Monday, February 16, 2009

Just details

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

Last night we had a Valentine Dinner at church. We watched Fireproof. Calvin and I saw it in the theater, so (thankfully) I did not have an emotional meltdown there in front of the majority of the congregation. I did, however, have a moment when I almost couldn't breathe...a moment apart from the train scene and the fire rescue, I mean. It was when the song "I'm Waiting" (John Waller) played. I have not heard it outside of the movie, and I am surprised. i cannot imagine that I am the only one who can relate to the lyrics.
Last night, sitting there with my best friends, the people I share my life with, I was reminded of God's goodness. Everyone seated at the table with me has a remarkable story to tell of God's presence in his or her life. Their's are stories of provision, healing, support, comfort, forgiveness, redemption, submission...I am so blessed to call them my friends. I can see God's hand in each of their lives and it gives me such comfort. It is true, "I am waiting on you Lord, and it's painful, and it's not not easy, but I am hopeful, and I'm peaceful...and I will serve you and worship you while I am waiting." I am so thankful that this can HONESTLY be my prayer.
God has proved Himself worthy of my trust over and over in my own life and has been gracious enough to give me friends who have lives that echo His trustworthiness.
We got home and Calvin told me that some of the deacons asked him if they could lay hands on me and pray for me. I was asked the same sort of question this morning by another friend. Calvin told the deacons the same thing I told my friend. "we really are fine."
This opened up the door for Calvin and I to talk about the upcoming surgery and following tests.
We both agree that, while God can definitely choose to heal me and the biopsies can come back clean (which is of course what we are hoping for), He can also choose not to heal me...and we are okay with that. Our faith does not rest in God's ability to heal me, but in the fact that he has promised salvation through Christ to all who believe...and I most certainly believe. We both are aware that God's ways are not ours, that what we want is not always the Best thing, and that His plan is perfect, not ours.
While some may think that our response to the requests to lay hands on me and pray for me may seem like a sign of unbelief, it most certainly is not. We have a congregation to lead and friends to encourage, and a lost world to introduce to Christ. We already have precious friends who confuse thanking God for sweet little daily blessings with God desiring to answer their every prayer. For example, thanking God for a empty check outline at Wal*Mart and expecting God to open a new checkout line at Wal*Mart are two entirely different things.
While I do look for the "little things" God does in my life everyday, the only thing He needed to do has been done. He died for me so that I could be with Him in Heaven. Nothing else could ever compare to that, nothing else is needed, and nothing else is promised. Jesus Himself asked...begged...that He be delivered from the path of the cross. The Cross was God's idea, God's plan, and was more important than eliminating Christ's suffering. We like to think that God, in His goodness, will answer our prayers when our prayers are noble. Surely God would have answered the noble prayer of His own Son if that were the case.
So, We have a tremendous responsibility to those watching us. There are many who already believe that God will answer their prayer for a parking space close to the building, to stop the rain long enough for them to get inside without ruining their hair, to turn all the lights green when they are late for work. I too am quick to give God credit for these things. I look for these "little blessings" and am quick to offer thanks to my creator for them...but I do not blame Him if the lights are all red when I am late for work, when there is not a parking space within a mile of the building, when there is only one open line at Wal*Mart, or when it starts pouring rain as soon as I step outside.
My peace, my comfort, my assurance does not come from the fact that God can indeed heal me. I know He can if it will serve Him best. I also know that it may not serve Him best to heal me. The choice is His. My faith is grounded in the fact that He died for my sins and that I am guaranteed a place in Heaven. The rest is just details.
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