Saturday, August 22, 2009

ugh!

Will there ever be a day when everything is "caught up"?
My best and dearest friends have it all together. Their lives are not out of control. Their houses are not a wreck. They are not overwhelmed with the day to day business of life. They are the women who stock pile Birthday gifts and greeting cards...just in case. They are the women who start buying for Christmas in January so that they have it all done before the mad rush. They are the women who never mind if someone just drops by the house because their houses are always nice and neat. They have balanced budgets and live within their means......and i feel like I am coming apart at the seams! If they can do it, I should be able to as well.
There are so many things looming over my head....I don't even know where to start! I would much rather sit here on the PC and pretend like I truly have nothing better to do.
The house needs cleaning
There are about 3 loads of laundry waiting on my in the laundry room
We have more bills than money
i need to spend quality time with my kids
i need to spend quality time with my hubby
I need to go to the gym
I need to clean out the kids clothes and give the ones that are too small to some friends
I need to clean out and wash and vacuum my car.
I need to study my Sunday School lesson one more time before tomorrow
I need to get our clothes out and ready for tomorrow.
I need to prepare the first week of FLO's Bible study
I need to weed my flower beds.
Actually, as is so often the case, things do not seem so bad once I get them on "paper".
I am going to make a list, implement a plan to get my life in order. The unorganized chaos is making me an unbearable grouch!
Right now the kids want me to play the Wii with them. I'll start a load of laundry and play with them while it runs.
That's a step in the right direction at least.
Hugs,
K

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Travelin Light

A while back I wrote a post in which I wondered "What now?" At that point I was afraid that it would be difficult to write about my faith and my relationship with Christ now that my battle with cancer seems to be over. I was right. It HAS been difficult to write.

Everyday life seems so boring compared to the constant drama that surrounded having cancer. Everyday life seems so insignificant compared to battling cancer.

My everyday struggles do not seem worthy of writing about....

BUT

My everyday struggles are what steal my joy.

The everyday, run-of-the-mill, day in and day out normal struggles like:

Dealing with difficult people at work
Getting the kids out of bed, dressed, fed, and to school on time
Marriage (and I have a husband that makes marriage easy compared to some people i know)
Juggling work, home, family, friends, church
Losing my temper
Being judgemental
Sins like over-eating, pride, and greed
Parenting

Being diagnosed with cancer knocked me off my feet with a powerful force, but these are the sorts of things that wear me down little by little...day by day.

So, even though these aren't the sorts of things that draw people's attention....nothing like having cancer or having a sick child or...well day to day life is just nothing exciting. BUT it is life and I'll do my best to be as open and honest about my daily struggles as I was about having cancer. After all, Scripture says it is the little foxes that ruin the vine (Song of Solomon). I guess the big ones are easy to spot. It's the little things that slip in and go unnoticed until they have caused significant damage.

In church Wednesday night, we were challenged to "lay it down" at the foot of the cross. Everyone's "it" is different. The things that ran through my mind as I prayed were:
  • FLO (the Ladies ministry)
  • My marriage
  • My finances
  • Overeating
  • Parenting
  • My Sunday School class

My heart was so heavy with the realization that I did not hesitate to rush to the cross when i had cancer, but I tarry with these things. Why is it so hard to give the little things and the GOOD things over to God? Why do I feel as though I can take care of these things without His intervention?

So, I'm layin down the little stuff and the good stuff before I go any farther down this road. I can travel farther if I'm travelin light.

Hugs
K