Get Fit Friday - 100 Day Challenge - Week 11

23 Days to go!!!!

It's hard to believe that almost 100 days have come and gone. Time really does fly.


If you've been following along on my 100 day challenge, you will know that one of the challenges has to do with throwing stuff away. This week I threw away something that has been a heavy burden for years. I didn't realize it took up so much space in my heart until... this week actually.

Years ago, some friends and I started a ladies ministry blog. We called it "For Ladies Only" and i called it "FLO" for short. For years, we faithfully posted encouraging and challenging material on both the blog and it's Facebook. That span of time has a precious place in my heart.

The ladies and I parted ways, but I held onto the Ladies Ministry blog and FB... until this week. In asking myself "What do I want?" I realized that I don't want it anymore.  It burdens me. It looms over me with some sort of "you should do something" message attached to it. I felt that I owed it to ... whomever... to pick it back up one day. I felt that I owed it to the friends I worked with all those years ago to hold onto it. I realized this week that it serves no purpose, sitting out there with no new material. I realized that I was holding on to it because I was afraid to let it go. In my mind, letting go of "For Ladies Only" meant that I was a failure.

This week I realized that "For Ladies Only" served a purpose years ago, but not now. 

So, this week I deleted "For Ladies Only" and "threw away" hundreds of blog posts and FB posts.  I can't really describe what it feels like to say good bye to something that I was once so passionate about. It is a bit sad, and a bit freeing.... sort of like saying good bye to that friend you've long since out grown... accepting the inevitable... acknowledging what has gone unsaid for too long... "it's just not the same." Part of what made "For Ladies Only" so special to me was the women who shared it with me. Without their input, it just doesn't work.

Sometimes we hold onto things "Just because." I think that maybe those things hold us back, that we cling to them so tightly that we cannot accept any new thing. To everything there is a season and all seasons end. That's not always a bad thing.

Much love
K

Thursday's Thoughts on... Changing my "want to"

I've really started thinking about what I WANT.  Last week I started putting this into words. Today I hope to explain the shift that took place to get me out of the valley and to where I am now.

 I've decided that I want  to be emotionally and mentally healthy.  This has become a vital step in my journey through the post-suicide-attempt valley.

Looking around and listening to people has made me believe that wanting to know who or what is to blame for.... whatever... makes a person a victim.  It takes away their power. This was true for me and is true in the lives of others that I know. A victim is eternally helpless, unable to "fix" the situation. There is a HUGE difference in wanting to find out who or what is to blame for my mental break and subsequent suicide attempt and wanting to be mentally and emotionally healthy. This realization is what made me think about my thinking.

I realized that my thoughts were focused on reminding myself why I was depressed and of all the  things I don't like and/or wish were different in my life. My to do list was FULL of reminders of all the things that made me... unhappy, unsettled, unsteady, full of regret, grief, anger, and guilt.  My greatest want was to prove that my feelings of  hopelessness and despair were validated. Is it any wonder I was depressed?

I changed my "want to" from finding out who is to blame and holding them accountable to making peace with my past... 

I changed my "want to" from explaining the reasons why I was in such a low place to getting OUT of that low place...

I changed my "want to" from justifying why I was depressed to figuring out what would help me battle depression...

...and  gradually my "to do" list changed. It's still full of reminders, but they fill me with joy instead of hopelessness and despair.  I remind myself of the many ways God has delivered me personally, of how He has worked in the lives of my friends and family, of how He has gifted me, and of the amazing people He has placed in my life.

No one WANTS to be depressed, but my GOODNESS it is hard to fight it. I have to choose, moment by moment... "What do I really WANT?"  I remind myself that don't want to be depressed....

I WANT to be full of Joy, Peace, Patience, Love, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness, and Self Control.  I want to FEEL these things and I want my life to be characterized by them.
I WANT to be mentally and emotionally healthy.
I want to share my struggles and God's faithfulness through my writing.
I want my paintings to capture the beauty in nature that God so generously provides.
I want to enjoy each moment God gives me.

I still take my meds. I still confide in trusted friends. I still lean heavily on my husband. I go to counseling when I need it. I surround myself with music and other things that soothe my soul. I stay in God's Word and I pray intentionally. I rest. I get enough sleep. I let go of what I cannot  change and embrace what brings me joy and peace. These things make up my new to do list. They support my  WANT to stay mentally and emotionally healthy.

I feel like I am at the end of this journey. I feel the fog lifted. I believe that this is the final piece to healing.

What do you WANT? Does your "to do" list line up with your "want to?"


For me... I mostly want JOY! Not fleeting happiness based on circumstances... but true joy, based on my relationship with Christ and what He is doing in and through me and this life He has given me.

Just my thoughts...
K

Wednesday's Weekly Recipe... The smell of fall

Fall is my absolute favorite season! I love the oranges, reds, yellows and browns that fall brings to nature's pallet. I love the excitement and expectation of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year. Crisp air, falling leaves, football games, sweaters, boots, and a much needed break in the sweltering Mississippi heat are all things I love about fall. Fall just makes me happy. 

Some of my very favorite things about fall involve SMELLS!! Apples, Cinnamon, pumpkin, nutmeg, and vanilla all give me that cozy, wrap up in a blanket and read a book feeling! For me, fall begins with a shift in the smells in my house from "crisp and clean" to "warm and cozy".

So, before we start sharing recipes for appetizers, snacks, desserts, and casseroles for all those holiday events coming up in a few months,  lets get our homes smelling like fall! 

This is a new (to me) simmering potpourri recipe I'm trying this year. I'd love for you to try it too and let me know what you think!

1/2 gallon apple cider

3 cinnamon sticks

1 Tbs whole cloves

1 Tbs pumpkin spice

1 Tbs ground nutmeg

1 Tbs vanilla extract

Bring the mixture to a boil in a saucepan (I have one that I use specifically for this) and then reduce to low heat. Stir occasionally and add more cider or water when it gets low.  

Do NOT let it scorch...yuck! OH - MY- WORD!!!! It stinks sooo bad! (trust me on this)

Do you have a favorite simmering potpourri recipe you'd like to share? You can comment below or email me the recipe! I'll share the recipes I receive!

Questions? Recipe suggestion? Leave a comment!

Tuesday's Tips and Tricks - Celebrating (not surviving) the Holiday Season - The Grocery List

Overt the past few weeks, I have been TRYING to prepare myself for my favorite time of year. I LOVE the holiday season. I love the crispness of fall. I love the littles all dressed up for Halloween. I love Thanksgiving  (and my BDay). I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas. I love the promise of a fresh start that the New Year holds.

We have made a plan (What do you wanna do? Who do you wanna see? Where do you wanna go?).
We have made a Christmas Card list.
We have made a gift list.
We have considered what sorts of gifts we will be giving.

This week, I want to consider my menu.

Now, to be fair... I do NOT cook Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners. However, there are several events I attend and am expected to bring a dish of... something.

Now is a good time to get out the old calendar. See what events you will be attending that will require a dish of something. Are there things you can prepare a few weeks in advance and freeze? Make a list.

Now is also a good time to decide if you are going to give any baked gifts. Baking ingredients can be expensive and it works best for me to get them ahead of time. Not only can I break up the cost, but having them on hand allows me to bake at my leisure and not be up all night close to Christmas trying to get it all done.

Once you have a list made of where you will need to take food and of who you will give edible gifts to, make your grocery list. This way you'll have it with you when you go to the grocery. This SHOULD prevent those last minute, late night runs to the grocery because you forgot to pick something up.


November is in just a few days!!!!

K

Monday Motivation