Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image


I just can't wait til Wednesday....




Woo Hoo! Back on track! Lost a pound this week. Granted, I’d like to have lost 2 or 3, but considering all the stress I’ve been under, I am super over the top excited to have lost one!

Now, the biggest obstacle I have right now is the gym. UGH! SOOOOOOO intimidating for a fat chick. I am not so prideful as to think that anyone in the gym actually pays attention to me…it’s not that. It’s ME…MY mind constantly comparing myself to others. And yes I know, the ONLY way to get from where I am to where they are is to GO TO THE GYM. I get it. I do. Really. It just STINKS right now.

But I know that working out will jump start my weight loss and will help me have a body I actually LIKE when this weight DOES finally come off.

SO, the goal for the rest of this week….work out.
I’ll let ya know how it goes….

On to other things…

I have been so obsessed with this whole weight loss thing that I forgot how full and rich my life is. A total random encounter reminded me that I am BLESSED. Someone saw the article about me and Doc Schweinfurth on my Instagram and let me know that he thought that I have a good story.

Know what? I DO have a GREAT story! It is soooo easy to get bogged down in…well, in life. Things are really stressful right now and it is easy to focus on those things causing my chest to ache all day. Thing is, I KNOW that this season will pass and I will likely forget how I feel today.

When things aren’t going the way I’d like, it is beneficial for me to stop and remember the many ways God has delivered me in the past. Not only do I have all the stories from Scripture to claim, but He has delivered ME personally on many occasions! Time and time again He works things out for my good. Time and time again, He restores me, refines me, and refreshes my soul. He has walked with me through the valley more times than I like, but He never made me walk alone. Since I’ve known and followed Him, I have never been alone. He has always guided and directed me.

Anyway, I want to try and get back in the groove of sharing who I am and what God is doing in me more often. I don’t want to just write about whether or not I feel like I lost enough weight each week! Haha That’s just now what I’m about. It was soooo much easier to share my heart when I was sick. It is easy to be transparent about cancer and all the emotions that come with it. The daily stuff…the stuff that regularly kicks me in the teeth…that stuff is harder to write about. I suppose that’s Satan’s way of keeping me quiet because not everyone has cancer…but everyone has bad days, more month than money, and more laundry than time. Everyone loses their temper, fails to control their tongue, and finds themselves doing the very thing they said they never would. 

Life is hard, but God is GOOD and my life is such a beautiful picture of this.

Today, thinking back over my life, Genesis 50:20 comes to mind:
As for you, you meant evil against me, but GOD meant it for GOOD, in order to bring about this present result, the saving of many lives.

Not sure that many lives will be saved because of my story, but I do know that the things that were meant to break me and cripple me and turn me into someone filled with hate and anger and bitterness only drew me closer to my Savior, softened my heart toward those who need the healing touch of Jesus and helped me to see God’s hand at work in my life and in the lives of those I love. So, I totally claim “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for GOOD” because I am BETTER for all the heartache, all the pain, all the struggle. God grew me through the hard times and I am so thankful for them!

Hugs to you!
K



Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image



It was bound to happen. I THINK I wrote about it last week, but I didn’t go back and look.
So, last week I bombed. It happens. Part of it is hormonal. I get that. There is something else that happens too and I can’t figure out how to defeat it. It’s like as soon as I see a significant dip in the scale, I become ravenously hungry. I binge. Every time. That was last week.

As I said, some of it is hormonal. So when I weigh in next week, I will have lost some water weight and “bloat”. BUT I am gonna really have to step up my game to recover and get back on track because
I GAINED 3 POUNDS!

THREE POUNDS!!!

IN ONE WEEK!!!!!

My MERCY! Who DOES that?

Me, that’s who.

Now, normally this is where I would call it quits, throw in the towel and drown my sorrows in some chips and dip. I’m not going to do that this time.
I am going to buckle back down with my eating.
I am going to the gym starting today.
I am going back to a goal of 80 oz of water a day.
I am going to get serious about sleep…go to bed earlier and get up earlier.
I am going to count my points like I’m supposed to instead of guessing.
I know I can do this. People lose weight and get in shape all the time. I have to gain control.

We’ll see how it turns out next week.
I am hoping to lose the 3 I gained and 2-4 more. Probably not gonna happen…but we’ll see.

Till next week!

K

Friday, March 10, 2017

On my Firstborn's 18th Birthday


Today Brian is 18. For 18 years, he’s been mine. I’ve heard “we only have them for a little while” since he was a baby. Today the reality of this simple phrase hits home. He is a legal adult. In less than 2 months he will graduate High School. This summer he will be on his own, 800 miles away from us.

I have friends who cried for months when their children turned 18, but I’m not. I’m excited for him and what life holds for him.

I mean, he’s never really been mine. Oh my goodness I love him so much it hurts, but this boy has always been God’s - on loan to me until he could take care of himself. Now that time is rapidly approaching and he will do what he’s always said he’d do and his desire to leave us this summer is no surprise.

He’s ready. He doesn’t keep his room clean or cook and is prone to oversleep. But what he needs, he has: a deep love for the Lord and a strong sense of accountability to God. He is going to be just fine apart from us, because he never really answered to us anyway. He has always answered to God. While our ideas about what he should and shouldn’t do might change over time, he has never wavered in anything that really mattered. I know that’s because he knows that it is more important to please God with is life than it is to please his parents.

He is a gift. This boy has brought me more joy than I ever imagined possible. Watching him grow into a man has been the single greatest experience of my life to date. He is everything I wish I’d been. In many ways, he’s who I’d like to be now. He is good, kind, thoughtful, and gracious. He is humble, brave, courageous and strong. He loves the Lord and His life shows that more vividly than any other person I know. I know him. I see him at his best and worst and can honestly say that Jesus oozes out of him.

God has always had His hand on Brian. Since he was a little boy, he has been God’s. I don’t know how to explain this other than to say that Brian is just different, set apart…like God’s hand is on him, guiding him, directing him and protecting him from the things that can harm his witness. I don’t know that he will always be safe from harm or that he will live to a ripe old age. I don’t know if he will marry or have children. I do know this… until he gets to heaven, he will do everything he can to share Christ with those God puts in his path.

I feel like I’ve had this amazing guy all to myself for 18 years and now I get to watch God use him “out there” in the world. I am thankful, truly thankful that God trusted me enough to let me be Brian’s mom. I am so proud of the man he has become. I love who he is. I am honored to be his mom and I can’t wait to see what God is going to do in and through him.

Brian’s okay. He’s ready. He knows who he serves and who he answers to. I don’t have to defend him or tell people what a strong Christian he is. There is no “but” with him. There is no “Brian loves Jesus but…” or “Brian is a good kid but…” or “Brian is respectful but…” or “Brian tries, but…”  No, he isn’t perfect, and yes, I think he’s close. I just see Christ in Him. Nothing is greater than this. He is amazing, not because of anything he’s done on his own or because of anything we’ve done as parents, but because his life is submitted to Christ.

So, He’s 18. I’ll have him to myself for a few more months, but in my heart I am already letting him go.

After all, this is what we raised him for.