Thursday, May 7, 2009

hard to belive

I have a Dr appointment this morning.
Just a check up visit. No big deal....which is strange, because even though I KNOW it is no big deal, i can't quite convince my body of that. My heart still races, I feel like I am going to vomit...all that fun stuff.
It is hard to believe that less than 3 months ago I was preparing to get my neck dissected and my lymph nodes removed to make sure that my cancer had not spread. It is hard to believe that less than 6 weeks ago I could not talk...and was wondering if I would ever be able to again. It is hard to believe that a year ago everything was perfectly normal in my little world and the only time I went to the doctor was when one of the kids got sick.

It's hard to believe that I don't still have cancer.

I WANT to just let it go and be done with it. Put it in the past and celebrate the healing God allowed. I am grateful and I do celebrate and I enjoy telling my story. It's just the, every time I go to the doctor, there is a tiny little part of me that wonders if he is going to tell me that something isn't quite right.

So I am off to see Dr.S and am looking forward to the part of the visit where he says "everything looks fine, see you in a month."

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