everything is just a mess. I hope I'm not the only one who finds herself here. Actually, I guess I hope I am the only one. I don't want anyone else to feel like this. I feel weighted down,  like I'm trapped in a spider's web or something equally entangling and sticky...or that I'm navigating an unfamiliar patch of  unusually dense forest enveloped in a heavy fog. I feel crushed and poured out. My chest is in chains, stealing my ability to breathe.  I feel paralyzed. I feel like the days and weeks just slip by without notice. I get up, go to work, go home, go to sleep, repeat. I mean, I KNOW that's not exactly true. It's just how I feel...

Thing is, I've lived like this for so long, it feels absolutely normal. Every now and again I am reminded that it is not. I want something different. Again, I'm not sure what that looks like.

What's NOT working....

Focusing on reader engagement is not working.  

Beating myself up and telling myself to "Suck it up and get it together" is not working.

Hoping that "one day" things will be better is not working.

Wishing that I was different is not working.

Picking myself apart is not working.

Pretending that it's "not that bad" isnt working either.

What's changing...

I guess everything is changing... Including the focus of "Get Fit Friday". Truth is, my body is not the only part of me that needs to get in shape. My body is just a reflection of what's going on inside me. For the next week, I am going to really try to just live. Live in the moment. Enjoy where I am. Make the most of each day...

Maybe that's a good enough start.

Thursday Thoughts on... Voice Troubles post Laryngeal cancer

I am writing this on February 1. Today is my mama's birthday. 

Iz and I called her on our way to school and left the "happy birthday" song on her voicemail at work.

As we sang, something I've been trying to ignore became painfully obvious.

There is something wrong with my voice. I'm going to call Dr. Schweinfurth and schedule an appointment. It usually takes a month to get in to see him and I will probably be all better by then, but it will ease my mind to have him tell me that all is well. It is too easy to panic when my voice acts up. It is too easy to let my mind wander... to go down that path of "What ifs."

Thing is, there is absolutely the most minimal chance possible of my cancer returning a 3rd time. (I mean really, ya know?)

I know that I will have difficulty with my voice from time to time. My cords are damaged from  cancer and from all we did to get rid of it. Logic tells me that the trouble I am having with my voice now is only the result of all that damage.

I'm sure that this is just another something to distract me from what I want to be doing... moving on with my life and enjoying it. I'm not going to let the "what ifs" get the best of me. Just going to make an appointment with Doc and see what he says.

Will update on this little drama after I see Doc. Hoping that by posting this 7 weeks out, I can follow up with my visit with doc next week. We'll see.

Much love and big hugs!

K

Update:

I actually got in to see Dr. Schweinfurth shortly after I initially wrote this post. He assured me that my hoarseness was due to atrophy in my "bad" chord.

On March 12, Doc injected Collagen (or something like that) into my bad chord to "plump it up."  He said that my voice "will sound like hell for about 3 weeks," so I am doing my best to be patient and just wait for everything to heal.

People have asked if this is something I will have to do again. Doc said that I will and that it could be  necessary as frequently as every year or as infrequently as every 5 years.

I have a post surgery follow up in April.

Wednesday's Weekly Recipe - Fried Green Tomatoes

Traditionally, green tomatoes that are used  for fried green tomatoes, are simple unripe tomatoes, not the fancy tomatoes that are green when they are ripe. Can be served as a snack, an appetizer, or a side. We like to dip ours in ranch dressing or green onion dip.

Ingredients

·        4-6 green tomatoes, sliced thick

·        2 cups vegetable oil

·        2 eggs

·        1 cup cornmeal

·        2 tablespoons water

·        1 teaspoon salt

·        1 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper

Directions

Step 1

Use a heavy skillet and heat oil to 350 degrees F

Step 2

Beat eggs in a bowl with the 2 tablespoons of water

Step 3

In a separate bowl, mix cornmeal with salt and pepper

Step 4

Dip tomato slices in the egg wash, and then coat with the cornmeal mix

Step 5

Fry in the oil for 2-3 minutes in small batches until golden brown.

Let cool on wire rack or paper towels to absorb excess oil.

Tuesday Tips and Tricks - Getting Organized - The Kitchen

Cabinets and pantry are purged and organized. Junk drawer is no longer junky. The fridge and freezer are neat and organized.

Now, let's address the flat surfaces. The top of the fridge, the counters, the top of the microwave, the sink, and the table. Clean them off! My counter is a catch all. Mail, keys, sunglasses...you name it, my people drop it on the counter.

First, purge. Go through with a trash bag and toss anything that...well, that's trash.

Then, organize. My goal is to find another home for all the...stuff that collects on my counter.

Once everything is cleared off and organized, go over all the surfaces with a kitchen cleaner (that cuts grease). Now is a good time to wipe down the outside of the cabinets too.

Get some Bar Keepers Friend or steel wool after that stainless sink and make her shine like new. Go around the faucet and drains with a bit of bleach.

Change the table cloth, add the place mats and set the table.


Step back and look at all we've accomplished!

Only a few things left and we will take care of them next week!


Hugs,
K

Monday Motivation

Are your goals big enough?

Do your goals challenge you, push you, and test you?

Some of my goals are pretty realistic. Others seem to be totally out of reach. All of them require effort on my part. None of them can be done for me by anyone else. None are really directly dependent on anyone else. 

I set some goals this year that I am working hard for. They include losing 80 pounds, paying off my credit cards and getting published in a magazine. The first 2 I have complete control over. The last, well, I am giving it a go; putting myself out there. Worst thing that can happen is that the powers that be don't want to publish my words. If that's the case, I know that I tried. I can mark that "what if" off my list.

What are your goals?