Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I do have a brain afterall

So I had a MRI / Brain scan thing on Monday. Seems that the good Doctor S would not give me another round of migrain meds unless I agreed to see a Neurologist and make sure that we didn't have anything sinister causing my sudden esclation in headaches. (Anyone ever heard of STRESS?)
Anyway, went to see the neurologist. Failed one of his tests. Since I have had cancer in my neck, i need an MRI....blah blah blah....
Had the MRI on Monday at lunch.
Here's our e-mail "conversation".....

Are you going to get a copy of the MRI results?
I am going back to Dr Wolfe on the 12th.
Do I need to tell him to send the results to you?
Will he give me a pic of my brain (assuming they found one)?
I mean, if I ASK that an unrealistic request?
I sure do like the good folks at the Otolaryngology and whatever it is clinic a lot better than the folks down in neurology...
Guess they don't know that I am supposed to be their favorite patient! Ha ha ha
Have a great day!

Sure, you can ask them to send the results to me. I'm curious to see what (if anything) is up there....

John M. Schweinfurth, M.D.
Department of Otolaryngology

Sooo I understand that you have access to the MRI since I had it done at UMC..

Why don't you check it out for me???? Just take a little peek. Make sure everything is okay..ya know..have a brain and nothing else in there.

I know that we are all most certain that there is nothing wrong with my brain, but would rather NOT go in to see Dr Wolfe on the 12th and him say "I really had no idea." Not a big fan of the "the tests did not come back like we expected" speech. I know we have this long term thing going on, but I am not planning on being chummy with any other doctors.
I know the chances are super slim.but it seems that I have a tendency to be in the 1 in a million club as of late. I'm tired of that club. Maybe I can get my name taken off the membership roll.
I don't know what exactly I hope to accomplish by you looking at it other than that I trust that if something IS outta whack, you MIGHT be able to persuade them to see me sooner. (Although I WAS supposed to go in tomorrow.but have to be in Birmingham and had to reschedule) I suppose it would just make me feel better if you know what the results are, even if I don't.
Besides, Dr Wolfe told me I just needed a glass of Scotch and a good Cuban cigar. Perhaps he was not listening to the part about cancer in my throat being the reason we were looking at my head in the first place..ha ha

See ya in a few weeks

Much to my surprise, you have a brain, it appears to be normal sized, AND it's otherwise completely normal! My guess is that you brought someone else in to sub for you....

John M. Schweinfurth, M.D.
Department of Otolaryngology

And so it goes between me and the good Doctor.

I will be SO glad when I am not nervous about every little test anymore. I will be so glad when "what if" does not cross my mind.

DOn't get me wrong, I am not "afraid" If there was something growing in my head causing the headaches, I would face it....sitting right in Jesus' lap...crying on His soulder a good bit of the time. I am glad that Doc let meknow that everything is okay, just like we thought and I am glad to know for sure rather than guessing.

Perhaps if i was totally over this and didn't have these little hiccups from time to time, i would forget to lean on Jesus. Maybe I would forget how he carried me through my cancer journey. Maybe.

All I know is that I am eternally grateful that I knew Jesus before I got cancer and that I loved him before I got cancer so that my natural resopnse to such a trying time was to lean heavily on my Lord!


Sunday, March 28, 2010


I have built a city here,
half with pride and half with fear,
I just wanted a safer place to hide,
I don't wanna be safe tonight.

I need you like a hurricane,
thunder crashing wind and rain,
to tear my walls down,
I'm only yours now.
I need you like a burning flame,

wild fire untamed,
to burn these walls down,
I'm only yours now,
I'm only yours now.

I am yours and you are mine,
You know far better than I,
And if destruction's what I need,
Then I'll recieve it Lord from Thee,
Yes, I'll recieve it Lord from Thee.

And it's your eye in the storm,
watching over me,
and its your eye in the storm,
wanting only good from me,
and if you are the war,
let me be your casualty,
til I'm yours alone, I am only yours.
I am yours alone, Lord.
~ Jimmy Needham

Oh my goodness! I finally HEARD the words to this song on the wa to church this morning and...WOW! I cannot wait to share it with the FLO girls tonight! OH LORD! I do indeed need you like a Hurricane!

My thoughts are scrambled. My sweet friend Sherry will most likely lose her Husband to Heaven today. Praying with her onthe phone, I asked God to give her the strength to let him go. OH! How hard that would be!
So, instead of trying to make sense of the many many different ideas banging around in my head and heart this afternoon, I'll add the Hurricane video.
This is my prayer....
Lord, I do need you like a Hurricane. Tear down the walls that keep me from you.
If destruction is what I need to get you to where you want me to be, then send it.
I trust you.

Sunday Morning Prayer

Lord, ther are so many distractions in Sunday, especially for those of us that serve. Not only are there children to bathe and dress, myself to bathe and dress, and a sweet husband to get out the door, but there are other things that distract me. I am sure that i am not the only one who has trouble clearing my mind on Sunday Morning, even if my distractions are different than others'.
Lord, I pray that my friend A. is there today. God, I cannot imagine the battle she is fighting. Be with her. Make our presence known to her in a very real and tangible way.
Comfort sweet M. as he waits to join you in Heaven and, Father God, please comfort precious S. as she prepares to let him go.
Be with B. and A. as they prepare to come home from this round of Chemo and face bone marrow transplant in the not too distant future.
Lord there are so many that need a touch from you. I cannot begin to wrap my brain around the sheer number of prople that are hurting and in desperate need of your touch. You know who they are Lord and you know what they need. Please wrap your arms around them and let them know that you are with them, that you have a plan and a purpose for their lives and that you are in contol at all times.
Lord, Be with the ones teaching Sunday School this morning. Let them be sensitive to your spirit and allow you to speak through them.
Be with Calvin and all of your pastors as they prepare to deliver your Word. Please put a hedge around them so that they are not discouraged and disheartned by complaining and such this morning. Protect them, fill them up and give them courage to speak your truths clearly, firmly, and lovingly.
Please speak to the worship leaders and musicians involved in this morning services. Lord, again, put a hedge around them and protect them from gossip, complaining, and procrastination. Please do not allow that little things to irritate them this morning.
Finally, meet with us Lord. In "Big Church", in Children's worship, and in Preschool worship, make your presence known. I love You Lord and I want to want nothing more than to worship you and bask in your presence this morning!
Your adoring child,

Friday, March 26, 2010


I wonder what people think when they say that they are a Christian. Perhaps this is on my mind because Easter is a week away. Perhaps it is because i read my journal entry from the night I watched the Passion the first time. Perhaps it is because I am working on a lesson on Salvation for Sunday's FLO Bible Study. Perhaps I am just feeling...something.

It seems at times that being a Christian in the South is a given. Like everyone expects a person to believe in Jesus. For many, it doesn't matter how you live or what you believe or who you hang out with or how you talk or how you dress or what you put in your body. People will curse (GD, MF, and SOB), talk about relationships outside marriage, getting drunk, or being homosexual and in the same breath talk about going to church and Sunday school..  It seems at times like some people say they are a Christian as if being a Christian is the "other" choice on a multiple choice test. As if to say, "Well, I'm not Muslim, I'm not Jewish, I'm not Buddist, I'm not Morman, I'm not Jehovah Witness...I must be a Christian." This hurts my heart. There is SO much more to aligning myself with Christ than just not beliving the things other religions believe. I believe the things Christ taught and I WANT to live my life in a way that shows others what Christ was and is all about.

Jesus Christ died for me. For me! Ages before I was born, ages before i could choose to follow Him, He DIED for me. He suffered. He bled. He was beaten. He was spat on. He was cursed, laughed at, and mocked. My Lord, My God, My Savior died for save me, to restore me, to redeem me.
Knowing that there was no way for me to ever live a sin-free life. Knowing that I would have "bad" thoughts, do "bad" things, and  that I would fail daily in my attempts to serve Him whole heartedly and have no other gods before Him. Knowing that I would be a rebellous child, and a heard headed adult, He chose to die for me.
Being a Christian is to align myself with Christ. Being a Christian is to desire to lead others to know Him. Being a Christian is to desire my life to be a reflection of Christ so that those who know me will want to know Him. Being a Christian is to believe that the Bible is true and that the truths found there are relevant and unchanging. Being a Christian is to be in love with my Savior. Being a Christian is to yearn to meet Jesus in worship. Being a Christian is to live my life for His glory.
I love Him. He saved me once for all from eternal death and He saves me daily from myself. I love Him. I believe Him. I trust Him. I follow Him. I want my life to be a reflection of Him. I am thankful for the opportunity to be In The Battle. I am thrilled that He would trust me to care for one of His Pastors. I am humbled that He would use me daily to share his love with the people in  my life.

That is only a little explanation of what it means to me to be a Christian, and even that is SO much more than a casual assumption based on what i am not. More than NOT being any of the religions I mentioned earlier....i AM a Christian, a follower of Christ Jesus.

Thankfuly, He takes everyone, even me. No matter what I did before I met Him, and no matter how many times I do NOT live my life in a way that reflects His life and His love now that I have met him, He calls me His own.

If you have given your life to Him, HE calls YOU His own too.


Thursday, March 25, 2010

When things are not so great

This has been a very tough week for several of my friends.
Christie has a baby at the daycare whose mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer when the baby was 6 weeks old. Mom died this week. Left the daddy with 3 little of whom will never remember her mommy.
A friend at work lost his wife. Left behind a teenage son. Tragic.
My precious friends Mike and Sherry got the news we've all been dreading...Mike is going to Hospice. I was just looking at pics from Super Bowl 2009...Mike was cutting up with the other guys. So sad to have to say goodbye to good friends. I can't imagine what Sherry must be feeling.
I'm worried about my little sister. She has been posting things on FB that make me think she is unhappy. Of course, she always says that she is fine. She probably is.
I don't really have much else to say. Like I said in the beginning, it has been a sad week. There are times when there just are no good words to say. In the 3 families I mentioned earlier, well, it just stinks. There is no way to make them really feel better. Part of their life has been taken and that just hurts. It just hurts and there really is nothing to say other than "I am so sorry that you are walking this road, and I am here if you need me"
I like the new song by Matthew West.......

Save a Place for Me

Don’t be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
‘Cause everyday it’s sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again

You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world
Off your shoulders now
I’m dreaming of the day
When I’m finally there with you

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I’ll be there soon
I’ll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I’ll be there soon
I’ll be there soon

I have asked the question why
But I guess the answer’s for another time
So instead I’ll pray
With every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here

And I wanna live my life
Just like you did
Make the most of my time
Just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there

Save a place for me

The ONLY good thing we can offer those who are suffering with grief is that there IS the promise of heaven. If Jesus is Lord of our lives, if we accept his gift of salvation, then we can indeed look forward to a time when there will be no more tears, no more loss, no more sadness, no more grief. Until the time comes for us to join them in heaven, we can rest in the arms of our Savior, knowing that He understands our hurts. He alone knows how much it hurts.

In their CD jacket, where they talk about all the songs, Mercy Me says that "Homesick" is how they feel about Heaven, They said that they are hurting because they have lost loved ones, but that they are JEALOUS of the ones that have gone on to Heaven because THOSE people are actually in the presence of the One we live for. I like that. It has stuck with me. I am looking forward to Heaven and i too am a bit jealous of those that are already there.


Thursday, March 4, 2010

Choose Wisely

 These are our crazy kids.....the preacher's kids, the deacon's kids, and the praise team member's kids. These little ones belong to the Women's ministry leader, the Men's ministry leader, the Nursery Committee Chair, and the FLO Blog Modirator. They are good friends, growing up together in similar households with similar values and morals. I love watching them play...even when they are hanging upside down on the front pew.

I remember when I was in Elementary school, my mom told me to choose my friends wisely. She continued to drill this into my head all throughout Jr High and Highschool. Looking back (and now that I have my own kids), I can see her point much more clearly than I did back then. I am realizing that even as an adult it is oh so important to choose my friends wisely.

My friends are the people I go to for advice, so I need to make sure that I choose friends that will lead  me in the right direction....even if it is not the direction I want to go at the time.

My friends are the ones who have the most influence over me....even as an adult, so I need to make sure that my friends are like minded in the things that are important to me. I value my relationship with Christ, working to support our church, having an amazing marriage to the love of my life, raising my babies to love Jesus and follow Him......and so do my friends....because we are like minded, we have the same values and priorities and therefore we support eachother naturaly.

My friends are the ones closest to my family...and my husband. I need to choose wisely the person or people who will have influence on my kids and my spouse,

I could go on and on, but that covers the basics.

Jesus gave us the pattern for friendship. He was kind and compassionate to all people. He healed and taught and visited with people regardless of their background or social standing. Scripture mentions a handfull of people with whom Jesus visited regularly...because they were his friends. BUT he chose 12 men with whom to share his life. Of those 12, He was closer the Peter, James, and John....three. Of the 3, John was the one He loved enough to entrust Mary to at the time of His death. Jesus was selective in how much of Himself He would share with the people in His life. We should use this as an example. The people closest to Him were like minded and devoted. I am sure that, with all the crowds following Jesus everywhere He went, that many wanted to be in His group of close friends, but they were not willing to pay the price for that friendship...they did not share the same values and goals and such as that.

God places people in my life who share common interests, personalities, goals, and values. I am grateful that He blessed me with 2 amazing women who I call my best friends. We are dedicated to sharing the love of Christ, to our families and to our church. Our entire families are at church Sunday morning, sunday night, and wednesday night and any other time we need to be. This works in favor of our friendship and strenghtens the bond between our families because we are all working toward a common goal....making Pearson a stronger church. Our Children are raised with like values. We all know that the rules at one home are almost identical to the rules at the others, because we have the same values and morals and expectations of our kids.

When you choose your friends wisely, it just works. It is not wise to let everyone close to your heart. You can be kind, compassionate, and helpful to all....close to some.....closer to a few....and love a very few....and that is really okay.

Took a long time for me to understand what Mama was trying to tell me.....but now I am beginning to IS important to choose your friends wisely, and when you do, it just works....without any drama.