By the time I was pregnant with baby Williams 1, I'd realized that this whole marriage thing was a bit more complicated than "...and they lived happily ever after." I realized that I brought a lot of baggage into my marriage and that this baggage made things a bit difficult at times. To be fair, it made things REALLY difficult a LOT of the time.
As time passed, I grew to hate that baggage. I resented being broken. I saw myself as flawed, as something that needed repairing. Even though I had no idea how long it would take - or WHAT it would take- for me to overcome all my "issues," I knew that I didn't want my children to have to deal with this sort of "brokenness" when they married.
As time passed, I grew to hate that baggage. I resented being broken. I saw myself as flawed, as something that needed repairing. Even though I had no idea how long it would take - or WHAT it would take- for me to overcome all my "issues," I knew that I didn't want my children to have to deal with this sort of "brokenness" when they married.
So, starting while I was pregnant with each of my children, I've prayed, not only for my marriage (so that we don't pass divorce down to our children), but also for their future marriages, for their future spouses and for their future spouses' families.
For Brian, I prayed that his wife would be nothing like me. I prayed that she would come from a whole family; that she would not bring the baggage that comes with divorce to her marriage to my son. I prayed that she would have a strong Christian upbringing, that she would know her value in Christ Jesus, and that she would not be plagued with the insecurities that come from wanting to please others. I prayed that she would not be broken, or fragile. I prayed that she would be whole and strong and brave and self assured. I prayed these things and so many others because I want Brian to have more than I have ever been able to give to Calvin. I want my son to have so much more...
And now he has Tayler... and he says he is going to marry her...
and her family is just like mine. Her history is almost a mirror image of mine. She comes from a family broken by divorce, filled with all the things I prayed so fervently that Brian's future wife would not have to deal with....and I have questioned...
Why God?
Why give my son this beautiful broken girl to love?
Recently I stopped and really looked at Tayler... and I understand why my son loves her. Goodness, I love her. My daughter loves her. My husband loves her. It's hard not to... she is the most wonderful young woman I have ever known. She is stunningly beautiful in appearance, but that is no comparison to the real beauty found in who she is. She loves Jesus and wants very much to share the love, grace, and mercy she receives from Him with others. She is gentle and kind and selfless. She lifts others up and she has a sparkle that is absolutely contagious. When she hugs you, you know she loves you... love just oozes from her. She is full of joy. She loves fiercely. She is patient and nurturing and caring and sweet. I do not doubt that she is perfect for my son in spite of being broken... maybe she is perfect for my son BECAUSE she is broken...
And I'm thinking...
Maybe being broken isn't so bad.
Maybe being broken makes us fragile, but also gentle and kind.
Maybe being broken gives us the courage to love more deeply and completely.
Maybe being broken gives us the strength to be vulnerable and trusting.
Maybe being broken gives us the strength to be vulnerable and trusting.
Maybe bring broken gives us the ability to encourage others and to love fiercely.
Maybe being broken allows us to fully embrace the love and grace and mercy of Christ...and to share these with others.
Maybe being broken isn't a bad thing.
Maybe being broken is what makes us truly beautiful.
Maybe being broken is what makes us truly beautiful.
Maybe being broken is actually a gift.
Who knew?
Just my thoughts...
K
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