Monday, March 30, 2015

Only He Remains

It's Easter week.
As I am writing this, looking back on Palm Sunday and forward to Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and, finally Easter Sunday, I know that I should be totally consumed with my Savior.  Normally, it is easy for me to focus on His life, His death, and His resurrection and all that they mean to my life. This year I am distracted. I know that this distraction is an attack from Satan.
What's crazy is that I do not feel "under attack" in the usual sense of the word. I do not feel overwhelming anxiety. I do not seem to have any monstrous obstacles looming in the future. I do not feel oppressed or overwhelmed. I don't feel despair or sadness or loss or longing. I'm just distracted.  Rather than reflecting on Christ's life and the sacrifice He made for me, all sorts of things are running through my mind. A conversation with my daughter keeps replaying in my head. A song I heard on the radio plays over and over in my mind. Conversations with friends over the weekend, upcoming events at church, reports due later this week at work, my son's first prom, my daughter's 10th birthday, I want to learn to play the piano, I need a haircut...  I can't seem to control my swirling, whirling, wandering thoughts. Rather than spending time meditating on my Savior, my life since I've known Him, and my future with him,  my thoughts feel more like this:
Lots of nice, pleasant, happy thoughts all mixed up together.
I am aggravated that I failed to see Satan slip into my thoughts. He is so stinkin sneaky. He doesn't always bombard me with tragedy. I learned (or was reminded) today that Satan's best attacks on me go unnoticed at first. His best attack it to distract me with harmless (even good) thoughts or deeds so that I am not focused on My Savior. Once I am distracted, Satan can easily plant more destructive thoughts in my head, and before I realize it, I am in the pit of despair.
I am not sure that I have ever caught him so early in an attack. Normally, I am sliding into despair or panic when I realize "Oh! This is Satan working on me".
I am so thankful that my sweet Savior pressed me and reminded me that my thoughts should be focused on Him. I am overwhelmed that He loves me enough to whisper to my heart. I am grateful that He calls me back to Himself. I am overwhelmed that He keeps drawing my wandering soul back to His side. THAT is what I needed to remember. That is what I needed to settle my thoughts. When I remember His unfathomable, completely undeserved love for me, everything else falls away and only He remains.

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