Maybe you are like me and feel... less than. Not good enough. Too much of this, not enough of that. Maybe your brain tells you all the ways you fail every day... every minute even. Just when you think you have done something good or are in some way winning, your brain reminds you that you aren't really good and you aren't really winning. You have one second of victory in any small way and your brain brings up every ugly moment of your life - just to make sure you don't think too much of yourself. Maybe you have a list of things you need to fix in order to be "good enough" and that list just keeps getting longer with every perceived failure, every less than perfect relationship, every goal that isn't reached or dream that isn't realized.
If so, this post is for you.
Earlier this week a sweet friend asked "Do you know what I don't like about you?"
I braced myself for one more thing to add to the list of things I need to work on. My chest tightened and I felt a bit sick to my stomach as I waited the few seconds between question and answer...
"I don't like that you always think you need to be fixed. I don't think you're broken."
I may have stopped breathing. My constantly racing thoughts came to a screeching halt. My brain TRIED to process this and failed. I was speechless, my brain frozen, heart pounding - not just because of THIS conversation, but because it reinforced what my therapist said earlier in the week. At this week's session, G said "What if you don't need to be fixed? What if you are fine just like you are?"
A few days have passed since either of these conversations and my poor brain still cannot make sense of them. Both G and my friend listed off several positive things they see in me. I am not able to see myself from their point of view.
So - I've been challenged to make a list of the things I like about me. Not things that I think others like about me. Not reasons that other people like me. Not things that others have told me are good in me. I'm to make a list of things I actually like about myself. The hope is that I will discover that I'm okay like I am, but so far I have not been able to start this list...so I'm not sure it will be a beneficial exercise.
We'll see.
Maybe - like me- you need to consider this...maybe you aren't broken. Maybe you don't need to be fixed. Are you perfect? I seriously doubt it. None of us are. Maybe perfect is a lie - maybe "perfect" blinds you to "good enough." MAYBE you are really okay and you just don't see it.
Maybe you need to make a list of the things you like about you. Not things you think others like about you or things others say they like about you... but things YOU like about you. Without taking ANYONE else's thoughts or opinions into consideration....
What do YOU like about you?
(I'd love to see your list)
Maybe we will discover we aren't as broken as we think we are.
Much love and big big hugs to you!
K
