Saturday, September 1, 2018
Friday, August 31, 2018
Get Fit Friday - 100 Day Challenge - Week 2
Did I mention last week that this whole challenge thing is harder than I thought?
Who came up with this stupid idea anyway?
Oh...yeah... that was me. What in the WORLD was I thinking?
Well, I was thinking that the way I've been doing things for the last 20+ years is not working. I was thinking that I have some habits that need to be modified. I was thinking that I have too much unnecessary stress in my life... much of it a result of aforementioned habits. I was thinking that I need an overhaul...
That's right... an overhaul.
I don't know why I thought "an overhaul" would be easy.
Okay so first off... no way am I gonna be able to do 100 push ups. That's just not happening. At least I cannot imagine how. No idea how many I'll end up being able to do, but 100? Prolly not.
Drinking only water is more challenging than I anticipated. Turns out I am basically a zombie without caffeine.
Not eating out SOUNDED like a GRAND idea... but I didn't consider that my people would not go along with this... So I am not eating out unless it is w the fam... and that's really not very often.
Other than that...
Oh who am I kidding? It's ALL hard!
Truth is, I'm behind on my Bible reading; I missed WAY too much gym time; I even ate a piece of ITALIAN CREME CAKE! UGH! I am so weak!!!!!!!! I've got to catch up on throwing things away. I'm not sure that I'm spending 30 minutes cleaning house... if so, I should do more. And then there are days like Tuesday when I left the house at 7:20 am and didn't return until almost 9 pm...or Wednesday when I spent some much needed time with a sweet friend over breakfast (at 630) before working all day and then going to church... to return home after 8...or Thursday when I met with a bride to be after work to discuss her wedding... or TONIGHT... when we have a football game! What do I do THEN? UGH! All weeks are not like this of course, but in order for me to complete this challenge, I will have to do NOTHING but work, church, and challenge...
and honestly, life just doesn't support that.
(sigh)
Perhaps the smarter, KINDER thing to do would have been to choose ONE thing and do ONE thing for 100 days.
(sigh)
Okay, well, I am not giving up. Not sure how this is gonna play out, but I am not giving up.
A sweet friend tells me often to enjoy the process; to just live life... THAT is what I am no good at. I am so results-focused that I don't enjoy the process at all.
Another, the one who so sweetly carved time out of her morning to have me over for breakfast, said that it is okay to try something and suck at it....and to still complete what you started out to do... even if you suck at it. Again... not good at this... maybe THAT is the challenge!
(sigh)
This week I am going to focus on the process....even if I suck at all of it. No expectations.
Did I say that last week?
Well, if I did, I mean it now.
86 Days to Go!
K
Thursday, August 30, 2018
Thursday Thoughts on... anxiety and depression
People have reached out to me over this past year after reading my journey to healing and told me that my story gives them hope and courage. I don't want to portray a false image. I don't want you to think I woke up one day and everything was all good. I don't want to give you false hope. So many have messaged me or emailed me saying that they too struggle with anxiety and depression... I feel it would be wrong not to acknowledge that I still have some really bad days...or weeks.
I'm actually writing this on August 21. I'm not sure why I do this, other than to prove to myself that things do always get better. By the time this posts, I will be fine. I'm sure of it.
But today I'm not.
I am struggling against crippling anxiety or perhaps fear...maybe both... I'm not sure. All I do know is that my chest hurts, my heart is racing and I have an over-reaching feeling of impending doom. I feel on the verge of panic... like if one unexpected thing happens, I will have a full blown come apart.
Whatever this is, it is affecting my dreams; twice I have dreamed that someone was trying to murder me and I was fleeing, hiding, barely escaping time and time again. My attacker was formless, but unrelenting.
I want to curl up in a ball. I want to get in my bed and bury myself in the covers until this passes. I know it will pass... but goodness... what will happen between now and that time? I am paralyzed. I am afraid... but of what exactly? There is nothing specific... more of a general feeling that "everything" is about to fall apart.
I keep telling myself, "just get through today."
I keep reminding myself that this will pass...
and it will.
By the time you read this, I will be just fine... But today want to sit in my car and have a really good, long ugly cry.
I can't explain why, and that's frustrating.
Nothing is different today than it was a week ago... or a month ago. I'm just in that place- whatever "that place" is. It has no name, but I can tell you what it feels like... cold and damp and dark and vast. It feels like...nothing...and everything; like being suspended on a razor's edge above an endless pit of darkness with nothing to hold on to. It feels like almost falling, like being startled by something that isn't really there. It's the monster under the bed or in the closet. It is whatever you fear you will see lurking at the end of the hallway or in the corner of the room when you turn on the light in the middle of the night. It is the paralyzing feeling of being on verge of absolute terror. It is a darkness darker than the blackest moonless night... it is emptiness, longing, sadness, grief, and regret all rolled into a heaviness that rests solidly on my chest, making it hard to breathe. Sleep has been my only escape and now what ever this is has found me in my dreams.
I am shaken.
I just want to escape, to run away, to sleep until the darkness lifts. This is all futile because this is inside me, part of me...I think it will always find a way to torment me. The hope I have is NOT in that I will never again find myself in this dark place, the HOPE is that God will walk me through it when I find myself here.
You may wonder how I can say that I have beat this when I am obviously still battling against the darkness that wants to consume me.
That's a bit tricky to explain... I choose fight. I do what I need to do to keep the darkness from completely overtaking me. Even on days like today, when everything in me is screaming to quit, to give up, to just let the darkness take over... I choose to fight. Rather than closing my eyes and slipping quietly into the abyss of a major depressive episode, I cling to Christ and the hope I have in Him.
Granted, some days (like today) "fighting" looks a lot like barely breathing. Today my battle plan it to take the next breath, and the next, and the one after that. That's honestly the best I can do today.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
I still acknowledge tomorrow. This is what my relationship with Christ gives me... hope that I have a purpose and will have a purpose tomorrow, comfort in knowing that I am loved by the creator of the universe, and knowledge and understanding that the thoughts my mind is giving me are not of God, but rather from my enemy...and my enemy will not win this battle in the end. Even though things are very dark today, I do believe that the sun will rise...maybe so soon as tomorrow.
If you find yourself in this dark place, please keep taking the next breath. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and hope for a brighter day tomorrow.
And until that brighter day comes...
I will sit with you in the dark.
just my thoughts
k
I'm actually writing this on August 21. I'm not sure why I do this, other than to prove to myself that things do always get better. By the time this posts, I will be fine. I'm sure of it.
But today I'm not.
I am struggling against crippling anxiety or perhaps fear...maybe both... I'm not sure. All I do know is that my chest hurts, my heart is racing and I have an over-reaching feeling of impending doom. I feel on the verge of panic... like if one unexpected thing happens, I will have a full blown come apart.
Whatever this is, it is affecting my dreams; twice I have dreamed that someone was trying to murder me and I was fleeing, hiding, barely escaping time and time again. My attacker was formless, but unrelenting.
I want to curl up in a ball. I want to get in my bed and bury myself in the covers until this passes. I know it will pass... but goodness... what will happen between now and that time? I am paralyzed. I am afraid... but of what exactly? There is nothing specific... more of a general feeling that "everything" is about to fall apart.
I keep telling myself, "just get through today."
I keep reminding myself that this will pass...
and it will.
By the time you read this, I will be just fine... But today want to sit in my car and have a really good, long ugly cry.
I can't explain why, and that's frustrating.
Nothing is different today than it was a week ago... or a month ago. I'm just in that place- whatever "that place" is. It has no name, but I can tell you what it feels like... cold and damp and dark and vast. It feels like...nothing...and everything; like being suspended on a razor's edge above an endless pit of darkness with nothing to hold on to. It feels like almost falling, like being startled by something that isn't really there. It's the monster under the bed or in the closet. It is whatever you fear you will see lurking at the end of the hallway or in the corner of the room when you turn on the light in the middle of the night. It is the paralyzing feeling of being on verge of absolute terror. It is a darkness darker than the blackest moonless night... it is emptiness, longing, sadness, grief, and regret all rolled into a heaviness that rests solidly on my chest, making it hard to breathe. Sleep has been my only escape and now what ever this is has found me in my dreams.
I am shaken.
I just want to escape, to run away, to sleep until the darkness lifts. This is all futile because this is inside me, part of me...I think it will always find a way to torment me. The hope I have is NOT in that I will never again find myself in this dark place, the HOPE is that God will walk me through it when I find myself here.
You may wonder how I can say that I have beat this when I am obviously still battling against the darkness that wants to consume me.
That's a bit tricky to explain... I choose fight. I do what I need to do to keep the darkness from completely overtaking me. Even on days like today, when everything in me is screaming to quit, to give up, to just let the darkness take over... I choose to fight. Rather than closing my eyes and slipping quietly into the abyss of a major depressive episode, I cling to Christ and the hope I have in Him.
Granted, some days (like today) "fighting" looks a lot like barely breathing. Today my battle plan it to take the next breath, and the next, and the one after that. That's honestly the best I can do today.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
I still acknowledge tomorrow. This is what my relationship with Christ gives me... hope that I have a purpose and will have a purpose tomorrow, comfort in knowing that I am loved by the creator of the universe, and knowledge and understanding that the thoughts my mind is giving me are not of God, but rather from my enemy...and my enemy will not win this battle in the end. Even though things are very dark today, I do believe that the sun will rise...maybe so soon as tomorrow.
If you find yourself in this dark place, please keep taking the next breath. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and hope for a brighter day tomorrow.
And until that brighter day comes...
I will sit with you in the dark.
just my thoughts
k
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
Wednesday's Weekly Recipe - Roasted Sweet Potato
Okay so this isn't some fancy recipe. In fact it is probably the simplest thing ever... except maybe for eating grapes.
I love a good baked potato as much as the next girl... so long as it is drowning in butter, drenched in sour cream. and buried under a mound of cheddar cheese and bacon. I am almost positive that any health benefit that could have once been found in said spud is lost in the sea of saturated fats and sodium.
So, I opt for sweet instead.
I wrap my sweet potato(s) in tin foil, and put it (them) on a cookie sheet (cause the syrupy stuff that comes out as they cook REALLY stinks if it gets in the stove... just sayin)
I set the oven to 350 and let them cook for... oh... maybe an hour? Maybe more? I guess I should have planned this out a bit better.
The bottom of the potato is brown, but not burned. Once out of the foil, I cut the ends off the potato, slice the skin down the middle and it (the skin) pretty much falls off. The potato is "mushy" so don't cook yours as long if you want it to be firm.
I smash mine up with a bit of salt and that's it.
SOOOO good!!!
Enjoy!
K
I love a good baked potato as much as the next girl... so long as it is drowning in butter, drenched in sour cream. and buried under a mound of cheddar cheese and bacon. I am almost positive that any health benefit that could have once been found in said spud is lost in the sea of saturated fats and sodium.
So, I opt for sweet instead.
I wrap my sweet potato(s) in tin foil, and put it (them) on a cookie sheet (cause the syrupy stuff that comes out as they cook REALLY stinks if it gets in the stove... just sayin)
I set the oven to 350 and let them cook for... oh... maybe an hour? Maybe more? I guess I should have planned this out a bit better.
The bottom of the potato is brown, but not burned. Once out of the foil, I cut the ends off the potato, slice the skin down the middle and it (the skin) pretty much falls off. The potato is "mushy" so don't cook yours as long if you want it to be firm.
I smash mine up with a bit of salt and that's it.
SOOOO good!!!
Enjoy!
K
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
Tuesday Tips and Tricks
Just a little reminder...
So easy to forget that someone is always watching..
I occasionally ask myself...
"Is my life drawing people TO Christ, or does my life push people FROM Christ?"
I hope that, as God matures me, I will become a person whose life draws people TO Christ... all the way down to those pesky first impressions.
Big Hugs
K
Monday, August 27, 2018
Sunday, August 26, 2018
Sunday Scripture: Romans 12:12
How different would our lives be if we embraced this?
Be Joyful in hope
Patient in affliction
Faithful in Prayer
Romans 12:12
Have a great week!
K
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)