Wednesday, March 29, 2017
I didn’t go to Weight Watchers last night. Things are a bit crazy at my house right now.
Brian’s surgery added to the normal chaos at the Williams home is just a bit much. Anyway, Izzy was terribly sweet and volunteered to cook dinner so I stayed home and helped her.
I’m kinda bummed. I’m not sure that it has much to do with my weight loss (or lack thereof). It’s like I just can’t get settled. I feel uneasy, unsettled, un-okay.
It will pass. Always does. Right now I just don’t feel “right.”
So anyway, I didn’t lose any weight this week...which stinks SO badly.
I have to take eating seriously. I think I still believe that I can eat what I want “just this once” and look the way I dream about looking. If “Just this once” was only ONCE, it would be FINE, but I have a “just this once” moment several times a day.
Wow, how much does THAT sound like my spiritual life?!?!?!
More times than I can mention, I have had “Just this once” moments in all sorts of areas. Just this one lie, just this one half-truth, just this one compromise, missing my quiet time “just this once” or not obeying God’s prompting to reach out to someone who is hurting… my spiritual life is crippled by my half-commitment and compromise. AND just like “Just this once” results in a less than desirable weight watcher journey, my spiritual life isn’t want I want it to be if I “cheat” on the program.
I’ve got to get it together. I do know that much!!!!!!!!!!!!
I also know that life is hard. Things come up that break ya down. Things happen that make dieting hard…and things happen that make life hard.
So I’ve got to get it together. I know that these “just this once” moments, undermine my goals. Separately, they aren’t anything that would catch my attention. A hand full of chips here, skipping Quiet time there, not getting enough sleep, letting the laundry pile up, not exercising… nut together it all adds up to a big messy me.
That’s all I have for this week. More of the same I guess. One day I’m going to be one of those people who is completely in control of my cravings and desires. One day I am going to be that girl who says “I only drink water”; “I don’t like Chocolate”; “I HAVE to keep my house clean” and “I love the gym.” I’m not there yet, and I don’t expect to be there next Wednesday, but MAYBE I can stop believing the “Just this once won’t hurt” lie and body (and my life) will start looking more like I want it to.
Til next week!
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
I just can't wait til Wednesday....
Woo Hoo! Back on track! Lost a pound this week. Granted, I’d like to have lost 2 or 3, but considering all the stress I’ve been under, I am super over the top excited to have lost one!
Now, the biggest obstacle I have right now is the gym. UGH! SOOOOOOO intimidating for a fat chick. I am not so prideful as to think that anyone in the gym actually pays attention to me…it’s not that. It’s ME…MY mind constantly comparing myself to others. And yes I know, the ONLY way to get from where I am to where they are is to GO TO THE GYM. I get it. I do. Really. It just STINKS right now.
But I know that working out will jump start my weight loss and will help me have a body I actually LIKE when this weight DOES finally come off.
SO, the goal for the rest of this week….work out.
I’ll let ya know how it goes….
On to other things…
I have been so obsessed with this whole weight loss thing that I forgot how full and rich my life is. A total random encounter reminded me that I am BLESSED. Someone saw the article about me and Doc Schweinfurth on my Instagram and let me know that he thought that I have a good story.
Know what? I DO have a GREAT story! It is soooo easy to get bogged down in…well, in life. Things are really stressful right now and it is easy to focus on those things causing my chest to ache all day. Thing is, I KNOW that this season will pass and I will likely forget how I feel today.
When things aren’t going the way I’d like, it is beneficial for me to stop and remember the many ways God has delivered me in the past. Not only do I have all the stories from Scripture to claim, but He has delivered ME personally on many occasions! Time and time again He works things out for my good. Time and time again, He restores me, refines me, and refreshes my soul. He has walked with me through the valley more times than I like, but He never made me walk alone. Since I’ve known and followed Him, I have never been alone. He has always guided and directed me.
Anyway, I want to try and get back in the groove of sharing who I am and what God is doing in me more often. I don’t want to just write about whether or not I feel like I lost enough weight each week! Haha That’s just now what I’m about. It was soooo much easier to share my heart when I was sick. It is easy to be transparent about cancer and all the emotions that come with it. The daily stuff…the stuff that regularly kicks me in the teeth…that stuff is harder to write about. I suppose that’s Satan’s way of keeping me quiet because not everyone has cancer…but everyone has bad days, more month than money, and more laundry than time. Everyone loses their temper, fails to control their tongue, and finds themselves doing the very thing they said they never would.
Life is hard, but God is GOOD and my life is such a beautiful picture of this.
Today, thinking back over my life, Genesis 50:20 comes to mind:
As for you, you meant evil against me, but GOD meant it for GOOD, in order to bring about this present result, the saving of many lives.
Not sure that many lives will be saved because of my story, but I do know that the things that were meant to break me and cripple me and turn me into someone filled with hate and anger and bitterness only drew me closer to my Savior, softened my heart toward those who need the healing touch of Jesus and helped me to see God’s hand at work in my life and in the lives of those I love. So, I totally claim “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for GOOD” because I am BETTER for all the heartache, all the pain, all the struggle. God grew me through the hard times and I am so thankful for them!
Hugs to you!
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
It was bound to happen. I THINK I wrote about it last week, but I didn’t go back and look.
So, last week I bombed. It happens. Part of it is hormonal. I get that. There is something else that happens too and I can’t figure out how to defeat it. It’s like as soon as I see a significant dip in the scale, I become ravenously hungry. I binge. Every time. That was last week.
As I said, some of it is hormonal. So when I weigh in next week, I will have lost some water weight and “bloat”. BUT I am gonna really have to step up my game to recover and get back on track because
I GAINED 3 POUNDS!
IN ONE WEEK!!!!!
My MERCY! Who DOES that?
Me, that’s who.
Now, normally this is where I would call it quits, throw in the towel and drown my sorrows in some chips and dip. I’m not going to do that this time.
I am going to buckle back down with my eating.
I am going to the gym starting today.
I am going back to a goal of 80 oz of water a day.
I am going to get serious about sleep…go to bed earlier and get up earlier.
I am going to count my points like I’m supposed to instead of guessing.
I know I can do this. People lose weight and get in shape all the time. I have to gain control.
We’ll see how it turns out next week.
I am hoping to lose the 3 I gained and 2-4 more. Probably not gonna happen…but we’ll see.
Till next week!