Friday, May 25, 2018

Get Fit Friday - Actually making progress

Things are looking up.

I made a promise to myself to go to the gym every day next week.

Don't get all excited. I'm not doing 2 hour workouts. I promised myself to focus on 2 things: strength training and abs. My core is SO weak and I really do think this is part of the reason my body is so oddly shaped. So I am doing the ab circuit at the gym and the 30 minute whole body workout (also at the gym).

Spending about an hour in there isn't so bad. I'm going to keep this going for a month and see how things look/feel then.

I've also dedicated the week to IF. No calories after 6 pm.  16 hour fast, followed by an 8 hour eating window.  The best thing about this is that it (in theory) will retrain my body clock. I am in the HABIT of snacking all into the evening and even late at night. My hope is that this eating pattern will break that habit. Going to bed on a "mostly" empty stomach also helps me sleep and reduces my acid re-flux.

I just read a book about Bulimia and Binge Eating. It's written by a girl who overcame it. Very interesting. It's called Brain over Binge and is written by Kathryn Hanson.

I have intentionally not weighed. I am having another procedure on my throat the 18th of June and they will weigh me then. I am doing my best to focus on how I feel and not on the scale.

Honestly this whole soul searching, trying to find myself, is all very...tiring.

Even though it IS tedious and rather tiring, I must say that I DO feel more emotionally connected, mentally and emotionally stable, and all together...better. I've become much more objective about my "feelings" and "moods." Being in a less than exuberant mood no longer alarms me and I don't feel the need to over analyze my mood all day every day.

I am ready to move on to something new, but must say that this process has been really good for me. It's been good to evaluate myself independent of the opinions others have about me. I've already written the remaining "Thursday Thoughts" posts answering questions that challenge what I really believe. i'm still going to post them. I may need to look back on them one day. I've really dug into what I believe about God and my relationship with Him.

I've come away with an enormous appreciation of Grace. Everything has lead back to Grace. I have embraced the Grace Christ has provided for me in areas I held myself accountable for until now. This has allowed me to extend grace to others who held me in bondage until now.  It's also allowed me to show myself some grace. I've learned to give myself a break.

There is great freedom through Grace.

Ironically, I am not more tempted to take advantage of the Grace of Christ by continuing in sin. I have not been tempted to embrace "cheap grace." Quite the opposite, my desire to live for Christ is greater than before... but it is love-driven, not works-driven. I feel like a  well cared for and deeply loved daughter rather than a person trying to be good enough to deserve to be loved.

It is my most earnest prayer that you will experience the same.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Thursday's Thoughts on: What I really enjoy

A while back, I began writing about the paradigm shift I've experienced recently. 

In case you're just joining me on this journey, here's the shift... I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness nor am I responsible for anyone else's attitude...and more than that... no one is responsible for mine. 

A core belief from my childhood sounds something like this: 

"If anyone in your life is unhappy it is because you are not 'enough' OR you are 'too much' for them. If anyone in your life is unhappy, that means you should change."

I'm not sure where this came from, but I believed it in my very soul...until now.

I hope that, in time, I will be satisfied with and confident in who I am.  I hope that, in time, I will love what and who I love with no need to explain or defend either. 

I started a list of questions that I'm trying to answer over...well, however long it takes to get them all answered. I've discovered that I "know" the answers to all of them, but I 'm not sure I BELIEVE the answer I "know" is correct. So, I'm working through that; I'm looking past the answers I've always given to see what I really believe.

As with all my writing, this is for me. Writing gets my scrambled up thoughts and emotions into print and seeing them in print often helps me put them in proper perspective.  Anyway, here's this week's question and (hopefully) answer.

What do I really enjoy?

I've had a hard time with this one. Most everything I do on a day to day basis revolves around the people in my life and the satisfaction I get from doing things that cause them to be pleased with me.  Historically my feeling of pleasure or enjoyment of something has been tied to whether or not the people I value are pleased with me and/or what I've done. I know that this is unhealthy, which is why i am embarking on this journey in the first place.

Here's the catch tho: Everything else I try to put in print sounds ridiculous.
I keep hearing Perry's voice asking me "Who said that's ridiculous? Why do you think that's not good enough? Why do you think you 'should' enjoy something else?"

So, I am going to try to just be honest. Even that sounds so stupid to me. Why on earth would I filter what I ENJOY by asking myself what the people I value think I should enjoy, or what they would approve of me enjoying? Am I really that...needy?  Do I really desire the approval of others that much? Am I really so dependent on other's opinion of me that I don't even know what I enjoy?

I suppose I am... or have been.

Okay, here filter....

I enjoy creating. I enjoy the challenge of making something from nothing (or almost nothing). I enjoy the process of  turning an idea into something tangible. I suppose this is why I enjoy writing, painting, baking, gardening, and crocheting. I am quite certain that I would enjoy sewing and knitting, pottery, glass blowing, and carpentry as well, but have neither the time nor the finances to embark on a quest to master something new at this point. I Still have time to master another art form once I am satisfied with my level of skill in the things I already try to do.

I enjoy imagining, dreaming things up in my mind.  I have always had an incredible imagination and, if left alone with my thoughts, can dream up the most fantastic stories and experience them as tho they are real. (Hmmm Maybe I should try my hand at writing fiction.)

I enjoy reading. I think this goes hand in hand with my over active imagination. It is easy for me to get lost in a book. A well written story evokes real emotion. Sometimes it is a blessing to escape reality and live for a time in some story other than my own.

I enjoy just being. I need time to just... be. I might sit on the back porch and listen to the birds in the morning, or sit alone in my car at lunch or sit up late at night with no TV or Radio to distract my thoughts. It's nice to be able to quiet my thoughts and just... be.

I enjoy nature.  Not bugs. Not Spiders. Or snakes. Or worms. Oooh and not snails or slugs or any sort of creepy crawly slimy thing. OK, so I like large, furry animals and plants and water and rocks and the sky and the way the sun feels on my skin. My absolute favorite place in all the world to be is sitting alone next to or at the foot of a waterfall. This is followed closely by being on a balcony overlooking the ocean.

While most everything I enjoy is peaceful and serene, I do very much enjoy the thrill of white water rafting and the challenge of hiking in the mountains. There is certainly serenity in the midst of both of these...calm spots in a river and moments of rest along a mountain trail...where I cannot help but stop and soak up the majesty of creation. This serenity is a nice contrast to the thrill of navigating rapids and managing precarious sections of mountain trails.

Just my thoughts,

I wanna know....
What do you really enjoy?
Do you have a difficult time separating what YOU enjoy from the things that others value in you?
Does your level of enjoyment depend on the praise of others?

Other questions I'm pondering....

What determines my worth?
What is consistently causing me stress?
What do I LIKE about me?
What do I truly value?
What is holding me back?
What will make my life easier?
What do I NOT enjoy?

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Wednesday Weekly Recipes - Jackie's Creamed Corn

Last week I shared my Grandma Jackie's apricot balls. This week I want to share my sister's favorite recipe from Grandma Jackie... Creamed Corn.  I got this recipe from my mom and it makes me laugh. So many of these "recipes" are not really recipes at all... These sorts of things we pass down from generation to generation by cooking together.  I'm guessing that these "bags" are quart bags?? Bottom line is everything is according to taste.  Here's the basic idea...


Fresh corn 
Pet Milk (optional or as needed)
Salt and pepper to taste

cut  corn off the cob and scrape the cob - don’t discard the milk

This is all dependent upon how much corn you are preparing.  
She would thaw out 2 bags of corn that she had frozen.  

Melt a stick of butter in a skillet, add the corn along with a table spoon of sugar per bag. 
Salt and pepper to taste.  
Cook until the starch in the corn thickens. 
If the corn is very dry and it looks like it is going to get to thick she would add some pet mike to loosen it up some.

There ya go!
Best "Creamy Corn" ever!!!!!!


PS Grandma Jackie froze her creamed this goes along with the whole "feeding the family" tips from yesterday...see what I did there? ha! Have a great day!