At the end of the last day of the first week of 'Summer Training," the coaches asked for some people to volunteer to give their testimonies. 2 fellas and one lady told their stories. The coaches said that by the time we're done, they want everyone to give their testimony.
I feel a little sick about this.
Don't get me wrong... we pray at the end of every "class" and sometimes before we even get started. It's not like faith is a taboo subject...
but I'm afraid. I don't have Calvin's protection there. I don't have my boss's protection there. I don't have the respect of being "Pastor wife" or "Calvin's wife" or "Executive Assistant"... if there is any respect to be had for these titles. No one there knows me. They don't have any reason to show me grace because I'm kind or nice or helpful or whatever, cause they don't know if I am or not.
For the first time, I am really hesitant to share my story. What if they reject me? What if they judge me harshly? Don't get me wrong, everyone in my class is nice. I mean really. They are super. Coaches are super great too.
I realize that everyone has a story. I'm not implying that my story is special or anything like that.
It's just that the stories so far have been "I was unhealthy and I want to do something about it." Now, S did say that she gained her weight after her brother passed away, but she didn't elaborate.
At first I thought I'd wait and do mine last... see what everyone else has to say first. Then I realized that my transparency might encourage others. So I decided to do it this week before I lost my nerve.
This week we ran so we didn't have time for testimonies. I'm writing this on Friday night, May 24, btw.
You may wonder what the big deal is. You may think that after posting so much of it here, this would be a piece of cake... but if you don't like my story, you just stop visiting with me here. I don't have to see your face as you read. For the most part, I feel like I'm just talking to myself here.
So now I am wrestling with how much of my story to tell. Bottom line is, I'm in the gym at 430 am because I want my outside to match my inside... but these people don't know me. They don't know what I'm like inside. I'll have to tell them about the battles that have shaped me and brought me here. They may not care to hear it. They may not care at all. I could get away with telling them "I just want my outside to reflect who I am inside." I could leave it at that; leave it to them to decide what that means.
I think that would be a missed opportunity to share what God has done in my life.
Now... to put together what to say... y'all know I ramble!
Just my thoughts
K
