Oh! Things are so much better today! The nausea has gone away completely (thanks to 2 different nausea medications) and my headache is now only occasional, and is tolerable. I made it most of the day today without any pain medication, so I really have felt almost normal.
My neck is beginning to hurt more...or maybe I am just noticing it more. Still, NOTHING is worse to me than being sick to my stomach, so I can easily deal with the pain in my neck.
The incision goes from behind the middle of my ear to just above my shoulder. It is a pretty fantastic wound. I will enjoy telling my grandchildren about it one day. (especially if I am blessed enough to be able to tell them that my wound helped introduce one of my doctors to Christ!)
I don't seem to have the expected nerve damage to my right shoulder and arm. My ear and right side of my face are swollen and numb, but other than that, I think I am no worse for wear.
I got several cards in the mail today. I am so very grateful for the prayers that have been said on my behalf. All in all this has been much worse on Calvin and my mom than on me. Please continue to pray for my family and close friends as you pray for me. They are helpless bystanders in this and would very much like to make it all better. The past few days have been especially hard on them because I have been so very sick.
I still believe that God is doing something amazing. I wish He'd let me in on the plan, but then I guess I'd mess it up. I feel like a child at Christmas...just waiting until my Father will let me open the gift that has caught my eye...the one that I am sure is exactly what I asked for.
Oh God! That you would allow me to be a testimony of your amazing love to the doctors and nurses who have taken such good care of me over the past months!
It will be wonderful to look back on this whole ordeal and be able to tell the tale, knowing all the details. I cannot wait to see what God had in mind when He started this chapter of my life. My continual prayer is that I will keep my eyes on Him and follow His plan...and never cease to praise Him.
Please continue to pray that I will have peace and patience as we wait for the pathology results, but also continue to pray for all my doctors. They are an amazing bunch. They work such long hours and they all treat me like they do not have another patient needing their attention. They make me feel at ease, like my "case" is important to them, and that it matters to them how I feel. Mom had to call several times about the nausea and they worked with her until we got a combination of medications that allowed me to at least keep some food in my stomach. They are wonderful. Please pray that God will speak to them and that they will fully understand the gift they have been given. We come to them frightened and helpless. They are able to calm our fears as they make us well. Few are able to see God work in his or her life on a daily basis, but they can if they will but look for His hand guiding theirs.
Someone told me the other day that he wished he could have as much faith as I do. He said that, if put in these circumstances, he might not believe that God would "come through". My faith is not remarkable, but my God is. My faith comes naturally because I KNOW who it is I am putting my faith in. We cannot always know what God is doing, but WHO HE IS never, never, never changes. He just is. He is the Alpha and Omega. He is, was, and is to come. He is my redeemer, my comforter, my savior, and my Lord. He is my Father, my Creator, and HE is my closest friend. I love Him. Deeply, passionately, with every fiber of my soul, I LOVE Him. It is my greatest pleasure to serve Him. My constant prayer is that the people who know me will desire to know Him more.
I hope you all have a wonderful evening!
Hugs,
K
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Home...Day 2
Still doing well. The entire right side of my head and neck are numb to the touch. Well, from the top of my ear down anyway. My headache has finally eased up, leaving room for the pain in my neck to be acknowledged. My lip is not quite so swollen and my eyes are not quite so puffy. my neck is pretty swollen on the right side, but that is expected.
I had hoped that we might hear from the pathology report today. Of course, they have much more tissue to look at this time, being that we removed all those lymph nodes. Maybe Monday will bring us some news.
I am trying not to write too much while I am on pain meds...wouldn't want to be embarrassed later.
My doctors did a great job. Dr Pitman came and visited Wednesday night, as did Dr Grimm and (I think) Dr Donaldson. I must check to make sure Ihave Dr Donaldson's name correct. She was so super sweet. Calvin said he liked her better than anyone. i am sure it was because of her amazing bedside manner and had nothing to do with the fact that she is an adorable blonde! ha ha ha She said something that is perhaps the only thing I really remember wednesday night...she said "They told me you were doing great, but I had to come by and see for myself." I guess it still amazes me that the doctors that I have met over the past few months really seem to care about me as a person....not just about getting me well.
Enough for now....
hugs
k
I had hoped that we might hear from the pathology report today. Of course, they have much more tissue to look at this time, being that we removed all those lymph nodes. Maybe Monday will bring us some news.
I am trying not to write too much while I am on pain meds...wouldn't want to be embarrassed later.
My doctors did a great job. Dr Pitman came and visited Wednesday night, as did Dr Grimm and (I think) Dr Donaldson. I must check to make sure Ihave Dr Donaldson's name correct. She was so super sweet. Calvin said he liked her better than anyone. i am sure it was because of her amazing bedside manner and had nothing to do with the fact that she is an adorable blonde! ha ha ha She said something that is perhaps the only thing I really remember wednesday night...she said "They told me you were doing great, but I had to come by and see for myself." I guess it still amazes me that the doctors that I have met over the past few months really seem to care about me as a person....not just about getting me well.
Enough for now....
hugs
k
Thursday, February 19, 2009
home
Surgery went well. At least that's what they tell me. I am most excited about getting stiches in my neck rather than staples. I owe Dr P a batch of cookies!
I THINK the worst part of this surgery was the wrath of the anesthesia. It kicked my butt. The nausea has passed finally, but my head still feels like Ihave been in a boxing match. Actually, I sorta look like I have been in a fight. My lip is all swollen, my eyes are puffy...yuck!
Both doctors said that the surgery went great and that I did great (always thought that I was a particularly gifted sleeper). Dr S said that there was no visible growth on my cords. Dr P said that my nodes appeared normal, except for their size. Both doctors and the Fellow and the residents all promised to call me as soon as they get the path results.
I am so glad to be home. I am so glad that this surgery is over.
Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes!
Hugs
K
I THINK the worst part of this surgery was the wrath of the anesthesia. It kicked my butt. The nausea has passed finally, but my head still feels like Ihave been in a boxing match. Actually, I sorta look like I have been in a fight. My lip is all swollen, my eyes are puffy...yuck!
Both doctors said that the surgery went great and that I did great (always thought that I was a particularly gifted sleeper). Dr S said that there was no visible growth on my cords. Dr P said that my nodes appeared normal, except for their size. Both doctors and the Fellow and the residents all promised to call me as soon as they get the path results.
I am so glad to be home. I am so glad that this surgery is over.
Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes!
Hugs
K
Monday, February 16, 2009
Just details
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
Last night we had a Valentine Dinner at church. We watched Fireproof. Calvin and I saw it in the theater, so (thankfully) I did not have an emotional meltdown there in front of the majority of the congregation. I did, however, have a moment when I almost couldn't breathe...a moment apart from the train scene and the fire rescue, I mean. It was when the song "I'm Waiting" (John Waller) played. I have not heard it outside of the movie, and I am surprised. i cannot imagine that I am the only one who can relate to the lyrics.
Last night, sitting there with my best friends, the people I share my life with, I was reminded of God's goodness. Everyone seated at the table with me has a remarkable story to tell of God's presence in his or her life. Their's are stories of provision, healing, support, comfort, forgiveness, redemption, submission...I am so blessed to call them my friends. I can see God's hand in each of their lives and it gives me such comfort. It is true, "I am waiting on you Lord, and it's painful, and it's not not easy, but I am hopeful, and I'm peaceful...and I will serve you and worship you while I am waiting." I am so thankful that this can HONESTLY be my prayer.
God has proved Himself worthy of my trust over and over in my own life and has been gracious enough to give me friends who have lives that echo His trustworthiness.
We got home and Calvin told me that some of the deacons asked him if they could lay hands on me and pray for me. I was asked the same sort of question this morning by another friend. Calvin told the deacons the same thing I told my friend. "we really are fine."
This opened up the door for Calvin and I to talk about the upcoming surgery and following tests.
We both agree that, while God can definitely choose to heal me and the biopsies can come back clean (which is of course what we are hoping for), He can also choose not to heal me...and we are okay with that. Our faith does not rest in God's ability to heal me, but in the fact that he has promised salvation through Christ to all who believe...and I most certainly believe. We both are aware that God's ways are not ours, that what we want is not always the Best thing, and that His plan is perfect, not ours.
While some may think that our response to the requests to lay hands on me and pray for me may seem like a sign of unbelief, it most certainly is not. We have a congregation to lead and friends to encourage, and a lost world to introduce to Christ. We already have precious friends who confuse thanking God for sweet little daily blessings with God desiring to answer their every prayer. For example, thanking God for a empty check outline at Wal*Mart and expecting God to open a new checkout line at Wal*Mart are two entirely different things.
While I do look for the "little things" God does in my life everyday, the only thing He needed to do has been done. He died for me so that I could be with Him in Heaven. Nothing else could ever compare to that, nothing else is needed, and nothing else is promised. Jesus Himself asked...begged...that He be delivered from the path of the cross. The Cross was God's idea, God's plan, and was more important than eliminating Christ's suffering. We like to think that God, in His goodness, will answer our prayers when our prayers are noble. Surely God would have answered the noble prayer of His own Son if that were the case.
So, We have a tremendous responsibility to those watching us. There are many who already believe that God will answer their prayer for a parking space close to the building, to stop the rain long enough for them to get inside without ruining their hair, to turn all the lights green when they are late for work. I too am quick to give God credit for these things. I look for these "little blessings" and am quick to offer thanks to my creator for them...but I do not blame Him if the lights are all red when I am late for work, when there is not a parking space within a mile of the building, when there is only one open line at Wal*Mart, or when it starts pouring rain as soon as I step outside.
My peace, my comfort, my assurance does not come from the fact that God can indeed heal me. I know He can if it will serve Him best. I also know that it may not serve Him best to heal me. The choice is His. My faith is grounded in the fact that He died for my sins and that I am guaranteed a place in Heaven. The rest is just details.
Hugs,
K
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
Last night we had a Valentine Dinner at church. We watched Fireproof. Calvin and I saw it in the theater, so (thankfully) I did not have an emotional meltdown there in front of the majority of the congregation. I did, however, have a moment when I almost couldn't breathe...a moment apart from the train scene and the fire rescue, I mean. It was when the song "I'm Waiting" (John Waller) played. I have not heard it outside of the movie, and I am surprised. i cannot imagine that I am the only one who can relate to the lyrics.
Last night, sitting there with my best friends, the people I share my life with, I was reminded of God's goodness. Everyone seated at the table with me has a remarkable story to tell of God's presence in his or her life. Their's are stories of provision, healing, support, comfort, forgiveness, redemption, submission...I am so blessed to call them my friends. I can see God's hand in each of their lives and it gives me such comfort. It is true, "I am waiting on you Lord, and it's painful, and it's not not easy, but I am hopeful, and I'm peaceful...and I will serve you and worship you while I am waiting." I am so thankful that this can HONESTLY be my prayer.
God has proved Himself worthy of my trust over and over in my own life and has been gracious enough to give me friends who have lives that echo His trustworthiness.
We got home and Calvin told me that some of the deacons asked him if they could lay hands on me and pray for me. I was asked the same sort of question this morning by another friend. Calvin told the deacons the same thing I told my friend. "we really are fine."
This opened up the door for Calvin and I to talk about the upcoming surgery and following tests.
We both agree that, while God can definitely choose to heal me and the biopsies can come back clean (which is of course what we are hoping for), He can also choose not to heal me...and we are okay with that. Our faith does not rest in God's ability to heal me, but in the fact that he has promised salvation through Christ to all who believe...and I most certainly believe. We both are aware that God's ways are not ours, that what we want is not always the Best thing, and that His plan is perfect, not ours.
While some may think that our response to the requests to lay hands on me and pray for me may seem like a sign of unbelief, it most certainly is not. We have a congregation to lead and friends to encourage, and a lost world to introduce to Christ. We already have precious friends who confuse thanking God for sweet little daily blessings with God desiring to answer their every prayer. For example, thanking God for a empty check outline at Wal*Mart and expecting God to open a new checkout line at Wal*Mart are two entirely different things.
While I do look for the "little things" God does in my life everyday, the only thing He needed to do has been done. He died for me so that I could be with Him in Heaven. Nothing else could ever compare to that, nothing else is needed, and nothing else is promised. Jesus Himself asked...begged...that He be delivered from the path of the cross. The Cross was God's idea, God's plan, and was more important than eliminating Christ's suffering. We like to think that God, in His goodness, will answer our prayers when our prayers are noble. Surely God would have answered the noble prayer of His own Son if that were the case.
So, We have a tremendous responsibility to those watching us. There are many who already believe that God will answer their prayer for a parking space close to the building, to stop the rain long enough for them to get inside without ruining their hair, to turn all the lights green when they are late for work. I too am quick to give God credit for these things. I look for these "little blessings" and am quick to offer thanks to my creator for them...but I do not blame Him if the lights are all red when I am late for work, when there is not a parking space within a mile of the building, when there is only one open line at Wal*Mart, or when it starts pouring rain as soon as I step outside.
My peace, my comfort, my assurance does not come from the fact that God can indeed heal me. I know He can if it will serve Him best. I also know that it may not serve Him best to heal me. The choice is His. My faith is grounded in the fact that He died for my sins and that I am guaranteed a place in Heaven. The rest is just details.
Hugs,
K
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