Get Fit Friday - What I allow into my life to keep me "healthy"

This is one of those "Get Fit" posts about being emotionally "fit."

I joined a suicide attempt survivors group on FB. I did this simply to observe what others say they are experiencing. I notice lots of discussion about the negatives in life. I notice lots of references to song lyrics that express how someone feels. I notice lots of anger and (obviously) lots and lots of hopelessness.

The reason I did this is because I feel like, if I am going to be part of starting a support group for people like me, I need to get some basic idea of how other people react to life after a failed suicide attempt.

I can relate to many of the things these folks post about and do not offer any "you should" or "why don't you try"  or even "have you thought about" statements.

I am very excited to meet with Michelle for the first time to discuss the group today.

Oh goodness... I completely lost track of my point in all this...

I have learned a few things from observing this FB group....

First, I started listening to music that reflects how i WANT to feel rather than music that reinforces the mood or frame of mind I am already in. I even started listening to Christian comedians and, let me tell you... it feels REALLY good to laugh. Really good. This is possibly the single most significant change I've made in my life this past week.

Before this revelation, I NORMALLY would listen to music that reflected my mood:
If I was Happy, I listened to happy music
If I felt a longing or loneliness, I listened to songs with that theme.
Melancholy... the same.
I don't really experience anger, but if I did.... same.

I realized reading these strangers' posts that my choosing music, movies, etc. that reflect how I feel does something else... it REINFORCES how I feel.

I don't need that kind of negativity in my life!

So there's that.

Have a great weekend!
K

Thursday Thoughts on...nothing

A couple of weeks ago, I began writing about the paradigm shift I've experienced recently. 

Here's the shift... I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness...but more than that... no one is responsible for mine. Conversely, I am not responsible for anyone else's bad attitude...and more than that... no one is responsible for mine. I suppose it goes without saying, but I'm saying it anyway... I am completely responsible for my own happiness and my attitude.

I really can't control how others feel about me...or about themselves. This is hard to even type. A core belief from my childhood sounds something like this: 

"If anyone in your life is unhappy it is because you are not 'enough' OR you are 'too much' for them. If anyone in your life is unhappy, that means you should change."

I'm not sure where this came from, but I believed it in my very soul...until about a month ago.

I hope that, in time, I will be satisfied with and confident in who I am.  I hope that, in time, I will love what and who I love with no need to explain or defend either. 

I started a list of questions that I'm trying to answer over...well, however long it takes to get them all answered. As with all my writing, this is for me. This is where I sort through things. Writing gets my scrambled up thoughts and emotions into print and seeing them in print often helps me put them in proper perspective.  Anyway, here's this week's question and (hopefully) answer.

.......

Well, here's the thing...I don't know the answers to any of these questions. I mean, I know what the answers SHOULD be. I know what I have always SAID I believe about these topics. Honestly tho, I got nuthin' this morning.

I don't think this is a bad thing at all. I just need to pray, think, and consider these areas and really work through the questions.

I DO know that I am in a MUCH better place than I have been in years...maybe in my whole life. I am gaining confidence in who I am and what I am capable of. I am learning so much about myself, and the whole process is actually quite enjoyable. I'm learning that there is a huge...like HUGE... difference in knowing what the answer to a question like "What makes me happy?" or " What determines my worth?" should be and believing the answer in your very soul. 

So today I have nothing to write about because I honestly am not sure that I actually believe the answers I've always given to the questions I'm asking myself. I think I am going to have to look at this a bit differently on some of the remaining questions.  I THINK what I'm going to do is give the answer I always have...or the one I know I "should" give and then really dig in and see if I believe that. If I do, fine. If I don't, then hopefully this process will break down some of the walls I know I still have in place that keep me "safe" but also keep me in bondage. Not really sure what that bondage is exactly, that's just the word that came out.

I know this:

So far, I like the real me that I'm uncovering much better than the "me" that I always thought I should be.  It's a process, and I'm really totally cool with that.

Maybe next week I'll have something worth talking about.

Just my thoughts,

K

Questions I'm pondering....

What determines my worth?
What is consistently causing me stress?

What do I really enjoy?

What will make my life easier?

What do I NOT enjoy?

When do I feel successful?

When do I feel confident?

What do I LIKE about me?

What do I truly value?

What is holding me back?

Wednesday's Weekly Recipe: Joy's Prizewinning Triffle (From Allrecipes.com)

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• I broke my  tiffle bowl several years back. Now I want to go get a new one!
  
  
• 1 (12 ounce) container frozen whipped topping, thawed 1 (15 ounce) can crushed pineapple, drained 
• 1 sprig fresh min
• 1 (8 ounce) container sour cream
• 1 (9 inch) angel food cake 
• 1 (3.4 ounce) package instant vanilla pudding mix 3 kiwis, peeled and sliced
• 1 pint fresh strawberries, sliced 
• 3 bananas, peeled and sliced

• 1 sprig fresh min

  
  

  In a medium bowl, fold sour cream and unprepared pudding mix into the whipped topping.

  Cut the cake into thirds, horizontally.Line a large trifle or other glass serving bowl with kiwi and strawberry slices, reserving two whole strawberries and two kiwi slices. Place one layer of cake in bottom of bowl, top with 1/3 of bananas and pineapple, and 1/3 of whipped topping mixture. Repeat layering until all ingredients are used.Make fan garnishes of whole strawberries by slicing from just below the stem. Garnish assembled trifle with fanned strawberries, reserved kiwi slices, and a sprig of mint. Refrigerate until serving.

Tuesday Tips and Tricks... Quick and Easy

I've decided that if I'm gonna live, then I'm gonna LIVE. 

Sweet reader, don't just go through life...live it.

What  ONE goal can you set that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning???

Monday Motivation

Over the past few weeks I have realized this truth. 

WHATEVER you are facing is NOT permanent. 

One thing for certain in life is that things (good and bad) will change.

What better way to make Monday a better day than to look at it as a time to get a new perspective?

So often we just let darkness suck us in. We allow things into our lives that cause is Distress and Stress simply by doing nothing, standing still, letting life have its way with us. Not always, but sometimes.

Well, today is the beginning of a new week. 

What can we do differently this week to make it more than last week?

 More productive

More satisfying

More restoring

More fulfilling

More fun

Just .... More

What can we do to make it FILLED?

Filled with Love

Filled with Praise

Filled with Joy

Filled with Excitement

Filled with Compassion

Filled with Amazement

What can we do to be more in the moment? To really be present and enjoy every minute that God has given us this week?

Much love and big big hugs!

K