Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

Oh mt WORD! I cannot believe it has been a month and a half since I posted about my journey!

I wish i could say that everything is going as planned.

I'm still doing fine, but "fine" is not what I want. 

Just yesterday, a friend chewed me out because I've worked SO hard for so long only to let "life" get get me sidetracked. As much as I hated everything my friend had to say, every bit of it was true. 

It's hard to keep focused on a goal, especially one that seems soooo far off, when life erupts around us. I say "us" because I KNOW I am not the only one who struggles with this.

It is EASY to lose focus when there are more things than I can count distracting me from my goal. I have hard days. I get really tired. Some days I feel like I'm going to explode (or implode) from stress and anxiety. Some days I just feel...meh. I get sick. Other people need my time and attention. Most times, when I feel completely overwhelmed or feel like my life is out of control, I turn to food. 

Does food solve my problems? Of course not. Does it make me feel better? No, not really. In the end, it adds to my anxiety because I know I shouldn't have binged on whatever I binged on.

As I am typing this out, I am reminded of another goal: growing as a Christian. Whether the goal is to grow closer to Christ, to look more like Christ, to share Christ with others, to love like Christ, or some combination of these plus others,  it is easy to let "life" distract us from our goal.

It's EASY to lose focus when so many things distract us. There are MULTIPLE people, events, commitments, and responsibilities demanding our time each day. Most of  us rush from one thing to another all day and into the evening. We get tired. We feel "meh". We have days when we are overwhelmed by... life. Many times I turn to something other than God to soothe and comfort my heart when I am feeling overwhelmed.

Does choosing something other than God to fill me solve my problem? Of course not. Does it make me feel better? Maybe for a moment, but in the end, it adds to my pain because I know I should have turned to God for comfort. In my worst moments, I am left with added guilt from sin, a tarnished witness and a damaged testimony.

Life gets hard. Keeping our eye on our ultimate goal can be challenging. Just like getting (or one day keeping) my body in shape takes intentional effort, keeping my spiritual life growing and healthy takes intentional effort. Life is distracting, but nothing compares to reaching the goal you've been working for.

Till next week!

Friday, July 14, 2017

Please join me at the Internet Cafe today

God is Great … God is Good

My family served lunch at our local soup kitchen last month. I leave there with something each time we serve there: a new or better understanding of the plight of those who depend on the soup kitchen for their meal; a renewed appreciation of the blessings I so often take for granted; a heightened respect for those who so faithfully serve our homeless community; and a desire to do more to serve where God has placed me are but a few of the things I’ve taken away from the soup kitchen over the years.
Last month, I received the most amazing and unexpected gift.
Continue reading here


Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

For the past 2 weeks, I've upped my gym time to twice a day. As a  result, I FINALLY lost some more weight! This week's weigh in was -3 pounds! I was SOOOO glad to see that scale move a little!

I started out doing cardio twice a day. Then did some weight lifting in the morning and cardio at night.

Then Thursday of last week, I went to Body Pump. Oh my goodness...SOOOOO sore. That's not a bad thing. At least I know I worked allllll my major muscle groups! HA!

Did it again Saturday to try and get the soreness out. Thought I'd die Sunday, but was feeling better by Monday and fully recovered by Tuesday.

My evening workouts are canceled this week because of VBS. Will get back at it hard next week tho!

I'm not going to measure again til next month but am really excited to see what Body Pump will do for my shape!!!!!

Oh! My Diet! Drinking a protein smoothie for breakfast. I had vegan protein powder and used it all. I like it better than the whey powder i have now. Mix it with almond milk and either frozen banana, strawberries, or blueberries.
Chicken and green veggies the rest of the time. (except when Mrs Liz fixes me a plate before VBS )
And lots and lots of water.

That's all for now!

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

I've had to re-group....

When i say this is a process, I mean it.

My scale hasn't moved in almost 2 weeks. That is so terribly frustrating...

And Discouraging!

A friend suggested that I stop focusing on the scale for now and focus instead on measurements.
So I measured on Monday of this week.

I cannot even SAY how glad i am that i took measurements when i started this.

In three months, I have lost almost 30 inches!
Here's were i lost it:
Hips -3.5
Waist - 8.5
Bust -1.5
Calves - 1.5 each
Thighs - 5 each
Biceps - 2 each

The absolutely amazing thing is that, so far, I am taking the weight off exactly where i want it to come off! That's just awesome!

Scale still hasn't budged, but for now i am encouraged to push a little harder.

I'm continuing to clean up my diet. MOST days i eat very clean. Then there will be a day that i really don't. LOL

Working on eating clean ALL the time!

Maybe next week i will get some downward movement in the scale!
We'll see!

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

Well, it was bound to happen.
I totally went off the rails last week.
I have lots of excuses, but that's all they are... excuses.
I had several things come up that kept me from the gym, but, honestly, it didn't take much. I just wasn't feelin' it.
Diet was a hot mess.


I GAINED a pound!!!!.

I thought it was more, but when i got the the gym and weighed on the scale I've been using to record my weight, it was only one.

For all that is good and holy, how is that even possible!?!?!?!

So, I am get back on track.

I started running on Monday of this week. Its 2 miles from my house to the end of our street and back. I've walked/run that every morning this week. (yes I know that's only 3 times)

I've gotten my diet back under control too. Whole foods and protein shakes mostly.

Next week will be better.
I needed this wake up call. Reminds me that I'm not going to get in shape by thinking about it or wishing for it or talking about it. I have to change my eating habits and make exercise something I crave as much as I have craved food these past years.

That's all for now...

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

Lost another pound this week.
Nothing too exciting, just plugging along.

I need to rethink my diet. Actually, I need to be ON a diet. I'm not paying a lot of attention to what I'm eating these days so much as i am paying attention to how MUCH I'm eating. Seems to be working okay, but I am not going to reach my goal weight by Christmas losing a pound a week!

Going to really focus on diet next week and see what that does.

Still doing an hour on the elliptical every night. That's usually about 4 miles. Still doing my Burpee Challenge, ab workout and inclined push ups.

This mess better pay off! LOL

Until next week!

Monday, May 8, 2017

Join me at Internet Cafe Devotions

Please join me over at Internet Cafe for this month's devo....

Under Attack?

This week, I have been thinking a lot about “The Battle.” I’m not sure that Christians take Satan’s attack on us seriously. The Bible refers to him as a prowling lion, looking for someone to devour. I recently discovered some interesting things about how lions hunt. Today, I want to share something that especially caught my attention, perhaps because this is something I can personally identify with….

Continue reading here...

Friday, May 5, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

So much has happened since I wrote last.

As of this week I have lost a total of 20 pounds!
SOOOOOOO Exciting!!!

I'm in the gym almost every night and I'm eating soo much healthier.  It is super exciting to have friends ask me how I'm doing it and being able to tell them that I'm eating right and working myself to death in the gym. No pills, no shakes, no magic formula...just determination and hard work.

Feels REALLY good.

Still doing Burpees today i am up to 26! Crazy!
Added Pushups, squats, and some ab exercises last week...or was it this week? Time gets away from me.

The biggest thing this is doing is...
I feel differently about myself.
I have more confidence and, even if no one notices the changes i see in my body, I am really proud of myself for not giving up...Cause I REALLY wanted to several weeks ago.

Most days I still dread going tot he gym
Most days I still want cry for the first 30 minutes on the elliptical
Every day I feel like an absolute BEAST when I push through and finish my workout.

So... things are good.

Until next week...

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

Well I didn't post last week because I was furious with myself.
I gained another pound and really felt like a huge failure.
All those self-sabotaging thoughts hit me like a hurricane...
"What's the use?"
"You ALWAYS do this"
"You are a failure"
"You will always be fat"

Then something clicked- I don't know exactly how or when it happened. I made a decision. Simply put, I decided to try one more time.

I did everything right. Counted my points. Thought about what I was going to eat. Planned my meals. Drank lots of water. No Soft Drinks. Very little sugar. Almost no bread. No chips. No junk. Just ate when i was hungry and stopped when i was satisfied.

I didn't exercise.

I lost 9.6 pounds.

9.6 pounds

In ONE WEEK!!!!!!

So I am super pumped.
Been to the gym every day this week. 45 min on the elliptical plus strength training. I dread going to the gym, I hate it while I'm there, and I'm sore in places I didn't know could be sore, but every time I push through to the end of a workout I am so proud of myself...and that's all that matters, because I'm finally just  doing this for me. Maybe that's why it's working.

Still eating the same as last week.
I'm interested to see if i will have 2 big losses in a row.

Oh! I also took on the Burpee challenge at the urging of a friend. Started with one burpee the first day, and add one more each day for 100 days.

So here's the best part of all this...I FEEL good. I feel confident. Well, more than usual. I'm proud of myself for not quitting and for not listening to the voices in my head that tell me i don't deserve this and that i can't do it.

I'll check back in next week!

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

I didn’t go to Weight Watchers last night. Things are a bit crazy at my house right now.

Brian’s surgery added to the normal chaos at the Williams home is just a bit much. Anyway, Izzy was terribly sweet and volunteered to cook dinner so I stayed home and helped her.

I’m kinda bummed. I’m not sure that it has much to do with my weight loss (or lack thereof). It’s like I just can’t get settled. I feel uneasy, unsettled, un-okay.

It will pass. Always does. Right now I just don’t feel “right.”

So anyway, I didn’t lose any weight this week...which stinks SO badly.

I have to take eating seriously. I think I still believe that I can eat what I want “just this once” and look the way I dream about looking. If “Just this once” was only ONCE, it would be FINE, but I have a “just this once” moment several times a day.

Wow, how much does THAT sound like my spiritual life?!?!?!

More times than I can mention, I have had “Just this once” moments in all sorts of areas. Just this one lie, just this one half-truth, just this one compromise, missing my quiet time “just this once” or not obeying God’s prompting to reach out to someone who is hurting… my spiritual life is crippled by my half-commitment and compromise. AND just like “Just this once” results in a less than desirable weight watcher journey, my spiritual life isn’t want I want it to be if I “cheat” on the program.

I’ve got to get it together. I do know that much!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also know that life is hard. Things come up that break ya down. Things happen that make dieting hard…and things happen that make life hard.

So I’ve got to get it together. I know that these “just this once” moments, undermine my goals. Separately, they aren’t anything that would catch my attention. A hand full of chips here, skipping Quiet time there, not getting enough sleep, letting the laundry pile up, not exercising… nut together it all adds up to a big messy me.

That’s all I have for this week. More of the same I guess. One day I’m going to be one of those people who is completely in control of my cravings and desires. One day I am going to be that girl who says “I only drink water”; “I don’t like Chocolate”; “I HAVE to keep my house clean” and “I love the gym.” I’m not there yet, and I don’t expect to be there next Wednesday, but MAYBE I can stop believing the “Just this once won’t hurt” lie and body (and my life) will start looking more like I want it to.

 Til next week!


Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

I just can't wait til Wednesday....

Woo Hoo! Back on track! Lost a pound this week. Granted, I’d like to have lost 2 or 3, but considering all the stress I’ve been under, I am super over the top excited to have lost one!

Now, the biggest obstacle I have right now is the gym. UGH! SOOOOOOO intimidating for a fat chick. I am not so prideful as to think that anyone in the gym actually pays attention to me…it’s not that. It’s ME…MY mind constantly comparing myself to others. And yes I know, the ONLY way to get from where I am to where they are is to GO TO THE GYM. I get it. I do. Really. It just STINKS right now.

But I know that working out will jump start my weight loss and will help me have a body I actually LIKE when this weight DOES finally come off.

SO, the goal for the rest of this week….work out.
I’ll let ya know how it goes….

On to other things…

I have been so obsessed with this whole weight loss thing that I forgot how full and rich my life is. A total random encounter reminded me that I am BLESSED. Someone saw the article about me and Doc Schweinfurth on my Instagram and let me know that he thought that I have a good story.

Know what? I DO have a GREAT story! It is soooo easy to get bogged down in…well, in life. Things are really stressful right now and it is easy to focus on those things causing my chest to ache all day. Thing is, I KNOW that this season will pass and I will likely forget how I feel today.

When things aren’t going the way I’d like, it is beneficial for me to stop and remember the many ways God has delivered me in the past. Not only do I have all the stories from Scripture to claim, but He has delivered ME personally on many occasions! Time and time again He works things out for my good. Time and time again, He restores me, refines me, and refreshes my soul. He has walked with me through the valley more times than I like, but He never made me walk alone. Since I’ve known and followed Him, I have never been alone. He has always guided and directed me.

Anyway, I want to try and get back in the groove of sharing who I am and what God is doing in me more often. I don’t want to just write about whether or not I feel like I lost enough weight each week! Haha That’s just now what I’m about. It was soooo much easier to share my heart when I was sick. It is easy to be transparent about cancer and all the emotions that come with it. The daily stuff…the stuff that regularly kicks me in the teeth…that stuff is harder to write about. I suppose that’s Satan’s way of keeping me quiet because not everyone has cancer…but everyone has bad days, more month than money, and more laundry than time. Everyone loses their temper, fails to control their tongue, and finds themselves doing the very thing they said they never would. 

Life is hard, but God is GOOD and my life is such a beautiful picture of this.

Today, thinking back over my life, Genesis 50:20 comes to mind:
As for you, you meant evil against me, but GOD meant it for GOOD, in order to bring about this present result, the saving of many lives.

Not sure that many lives will be saved because of my story, but I do know that the things that were meant to break me and cripple me and turn me into someone filled with hate and anger and bitterness only drew me closer to my Savior, softened my heart toward those who need the healing touch of Jesus and helped me to see God’s hand at work in my life and in the lives of those I love. So, I totally claim “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for GOOD” because I am BETTER for all the heartache, all the pain, all the struggle. God grew me through the hard times and I am so thankful for them!

Hugs to you!

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

It was bound to happen. I THINK I wrote about it last week, but I didn’t go back and look.
So, last week I bombed. It happens. Part of it is hormonal. I get that. There is something else that happens too and I can’t figure out how to defeat it. It’s like as soon as I see a significant dip in the scale, I become ravenously hungry. I binge. Every time. That was last week.

As I said, some of it is hormonal. So when I weigh in next week, I will have lost some water weight and “bloat”. BUT I am gonna really have to step up my game to recover and get back on track because



My MERCY! Who DOES that?

Me, that’s who.

Now, normally this is where I would call it quits, throw in the towel and drown my sorrows in some chips and dip. I’m not going to do that this time.
I am going to buckle back down with my eating.
I am going to the gym starting today.
I am going back to a goal of 80 oz of water a day.
I am going to get serious about sleep…go to bed earlier and get up earlier.
I am going to count my points like I’m supposed to instead of guessing.
I know I can do this. People lose weight and get in shape all the time. I have to gain control.

We’ll see how it turns out next week.
I am hoping to lose the 3 I gained and 2-4 more. Probably not gonna happen…but we’ll see.

Till next week!


Friday, March 10, 2017

On my Firstborn's 18th Birthday

Today Brian is 18. For 18 years, he’s been mine. I’ve heard “we only have them for a little while” since he was a baby. Today the reality of this simple phrase hits home. He is a legal adult. In less than 2 months he will graduate High School. This summer he will be on his own, 800 miles away from us.

I have friends who cried for months when their children turned 18, but I’m not. I’m excited for him and what life holds for him.

I mean, he’s never really been mine. Oh my goodness I love him so much it hurts, but this boy has always been God’s - on loan to me until he could take care of himself. Now that time is rapidly approaching and he will do what he’s always said he’d do and his desire to leave us this summer is no surprise.

He’s ready. He doesn’t keep his room clean or cook and is prone to oversleep. But what he needs, he has: a deep love for the Lord and a strong sense of accountability to God. He is going to be just fine apart from us, because he never really answered to us anyway. He has always answered to God. While our ideas about what he should and shouldn’t do might change over time, he has never wavered in anything that really mattered. I know that’s because he knows that it is more important to please God with is life than it is to please his parents.

He is a gift. This boy has brought me more joy than I ever imagined possible. Watching him grow into a man has been the single greatest experience of my life to date. He is everything I wish I’d been. In many ways, he’s who I’d like to be now. He is good, kind, thoughtful, and gracious. He is humble, brave, courageous and strong. He loves the Lord and His life shows that more vividly than any other person I know. I know him. I see him at his best and worst and can honestly say that Jesus oozes out of him.

God has always had His hand on Brian. Since he was a little boy, he has been God’s. I don’t know how to explain this other than to say that Brian is just different, set apart…like God’s hand is on him, guiding him, directing him and protecting him from the things that can harm his witness. I don’t know that he will always be safe from harm or that he will live to a ripe old age. I don’t know if he will marry or have children. I do know this… until he gets to heaven, he will do everything he can to share Christ with those God puts in his path.

I feel like I’ve had this amazing guy all to myself for 18 years and now I get to watch God use him “out there” in the world. I am thankful, truly thankful that God trusted me enough to let me be Brian’s mom. I am so proud of the man he has become. I love who he is. I am honored to be his mom and I can’t wait to see what God is going to do in and through him.

Brian’s okay. He’s ready. He knows who he serves and who he answers to. I don’t have to defend him or tell people what a strong Christian he is. There is no “but” with him. There is no “Brian loves Jesus but…” or “Brian is a good kid but…” or “Brian is respectful but…” or “Brian tries, but…”  No, he isn’t perfect, and yes, I think he’s close. I just see Christ in Him. Nothing is greater than this. He is amazing, not because of anything he’s done on his own or because of anything we’ve done as parents, but because his life is submitted to Christ.

So, He’s 18. I’ll have him to myself for a few more months, but in my heart I am already letting him go.

After all, this is what we raised him for.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

Yes, I know it is THURSDAY!
How did I miss posting this Wednesday?
I guess I'm crazy now that I have decreased my sugar intake so drastically!

Nah, just got a little busy. Wednesday was my 20 year Anniversary! 20 years with the sure flies. We went to lunch and it was REALLY nice to have him all to myself for a little while.


I was really anxious about weigh in this week. I stayed within my points, but did not eat as smartly as I did the first week.

Even so, I lost 1.4 pounds!

That makes 6.6 pounds total!  Closing in on 10!!! 12.6 is 5% of my beginning weight.

This week is proving a bit more difficult. I have PMS munchies, went to lunch with the hubs for our anniversary yesterday AND had a Cadbury creme egg after church last night. I am thinking that next week's weigh in will be disappointing.

I am not giving up tho. 

I'm going home for lunch today and will eat some green veggies. Planning on keeping my meals pretty green for the rest of the week.

Going to the gym Friday, Saturday and Sunday to burn some extra calories.

We'll see if i can make up for yesterday's fail.

Thing is, if i am going to use this as my "life change"...if i am going to eat this way forever, i WILL have days when things just don't work. Stress, PMS, Fatigue, holidays and celebrations are all part of life and i need to learn how to enjoy them without totally falling back into my poor eating habits.

My GOAL is to become a lifetime Weight Watchers member. I think i have to reach my goal weight and stay within 2 pounds of it for some period of time. Then i no longer have to pay for weight watchers so long as I stay within so many points of my goal weight.
MY personal goal weight is 150 lbs. Not sure what they consider my goal weight.

My stomach is not so bloated and my pants are starting to fit a little better. Not any monumental changes...yet.

I want to be able to comfortably wear shorts this summer. (Not short shorts)
Honestly, I just want to be COMFORTABLE with my body, what ever size that ends up being!

Til next week...

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

So, Weight Watchers may be my thing!

I am not a big fan of the meetings, but they are tolerable. I DO like the accountability of having to weigh in.

The food part is pretty easy so far. Most Veggies and Fruits are zero points, so I am set there! I’ve got the Weight Watchers Ap and can use it to quickly figure out how many points anything is worth… and decide if it is worth eating. I have had some things that I typically wouldn’t think of eating on a “diet”, but compensated for the points by eating things with few (or no) points the rest of the day. I went to the gym on Saturday too. Rode the stationary bike for half of forever. Actually an hour, but it felt longer than that. Still, burned some extra calories.

ANNNNNNNNND the best part is, I lost 5.2 pounds last week!

5.2 pounds!

So, I am gonna keep on keepin on and see how things work out next week at weigh in.
Going to try and get to the gym twice this week and drink more water.

I feel good. Really good. I am excited. This just may work!

Until next week…


Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

Yeah, so I broke down and joined Weight Watchers. Well, I didn’t actually break down. CC texted me and said she was going, so I just met her there. Nothing else is working.

Monday is weigh in day and this week I weighed on at 252. Makes me sick. Now, by the scales at home, I’m down to 244 this morning. I can’t imagine that this will match up with the scales at WW on Monday night. I will weigh on Monday at home and see how that compares to the scales at WW on Monday night.

This week I am supposed to settle on my “why” so that I can have a clear idea of why I am doing this. It’s easy to start something, I know this to be true. It is harder to stick with something once the “new” has worn off. Like I said, nothing else is working. I’ve been halfheartedly fighting this battle for years. I’m tired of it. I'm too old to do shakes and pills and teas and all the other stuff. I'm not doing it to lose a few vanity pounds or so that I can look good. I just want to be a healthy weight and not stress over food all the time.

So, I guess the biggest “why” is that I am tired of this. I am tired of looking for the new next best thing to lose weight. I am tired of being fat. I am tired of being insecure about the way my clothes fit. I am tired of being limited in what I can wear. (Just because they make it in your size doesn’t mean you should wear it, ya know?) I am tired of wishing that I was thin. I am tired of thinking that “one day” I will be.

My outside just doesn’t match my inside. Even after being this size for so long, I am amazed when I look in the mirror. I still don’t recognize this body.

I’m going to give WW 3 months. I expect that it will work and I will stick with it after that. I mean, WW has been around since…well…longer than me. I know more people who have adopted the WW way of eating for life. I hope that’s what I can do.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

Had the Flu last week.
That really wasn't much fun.
Since i wrote last, I'd gained to 255.
Today i weighed in at a flat 250.
So, I'm hopeful.

A dear friend of mine, who hasn't even seen her 40th birthday, had a stroke last week. A minor stroke, but a stroke none-the-less. This caught my attention. She is overweight and diabetic. Now she's had a stroke.

So, yesterday I went to the gym. Rode the stationary bike - only because i still have this terrible cough post Flu (am going to the Dr to see about that today) and didn't want to have a coughing fit.

Can't gym today because i have to get to church, but will be there again tomorrow. Maybe i could do something at home tonight... that's a thought.

I am seriously considering Intermittent Fasting again. It worked well for me before. I think it works because it cuts out my mindless snacking and soda-drinking.

I could fast for 16 hours / eat for 8 and it wouldn't interfere with much of anything really. I could actually fast 18-20 hours most days and call it "fasting" when in reality I'd just be giving up snacking and soft drinks! ha!

So, here's the plan (nothing else has clicked, might as well start over again)
IF (Intermittent Fasting) 16-18 hours a day
Gym M T T F Sa
Up H2O intake to 80 oz a day

If you haven't already figured this heart really isn't in this. I KNOW i need to lose weight, not for vanity, but for my actual HEALTH. It might be easier if it WAS for vanity.

Maybe if i could lose 20 pounds i'd be encouraged. Who knows. It seems like an impossible task to lose 80 pounds.

Anyway, weighing in at 250 today.
Starting IF, going to the gym, and upping water consumption.

See ya next week!

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

“Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors are procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting. These acts may seem helpful in the moment, but they ultimately undermine us, especially when we engage in them repeatedly.”

I guess that I might as well go ahead and deal with this on the front end. (sigh)

I can’t even tell you how many times I do this. I KNOW what I want, what will make me happy, and what causes me stress and anxiety. It’s not like “I think that maybe being overweight makes me unhappy.” I KNOW it does. I KNOW that I would be more at peace with myself if I were a healthy weight.

So, as soon as I decided to share this journey with you, my sugar craving went into over-drive and I have had an insatiable appetite. It’s CRAZY! I’ve snacked late at night, eaten past the point of being full, and had WAY too much sugar. oh... and no exercise. None.

Obviously, I haven’t lost any weight.

I do so many things that don’t make sense. Overeating when I want to be thin is just one of them. I hope that by dealing with this one area, I will learn how to deal with the others.

Thing is, I KNOW how silly this is. I mean really, how hard is it to NOT overeat? How hard is it to get some exercise? How hard is it to eat healthy foods?  I mean really, it can't be that hard. Even so, I look around me and I realize that I am totally not the only one who struggles with this. I hope that in sharing my journey others will be encouraged.

This week my goal is to identify the ways I sabotage myself. I want to get beyond the general, surface level "I ate too much sugar" to the WHY...Why did I over eat? What triggered it? What was I thinking when I overate? What lies am I believing about food and my body?

So, the weigh in for today…
  • 251.8 lbs
  • Size 2X shrts and Jackets
  • Size 16 plus pants
  • The plan – Step one – eliminate added sugar from my diet
  • Will get before pic and measurements before next week.

Until next Wednesday,

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

I have shared different battles with you over the years. The one that got the most attention was my battle with laryngeal cancer. I was able to openly share my heart in those days and God used those words to encourage and inspire others while bringing Glory to Himself.

Other battles are not so easy to share. Some involve other people- parenting, friendships, and marriage for example- and I do not want to share the details of my family’s and friends’ lives here. Some are truly too personal to share with the world. Others are simply not meant to be shared.

God usually presses me to write what I write. I can look back over my blog and recognize (quickly) the posts that are God Inspired and the ones that are Kris Inspired. Usually, I feel confident in God’s prompting because I know that the struggles I face are not unique to me and that others can benefit from my journey. Sometimes I argue with God about sharing things…

This is one of those times.

Even so, here I am at the keyboard, kicking and screaming, NOT wanting to share this journey. This is personal. This is my area of weakness, an area where I am still in bondage to sin and Satan’s lies. I like to write about areas I am comfortable with, areas where I have succeeded in quieting Satan’s lies. This is NOT one of those areas. This is the part of my life that I don’t talk about, that I am ashamed of, and that I am most sensitive about. Still, here we are. (SIGH) God wins. I’m tired of fighting.

I have NO idea what this is going to look like. “Wednesday Weigh-In” has a nice little catchy ring to it, so I’ll call it that. As the name suggests, I will “Weigh In” each Wednesday. Today my thought is that I will literally weigh in and let you travel the road to weight loss and healthy living with me. However, I know me, and I have a feeling that there will be other things that come up that I need to “weigh in” on, so don’t be surprised if there are other things that pop up from time to time.

Here we go…

It seems impossible that I could ever be “fit” again. I have been in this place so many times and I fail over and over. I am so afraid of failure that I would rather not try than try and fail. But I’m in this now. No turning back. (I think I may vomit)

I’ve always been tall. In Junior High, I reached 5’9” and all I wanted was to be “small.” I used anorexia and bulimia in high school and college and kept my weight around 140. (thin, but not “sick”) In my early 20s, I got down to under 130. After I married, I gained a little weight. After I had Brian in '99, I weighed 150. I weighed 180 when I got pregnant with Izzy and, when I had her (2005), I weighed 181. Still thin. No tummy bulge, love handles or “muffin top”. Then, over the next 3 years, I gained another 25 pounds. When I went for the appointment that started my cancer journey, I weighed 207. I quickly (thanks to a mixture of steroids, depression, no exercise and poor post-surgery food choices) gained up to 240 and kept that weight from 2009- 2016. Then, for whatever reason, I gained 10 more pounds.  

Now then. You’re all caught up on how I got here.  

Here’s the “weigh in” for today….
  • 250lbs
  • Size 2X shirts and jackets
  • Size 16 Plus pants
  • I don’t have a plan. I haven’t gotten that far yet. I suppose I will exercise more and eat less...or eat healthier. That's a start. 
  • I'll get a "before" picture and measurements before i post next week.

Until next week,


Sanctity of Life Week

I suppose I should have shared this last week. For whatever reason, I felt lead to save it for this week. Now I have a better understanding of why I needed to wait. This past weekend, hundreds of thousands of women marched in protest to the Trump administration, for LGBTQ rights, Abortion Rights, and Equal rights. I am still sorting through my emotions on all this and will save that post for another day. Today, I want to share my heart on the subject of abortion through last week's  post on Internet Cafe Devotions. 

As we approach Sanctity of Life Week…


1 in 3 women have had an abortion. If you are one of the one in three, this is for you. What happened was, and remains, terribly wrong. Even so, there IS hope!  Doubting that God can forgive and restore does not speak to the enormity of the sin, but to lack of belief in the power of the blood of Jesus Christ.To those who do not carry the burden of this specific sin, drop your rocks, and love like Jesus. Offer hope, not condemnation.

Continue Reading here

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Word and Verse for 2017

Along with Resolutions and a promise to myself to “get myself together”, the New Year brings with it a new verse and a new word for the year. While the excitement of New Year Resolutions and my commitment to keep them all fades, my verse and my word remind me daily of how I want to live out the year.

This year’s verse is 1 Corinthians 10:31:
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the Glory of God.

I love this precious reminder that EVERYTHING I do should bring God Glory. Focusing on this helps my attitude in so many situations. It is a constant reminder that I am not my own, that I represent Christ, and that HE lives in me.

My word for the year is 

Of all the parts of the Fruit of the Spirit, self-control is my weak spot. I’m not even sure that this is possible. I mean, we all receive the Fruit when we accept Christ as Lord, but I really struggle with Self-Control. Most of my problems, shortcomings, and anxiety stem from lack of self-control in some area. I’m praying that God will grow this fruit in my life with some hesitancy. I know from past experience that asking God to grow something in my life typically results in me finding myself in situations where I need lots of the thing I have asked Him for.

Do you have a verse and/or word for the year? I’d love to know what yours are!

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Carrot, Egg, or Coffee Bean???

I closed out Ladies Small group last night with an illustration (not mine) that they were not familiar with, so I decided to share here too.

We all have hard seasons. Perhaps it was your childhood, or rebellious teen years. Maybe your season was an abusive marriage, or a divorce. Maybe you have a special needs child, a parent with Alzheimer’s, someone you love has (or has had) cancer, or someone you love died or left you. Maybe yours isn’t tragic. Maybe you had a hard time adjusting to marriage, waiting on a spouse, or waiting on a baby. Maybe you struggled in college or took “too long” to become established in your career. What contributed to your difficult season isn’t the point, only that you had one.

Now that you’ve thought about it…

What do you do with it? Hard times leave their mark on us. They change us. The question is, HOW have they changed YOU?

Think of hard times like boiling water.

What does boiling water do to an egg? Makes it hard, right? TOO many women who have become hard in response to their difficult seasons. In an attempt to not be hurt again, they build walls, develop a tough exterior and refuse to let anyone in. Know anyone like that?

Now, what about a carrot? Put a carrot in boiling water and what happens? Left long enough, it turns to mush, right? The boiling water makes it weak. I know women who have allowed their difficult seasons to wear them to the point that they are just…soft. They just exist. They don’t feel they are anything more than a victim. Know anyone like that?

And then there’s coffee. What happens when we expose coffee beans to boiling water? THEY CHANGE THE WATER! Praise Jesus! Yes! Add boiling water to Coffee beans, and the water becomes rich, tasty, and full of energy-boosting caffeine… AND the longer we steep our coffee in that boiling water, the stronger it becomes! See why I LOVE this illustration?

The only problem with this is that I am NOT coffee. Left to my own devices, I am an egg. I shut people out and retreat to my peaceful, lonely solitude…

But GOD shapes my heart and fills me with the fruit of the Spirit (Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control) and THROUGH HIM, I become Coffee. Actually, I think that maybe the “boiling water” of life allows HIM to seep out of me. Either way, when I focus on HIM and not on my circumstances, HE uses me (and you) to do amazing things. We get to see Him work. We get to be part of what He is doing. We get to witness His mighty power. We learn what it means to “follow Christ” and to “know” Him. We learn what “All things work together for GOOD for those who love Him” means. We learn that God’s plan is best, even when it is painful.

Satan wants to remind us of all the bad that’s been done to and by us. Satan wants to make us hard so that we are afraid to get involved in others’ lives. Satan wants to make us so weak that we believe we have no value. Satan wants us to focus on the worst parts of our lives, 

But GOD wants us to be Coffee. HE wants to USE those experiences to make the lives around us richer.

Think about the deepest darkest time you’ve ever been through. 

SOMEONE is in that dark place now. YOU can be the person who leads them out.


Wednesday, January 4, 2017

2017: New Year! (Same ol' Goals)

Well here we are. Another brand new year. I LOVE New Years. I get all giddy excited about the possibility of a fresh start. There is a feeling in my bones that sounds something like "THIS is the year I'm gonna get it right!"

And then the next New Year rolls around and I spend a moment wishing I'd done a better job with the previous 12 months...and then think "THIS is the year..."

So, I am all giddy excited about 2017 and all the potential it holds!
I have volumes of resolutions and goals that can all be mushed together to read something like, you guessed it, "THIS is the year I'm gonna get it right!"

I want to mark 15 things off my bucket list. That's not nearly as exciting or adventurous as it sounds. Most of my list is made up of things i want to learn...or learn to do...or read. I have over 100 books on there. Last year, my goal was 5 things. (I need to go back and see if i made that.) I am being wild and crazy this year and mark off 15.

I want to blog once a week for 52 consecutive weeks. I have a terrible time with consistency. So, this year, I'm gonna get it right and blog once every week. May be some REALLY boring stuff on here. We'll see.

I want to read the Bible thru. Genesis to Revelation. The hubs has made this easy for me. He is doing a reading plan with the church so that we can all read it thru. Super excited about this!

I want to memorize the Sermon on the Mount. That's asking a lot of this old brain. i still remember the prologue to Canterbury Tales from high school...surely i can memorize one more thing.

I want to learn to knit and i want to learn Spanish and American Sign Language. Oh! I want to learn to use chop sticks.

Let's see, that's 7.

I want to journal every day. Again, likely to get very boring. Not much happens in my little life.

I suppose the rest of my 15 things could be books.

Oh no! Wait! I "resolve" to go to the gym at least 3 times a week for 52 weeks and to drink 80 oz of water a day for 6 weeks.

Ya know, the things I REALLY want are not things i can measure right now. I don't know if i will ever know whether or not i accomplished them. They are not tangible or measurable. I want to leave a big hole when i'm gone. Not so that people will be all sad and whatever. I just want it to REALLY matter that i was here. I want it to matter that i took up space on this planet. I want people to be thankful that they knew me. I want to make a difference in the lives of the people God has placed in my life. When people think of me, i want them to think of Christ. I want my life to be characterized by my love for Him. I want to be remembered as someone who truly loved Jesus, and who lived and talked like it.

I don't know that i will ever know if i accomplished this or not, but it makes me happy to try. Serving Christ and leading others to a deeper relationship with Him brings me tremendous joy. I guess that's why I don't have over the top exciting things on my bucket list or in my resolutions. I like my little life. I like where God has me. Sure there are things I'd like to improve on and ways I'd like to do to be a better person, but nothing compares to serving and knowing Christ.

Before i go, I will share my word and my verse for 2017.
My word is

My Verse is 1 Corinthians 10:31
 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

Do you have New Year's Resolutions? 2017 Goals? A Word or verse for 2017?

I'd love to know how you face the new year!