Honestly, everything is rocking along just fine. (sigh) I just
don’t know what to write.
Thing is, I have had topics banging around in my head and in
my heart this past month. I just can’t
get them into print. My heart is too
tangled up in them.
Here’s the thing, God’s been growing me. Thankfully, He didn’t
use a new cancer diagnosis to get my attention this time. He just nudged me to
trust Him a little more…and a little more…and a little more. Then He nudged me
to trust Him a little more.
He nudged me to trust Him more with our finances. I did and
He did not immediately pay off my mortgage. No debt collectors called to tell
me that my Medical bills had been paid in full. Paycheck by paycheck, I tried
to make better choices concerning our finances. Baby Steps. One better decision
at a time. After almost a year of this, peace has replaced the anxiety that
once surrounded any thoughts of our finances.
He nudged me to give up leading the Ladies Ministry at our
church. Not only that, but to also
entrust it to another. Looking back, God dealt with me on several levels here.
First, I love the ministry that we started several years ago. I
poured my soul into it and truly loved everything about it. There was a falling
out among the ministry team (it happens, we are all human after all) and that left
a tinge of sorrow where pure joy had once been. My second bout with cancer forced me to step
away from the ministry completely and, to be honest I just never quite felt the
same way about it. When I was approached about passing the leadership role to
someone else, I only struggled slightly. God pressed on my heart that this
ministry isn’t “mine”, but that He would not force me to let it go. I needed to
choose for myself whether or not to close that door.
Earlier this year I joined Internet Café Devotions. Moving beyond
my little blog brought me tremendous joy, and it still makes me smile to see my
words somewhere else. God being God knew all the other ways that the Café would
challenge me and, in His sovereignty, waited until I was ready before
connecting me to the ladies there. While writing with them has been wonderful,
connecting with them has been the biggest blessing I’ve received in a very long
time. The ladies I’ve “gotten to know” through email and phone calls have been
a breath of fresh air. I don’t know how to explain it other than to say that I
have found in them the like-minded-ness and understanding that I’ve longed for. They’ve
showed me how to appreciate the unique gifts God has given me. They’ve
encouraged me to see the value in the heart God has given me for the women He
has placed in my path. Their spiritual maturity is refreshing and inspiring to
me. They challenge me to be…more of who God made me to be.
God used everything I’ve mentioned to bring me to where I am
now. He has helped me to see that the gifts and talents He has given me are
best used one on one. I thought that I needed to do “big” things in order to
make a difference. He has shown me the importance of investing in the women He
has placed in my life. I am overwhelmed at the need for an encouraging word or
offered prayer and am so thankful that God created me in such a way that I am
naturally driven to meet those needs. I am so thankful that He created me in
such a way that I see Him working in most all circumstances. I am so thankful
that He created me with the discernment to see Satan’s schemes. I am so
thankful that He gave me a powerful testimony to share.
So, back to my original thought…Life gets Sticky Sometimes…
investing in people can get sticky. I only have a few people in my life who I
consider my “inner circle” and I love them fiercely. It makes me angry to see
Satan working in their lives. It makes me angry to see them in bondage to sin
or to Satan’s lies. It breaks my heart to see them hurting. It brings me
tremendous joy to see them victorious. My heart swells with unfathomable
happiness and pride when their lives reflect Spiritual growth. These are the
things that have been consuming me lately.
God is working in the lives of the people I love most and I can’t always
write about that because…well, it can get sticky.
So there we go. A
month’s worth of words in one sitting.
I will try not to go so long next time!
