Saturday, April 4, 2015

Silent Saturday

It's Saturday.
Some call this Holy Saturday. There is debate as to where Jesus was on this day. Whether he descended to hell and freed the righteous who'd died before His time, descended into hell and broke through the gates and cleaned house, ascended into heaven, or was simply lying in wait for the resurrection, the point of the matter is, He was dead. We will leave the speculations on what he did with that period of time until we get to heaven ourselves and can ask.
 
It's Saturday.
We are hunting eggs and visiting with friends and family,  but this is quite different from what went on the FIRST Holy Saturday.
 
Imagine what those who loved Jesus most went through. They loved Jesus the man. Son, Brother, Friend, Teacher. They loved Jesus the Messiah. Healer of the sick, Defeater of demons, Conqueror of death, Redeemer, Savior, Lord. They loved Him, as much as I have loved any person in all my life.
 
And He is dead.
 
How they must have agonized. How they must have grieved. All their hopes and dreams were buried with Jesus. You can read what Scripture says about this day here.
 
Know what breaks my heart? Verse 61.
Mary Magdalene and the other Mary were seated there, facing the tomb.
Oh, those poor women. Can't you just see them sitting there outside the tomb, hopes shattered, grieving the loss of the One they loved so very much. I imagine them alternating between sobbing and staring at the closed tomb with blank faced disbelief. What must have been going through their minds?
 
My heart breaks for those who loved Jesus on Saturday.
 
There are times in my life (I've even recorded some since I began writing) when I felt as though God was sitting back with a grin on His face as if to say, "Watch what I'm about to do."
I feel like this was the ultimate example of that. I imagine all of heaven and creation held its breath as it awaited the Lord's Resurrection.
 
But I get ahead of myself. It's still Saturday.
 
I love Saturday in all of its agony because Saturday tells me that God's got a plan. He IS in control. My heart is shattered for those who loved Jesus so much because I know that they don't know that He is coming back. I want to call out to them over the ages and say "Hang on!!!!! Sunday's Coming!!!!!! He's coming back!!!!! It's not over!!!!! Just hang on til tomorrow and everything will be all right!!!!" I'm on the edge of my seat, about to burst with excitement because I know what's coming! I know what they are in for tomorrow and my poor human heart wants so much for Saturday's grief and morning and agony to be over because I know that the JOY of seeing Jesus again will erase the pain of  today! But we aren't there yet.
 
It's Saturday.
The day that reminds me to hang on and trust in Jesus, God's got a plan, He is in control.
 
It's Saturday.
The day that God shows me that He allows unbearable suffering because HE knows it will be insignificant compared to the JOY at the end! All our suffering here will not even be a memory when we meet Jesus face to face in Heaven! 
 
I'm getting ahead of myself again.
 
It's Saturday.
(But Sunday's Coming!)

Friday, April 3, 2015

Thoughts on Good Friday

It's Friday. Good Friday.
Tonight my son is going to Prom. School is out. Spring is in the air. Tomorrow we will have our city-wide Easter egg hunt.On Sunday, my youngest will have her 10th birthday. Life is good and I am thankful. I am thankful for this life I've been given and for all the amazing people God has given me to share it with. Today I am also consciously thankful for the gift of forgiveness and eternity in Heaven and am more aware of the sacrifice that was made for me to have these gifts than I am on most days. 

It's Good Friday. The day we recognize as the day Christ Jesus was crucified. What a terribly wonderful day. Images from The Passion of the Christ blur through my thoughts. Images of a beaten, broken, bruised, crushed Jesus are in the forefront of my mind. The Biblical account of Good Friday is here.

So much happened in one day! At daybreak, Jesus goes before Pilate. He hears all the accusations made against Him and does not defend Himself, does not call out His accusers. I can't imagine how his heart must have ached knowing how the people felt about him.  I guess he already knew how they felt. Still, it must have hurt to hear them call for His death. I've often wondered how "fully God and fully man" works here. Did His understanding of mankind's need for a Savior outweigh their hatred of Him? Did His understanding of Satan and Hell give Him compassion for those who betrayed Him, beat Him, and, ultimately, killed Him? Since He died for us, I believe that this is the case. These are things that would be attributed to Him being "fully God". So then, how does the "fully man" fit in? Did He fully feel the deep sting of betrayal, fully experience the brokenness of His human body? Was He left breathless from the weight of the hatred spewed at Him? He must have felt it all as any of us would...since He was paying the price for our sin. My heart breaks to think about these things. My Lord, My Jesus, My Savior, the Creator of the Universe, broken and beaten....for me.

Judas hangs himself today too. I feel sorry for Judas. I really do. He realized, too late, that he'd made a grave error. He tried to make it right, but the Sanhedrin would not turn from the plan they'd put in motion. Judas had no hope. There was absolutely nothing he could do to make it right. My heart breaks for him, mainly because I know that, without Jesus, I too would be without hope. There are things I've done that can never be made right, but, thanks be to God, Jesus died and paid the penalty for my sin, rose on the 3rd day and defeated death and the grave so that I can live eternally in the presence of my Lord in Heaven! How precious it is to me that this was included in Scripture. One more example of our utter hopelessness and our tremendous unfathomable need for a Savior.
 
But I get ahead of myself. It's still Friday.

My Lord has been condemned to die. He was so hated and despised that the people set a known murderer free and asked that Jesus die in His place. (I just realized that this is another clear picture of what Jesus did for all of us. Barabbas did NOTHING to warrant his freedom. Jesus died in his place.)
 
Since I saw the Passion, one phrase in this text has hung heavy in my heart. The phrase is found in
Matthew 27:26  Then he released Barabbas to them. But after having Jesus flogged, he handed Him over to be crucified. 
Mark 15:15 Then, willing to gratify the crowd, Pilate released Barabbas to them. And after having Jesus flogged, he handed Him over to be crucified.
 3 little words. They aren't even in Luke and John's accounts. 3 little words that mean my Lord was whipped with the cat of nine tails, the flesh was ripped from His back, He was beaten beyond recognition. I do not think that even my most gruesome imagining can touch the reality of the beating He received. All recorded in three little words. I'm sure that no further explanation was needed  when the text was written. However, in our time, not being familiar with "flogging", it is far too easy to look over those 3 little words without acknowledging the severity of the punishment our Savior received.
 
As I said, so much happened on that Friday. Too much to ponder here.
 
After carrying His cross (He was too weak to do it alone, so the Roman guards forced bystander to help Him), He was crucified. Again, the words have softened their blow over the ages. This was truly a horrendous death.
 
The last thing I want to mention is the beautiful gift Christ gives us on the cross. When He tells the thief "Today you will be with me in paradise". You can read Luke's account of it here. As if we needed any more encouragement to trust Him. As if what He'd already done was not enough, Jesus gives us this beautiful promise. It's as if He waited until He had our full attention and, before He drew His last breath, he said,  "Believe in Me. Believe I am who I say I am. Trust in Me and you will be saved."
 
And then the Lord of All Creation died.
 
It's Friday.
The day Jesus showed me how to defend myself against wrongful accusations.
 
It's Friday.
The day my Savior made sure that I understood that faith in Him is all I need to be saved.
 
It's Friday.
The day that the Creator of the Universe, the Master of all Creation, the Lover of my soul, was mocked, scorned, spat upon, beaten beyond anything I can imagine.
 
It's Friday.
The day that God gave His life for mine.
 

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Maundy Thursday


It's Thursday.
Tomorrow is Good Friday.
Sunday is Easter.

But today is Thursday.
As the Easter Story plays out, tonight Jesus will have the Last Supper with the Disciples. Tonight Jesus will wash the feet of all the disciples, including Judas, the betrayer. Afterward, they will go to the Garden to pray. Finally, Jesus will be arrested and the disciples will be scattered. Peter will deny knowing Christ not once, but three times.

It's Thursday. I know how the story plays out. I already know how the story ends.  Still, my heart breaks for the disciples. They have no idea what horrors tonight will bring. They do not understand the events that are unfolding around them.

I cannot imagine how terrified they must have been when their Master, their Teacher, their Friend, was arrested.

But we aren't there yet.

First there's dinner. You can read all about it here.
Try and put yourself in that scene. Talk about the most awkward Dinner EVER! First, Jesus tells the disciples that one of them will betray him. They all say "not me" and when Judas says it, Jesus responds, "you have said it".  Wow. Can you feel the air being sucked out of the room? THEN they pass around the bread and the wine and Jesus tells them, his FRIENDS, that this will be His last supper with them. Honestly, can you IMAGINE?  I can try, but am sure that I cannot fathom the way the disciples must have felt.
Then, what must Jesus have felt? Knowing exactly how things were going to go down. Knowing that this was the end of His time with the 12. Knowing that they just didn't understand the enormity of the moment. Knowing how frightened they would all be. Knowing that they would die for their belief in Him. Knowing all the pain that would be endured, not only by Him, but also by all who loved Him. How His heart must have ached. My heart hurts just thinking about it.

Dinner ends, they sing some hymns, and go to the Garden. You can read the Biblical account of it here.

Things get worse for the disciples. Jesus has already verified that Judas would betray Him. Now, he tells Peter that he will deny him not once, but three times...before dawn! I'm sure that Peter, who loves Jesus, cannot imagine any scenario in which he would deny knowing his teacher and friend. Of course, Peter has no idea just how bad things are going to get. How it must have agonized Jesus to know that the 12 would be scattered, that Peter would be so afraid that he would deny being a disciple, that they would all be terrified.

In the Garden, Jesus tells Peter, James and John,  “My soul is swallowed up in sorrow —to the point of death. Remain here and stay awake with Me."

What had Jesus swallowed up in sorrow? See what He does next...
Going a little farther, He fell facedown and prayed, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup pass from Me. Yet not as I will, but as You will.”
Wow. Just wow. Jesus knew everything that was about to take place. He understood. In the final hours, He asked the Father if the cup could pass from Him. That would be like me saying, "God, if there is any other way to do this, let's do it that way."  BUT Jesus doesn't wait for an answer. He doesn't try to formulate another plan. He doesn't analyze the situation. He says, "Yet not as I will, but as You will."  OH! To have that level of submission to God! Not what I want, but what You want, Lord.

Shortly thereafter, Judas shows up and kisses Jesus on the cheek and the Roman Guards take the Lord of All Creation away...and thus begins the most horridly beautiful 3 days in history.

It's Thursday.
The day Jesus showed me how to love those who betray me.

It's Thursday.
The day Jesus showed me what to do when my soul is swallowed up in sorrow.

It's Thursday.
The day Jesus Christ said "not my will but Your will" and, in doing so, chose to save my wretched soul.

Monday, March 30, 2015

Only He Remains

It's Easter week.
 
As I am writing this, looking back on Palm Sunday and forward to Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and, finally Easter Sunday, I know that I should be totally consumed with my Savior.  Normally, it is easy for me to focus on His life, His death, and His resurrection and all that they mean to my life. This year I am distracted. I know that this distraction is an attack from Satan.
 
What's crazy is that I do not feel "under attack" in the usual sense of the word. I do not feel overwhelming anxiety. I do not seem to have any monstrous obstacles looming in the future. I do not feel oppressed or overwhelmed. I don't feel despair or sadness or loss or longing. I'm just distracted.  Rather than reflecting on Christ's life and the sacrifice He made for me, all sorts of things are running through my mind. A conversation with my daughter keeps replaying in my head. A song I heard on the radio plays over and over in my mind. Conversations with friends over the weekend, upcoming events at church, reports due later this week at work, my son's first prom, my daughter's 10th birthday, I want to learn to play the piano, I need a haircut...  I can't seem to control my swirling, whirling, wandering thoughts. Rather than spending time meditating on my Savior, my life since I've known Him, and my future with him,  my thoughts feel more like this:
 
 
Lots of nice, pleasant, happy thoughts all mixed up together.
 
I am aggravated that I failed to see Satan slip into my thoughts. He is so stinkin sneaky. He doesn't always bombard me with tragedy. I learned (or was reminded) today that Satan's best attacks on me go unnoticed at first. His best attack it to distract me with harmless (even good) thoughts or deeds so that I am not focused on My Savior. Once I am distracted, Satan can easily plant more destructive thoughts in my head, and before I realize it, I am in the pit of despair.
 
I am not sure that I have ever caught him so early in an attack. Normally, I am sliding into despair or panic when I realize "Oh! This is Satan working on me".
 
I am so thankful that my sweet Savior pressed me and reminded me that my thoughts should be focused on Him. I am overwhelmed that He loves me enough to whisper to my heart. I am grateful that He calls me back to Himself. I am overwhelmed that He keeps drawing my wandering soul back to His side. THAT is what I needed to remember. That is what I needed to settle my thoughts. When I remember His unfathomable, completely undeserved love for me, everything else falls away and only He remains.




Let It Go


Let it go, Let it go...
That little song from Frozen rings in the ears of many parents even now. Too many YouTube videos have been posted of off-key toddlers belting out the chorus at the top of their little lungs. There is something about the message of the song that strikes a chord in me and I am not embarrassed to admit it.
 
Okay, I'm a little embarrassed.
 
But the song is not the point of this post.
I never cease to be amazed a the number if women in my life who are haunted, even tortured, by their past. Some are full of guilt and shame for things they have done. Others are full of shame, anger, resentment, and unforgiveness for things others have done to them. In either case, Satan uses their past to control their present and predict their future.
 
There are things in our lives that will never be made right this side of heaven. There are things in all of our pasts that are just wrong, and, until we get to heaven, their memories are going to cause us pain. But what do you do about the things you can't "fix"? What do you do about the hurt in your past that rips your heart out every time you think of it?
 
You Let It Go.
 
Just the other day, one sweet lady asked me, "But HOW do you just let it go?". How do you just "let go" and move on? HOW do you let go of the hurt? How do you let go of the anger? HOW do you just let go like everything is okay?
 
You can't...But GOD Can
 
Here's what I KNOW...
When I am focused on God and what HE is doing in me and through me, I am not concerned about my past. When I am searching for ways to serve God and share His love, I am not concerned about my past. When I am totally and completely focused on Christ, the things that "normally" keep me all knotted up with negative emotions don't even cross my mind. And I know that Satan hates that. Satan slips around looking for one weak spot, one moment where I am focused on me instead of God, and when he finds it, he takes the opportunity to remind me of all the things that once held me captive.
 
It's a constant battle.
 
My natural tendency is to focus on me. God calls me to focus on HIM...not because He wants to steal my fun, but because He knows better than any of us how Satan works. God knows that HE can protect me from Satan's schemes if I am totally focused on HIM instead of myself. It's quite magical actually. When I am focused and totally sold out to Christ, when I am absolutely 100% following God, when the thing I desire MOST is God, the things from my past that have kept me in bondage are simply no longer an issue. The circumstances from my past don't change, but they lose their hold on me.
 
"Let Go and Let God"
 
You loosen the death grip you have on whatever it is that is causing you pain and you let God take it from you and  heal your wounds. You CHOOSE to follow hard after God in spite of, even BECAUSE of, your hurt, anger, bitterness, resentment, and pain. It's a heart issue. You have to DESIRE God more than revenge, more than justice, more that "making it right", more than an apology, more than that person or thing you lost.
 
When given the choice between your past and God, you CHOOSE God.
 
THAT's really how you get past your past. You take a stand and make a decision and choose God over all those negative things in your past. Choose God over your guilt. Choose God over your anger. Choose God over your resentment. Choose God over the person who hurt you. Choose God over revenge. Choose God over "making it right". Choose God over "justice". Choose God over...everything. Even your hurt.
 
Its bad enough that whatever happened to you happened in the first place, but it is an absolute tragedy for that thing to keep you in bondage for the rest of your life!
 
Let...it....go