God Sized

I have been waiting for God to tell me what to do. I imagine He shook His Holy head and said "Kris, Kris, Kris....how many times do we have to go through this?"

A few things happened this week that solidified my writing.... Writing, on this blog, in e-mails, for the FLO Blog and Bible Study, and, as of...well...I guess now, a book. Over the past month or so I have lamented over wanting to do BIG things for God. I have been reminded that I need to focus on doing GOD sized things rather than what I consider to be "big" things. Now, the things that solidified this...

First of all, my voice is still sooo weak. I can't sing and I can't really talk for long periods of time. I need to do SOMETHING to use up all these extra words I am alloted each day. My only real outlet is to write. Writing here allows me to share my heart and my thoughts about what God is doing in my life. I have always had the attitude of "I can NOT be the only one who feels this way / is going through this" and I feel like this is a way for me to share God with,....well...you.

Secondly, I am totally thrilled to DEATH that I have had over 600 visitors to this blog 2 months in a row now! I am even MORE excited that some of you have left comments. Than you SO much for your kind words and encouragement!

I had a completely random thing happen too. My best friend from JUNIOR HIGH (remember, I am pushing 40) introduced me to a chick that wants to write a Bible Study. After a couple of e-mails, we decided that we might collaborate on something. Her excitement and determination helped me see how cautious I have been about all this. It's not like anyone is waiting on a book from me....except maybe my mama. I don't have a deadline to meet or have any expectations to live up to. All I need to do is start writing and see what happens.

Then, I sent 2 friends my thoughts on the concept for a book. They both said "YES!" In short, I am so tired of beating my head against the wall when it comes to women in spiritual bondage to their past, it is time I delclared war on Satan. I guess this is how I am going to do it.  

So, FINALLY, as I am discussing the "book" with a friend, she gave me a WONDERFUL example of exactly the battle that we face when we are faced with things that REALLY stink, but cannot be changed. Afterall, there are things in life that just are what they are. You can't change them and you can't make them right because they are just terrible. So, ya gotta figure out how to live with what ever these things are. In my friends case, it is a loved one having terminal cancer. There is just nothing good about that.....unless we let God make something good of it. 

So, thank you CUP BEARER, I am excited about being a little hinge on whatever size door GOD wants to put me on! 

I'm just gonna do my little writing on my little blog and be thankful that God is in control.

Hugs all around!

me and jonah

I sent Christa a post today for the FLO blog. You can click on the link to the right of this page and go there. She does a FABULOUS job on that blog!  Anyway, I sent her a post today. i do from time to time.

Seems that I have discovered what my "slump" is all about. I am hangin out in the belly of a whale. Not literally of course. I just can't get past this.I know I posted yesterday about giving God my "Firsts" instead of my left-overs.

In the post I sent Christa for the FLO blog, I also refered to giving God what he desires rather than "what I can". 

But isn't that what I do? I do what I can. When I can. It is hard for me to let go and let God do big things in my life....at least it is hard to do when i can handle life on my own.

Isn't that always the case? When I call on God, let go and give Him control is when I realize that things are bigger than I can deal with....like when I had cancer, or when the doc thought Calvin had a heart problem, or when my sister ran away from home, or when my brother had a severe neck injury playing football, or when a tree fell on my step dad's back, or when my mom smashed the bones in her ankle all to pieces, or when the doctor told me I was probably going to lose my first child in the 13th week of pregnancy (he is 11 yrs old now), or when....you get the picture. I am like everyone else I guess. It is easy for me to run into my Father's arms when things get tough. When i can't fix it, I run to God and say "okay, I give up. You take it from here"

How much richer would my life be if I ran to God in the GOOD times and said, "okay, YOU can do a better job here than I can. You take it from here."

I'm trying. Really I am.  Really. I get up in the morning and say, "Okay God. No more Hangin out with Jonah. You wnat me to write, I'll write. Just give me the words. You want me to teach, I'll teach. Just give me the lesson. You wnat me to talk to women, I'll talk. Just tell me what to say.You want me to love Calvin and nurture him and be his help mate, I will. Just tell me what he needs. Want me to raise godlly kids, You got it. Just tell me what to do." But today, like so many days, it is now time for bed and I am wondering "how'd I do God?" Nothing amazing happened. Nothing earth shattering or life changing happened today. Did I miss it?

Here's the thing.....I want...I REALLY want to do BIG things for God. I want to do GOD-SIZED things. I do. I really really do. But I am a chicken. I am afraid of failing and the things I feel in my heart that God is wanting to do through me are things I cannot do.

So in lies the problem. And again i am in the belly of the whale with Jonah. Or maybe I am in the boat on the way to Tarshish. Either way, I am struggling.

I feel like i am standing on the high dive. I know all i have to do is jump and everything will be fine. It's the jumping part that is the problem.

So, for now i am fighting myself. I WANT to do BIG things....but I'm just me andI know me...and I'm not all that great.

I DO serve a GREAT BIG HUGE AMAZING GOD and I want so much to bring Him glory with my life.

So I guess the question is do I trust Him?

Oh Lord! I do believe! Help my unbelief!

hugs

K

Going Through The Motions

In Sunday School this morning, Dave taught from Malachi....the thing in the lesson that caught my attention and stuck with me was a conversation about how the Isrealites were "Going through the motions" so to speak. The were going to the temple, they were making sacrifices, they were making vows....but it was all being done half heartedly. They were not giving their best to the Lord. They were just giving something.

Would be nice if this were an isolated incident.....

The same issue is addressed in Revelation...The church at Ephesus was guilty of Going through the motions as well.....

Revelation 2

I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. 4Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.

I wish that this was something that was only an issue or the folks of Bible times. Unfortunately, I too am guilty of just Going Through The Motions.....Going to Church because it is Sunday or Wednesday, even going through an entire service without opening my heart to my Creator....giving what I "can afford" for a tithe ( when i still go out to eat with friends)....spending what time I "can afford" in prayer and quiet time with my savior ( while making sure not to miss my favorite TV shows).

UGH! Is it any wonder that I falter in my walk with Christ???? When I am only giving Him my leftovers....is it surprising that my relationship with my Savior is strained? I am ashamed to admit that I have, like the Ephesians, lost my FIRST LOVE, and have substituted the love of My Life with cheap imitations.....

Scripture does give a remedy for the ailment of the Christian Soul.....Found in Revelation 2

5Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.

Oh Father God! I am so sorry for giving you my leftovers. i am sorry that I have been Going Through The Motions. I am sorry that I have replaced my love for YOU with cheap imitations. Oh Lord, put the fire back in my heart. Fill me with your love again so that all I want is more and more of you. I will do my part and give you the FIRSTS....of my time, my money, and my talents and gifts. I will serve you whole heartedly. Lord, fill me up again so that I can show others Your Love. Lord, you have my heart and my life. Please grow me so that those you have put in my life can see YOU in me.

Amen

Not gonna just Go Through the Motions anymore!

Goin to church now....no time for spell check, so just forgive the errors.....

Hugs
K