Monday, April 26, 2010

me and jonah

I sent Christa a post today for the FLO blog. You can click on the link to the right of this page and go there. She does a FABULOUS job on that blog!  Anyway, I sent her a post today. i do from time to time.

Seems that I have discovered what my "slump" is all about. I am hangin out in the belly of a whale. Not literally of course. I just can't get past this.I know I posted yesterday about giving God my "Firsts" instead of my left-overs.

In the post I sent Christa for the FLO blog, I also refered to giving God what he desires rather than "what I can". 

But isn't that what I do? I do what I can. When I can. It is hard for me to let go and let God do big things in my least it is hard to do when i can handle life on my own.

Isn't that always the case? When I call on God, let go and give Him control is when I realize that things are bigger than I can deal when I had cancer, or when the doc thought Calvin had a heart problem, or when my sister ran away from home, or when my brother had a severe neck injury playing football, or when a tree fell on my step dad's back, or when my mom smashed the bones in her ankle all to pieces, or when the doctor told me I was probably going to lose my first child in the 13th week of pregnancy (he is 11 yrs old now), or get the picture. I am like everyone else I guess. It is easy for me to run into my Father's arms when things get tough. When i can't fix it, I run to God and say "okay, I give up. You take it from here"

How much richer would my life be if I ran to God in the GOOD times and said, "okay, YOU can do a better job here than I can. You take it from here."

I'm trying. Really I am.  Really. I get up in the morning and say, "Okay God. No more Hangin out with Jonah. You wnat me to write, I'll write. Just give me the words. You want me to teach, I'll teach. Just give me the lesson. You wnat me to talk to women, I'll talk. Just tell me what to say.You want me to love Calvin and nurture him and be his help mate, I will. Just tell me what he needs. Want me to raise godlly kids, You got it. Just tell me what to do." But today, like so many days, it is now time for bed and I am wondering "how'd I do God?" Nothing amazing happened. Nothing earth shattering or life changing happened today. Did I miss it?

Here's the thing.....I want...I REALLY want to do BIG things for God. I want to do GOD-SIZED things. I do. I really really do. But I am a chicken. I am afraid of failing and the things I feel in my heart that God is wanting to do through me are things I cannot do.

So in lies the problem. And again i am in the belly of the whale with Jonah. Or maybe I am in the boat on the way to Tarshish. Either way, I am struggling.

I feel like i am standing on the high dive. I know all i have to do is jump and everything will be fine. It's the jumping part that is the problem.

So, for now i am fighting myself. I WANT to do BIG things....but I'm just me andI know me...and I'm not all that great.

I DO serve a GREAT BIG HUGE AMAZING GOD and I want so much to bring Him glory with my life.

So I guess the question is do I trust Him?

Oh Lord! I do believe! Help my unbelief!


Sunday, April 25, 2010

Going Through The Motions

In Sunday School this morning, Dave taught from Malachi....the thing in the lesson that caught my attention and stuck with me was a conversation about how the Isrealites were "Going through the motions" so to speak. The were going to the temple, they were making sacrifices, they were making vows....but it was all being done half heartedly. They were not giving their best to the Lord. They were just giving something.

Would be nice if this were an isolated incident.....

The same issue is addressed in Revelation...The church at Ephesus was guilty of Going through the motions as well.....
Revelation 2
I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. 4Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.

I wish that this was something that was only an issue or the folks of Bible times. Unfortunately, I too am guilty of just Going Through The Motions.....Going to Church because it is Sunday or Wednesday, even going through an entire service without opening my heart to my what I "can afford" for a tithe ( when i still go out to eat with friends)....spending what time I "can afford" in prayer and quiet time with my savior ( while making sure not to miss my favorite TV shows).

UGH! Is it any wonder that I falter in my walk with Christ???? When I am only giving Him my it surprising that my relationship with my Savior is strained? I am ashamed to admit that I have, like the Ephesians, lost my FIRST LOVE, and have substituted the love of My Life with cheap imitations.....

Scripture does give a remedy for the ailment of the Christian Soul.....Found in Revelation 2
5Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.

Oh Father God! I am so sorry for giving you my leftovers. i am sorry that I have been Going Through The Motions. I am sorry that I have replaced my love for YOU with cheap imitations. Oh Lord, put the fire back in my heart. Fill me with your love again so that all I want is more and more of you. I will do my part and give you the FIRSTS....of my time, my money, and my talents and gifts. I will serve you whole heartedly. Lord, fill me up again so that I can show others Your Love. Lord, you have my heart and my life. Please grow me so that those you have put in my life can see YOU in me.

Not gonna just Go Through the Motions anymore!
Goin to church time for spell check, so just forgive the errors.....


Friday, April 23, 2010

Do I trust God?

I say that I trust God. I do believe that I trust God. One of my Spiritual Gifts is Faith and I do see that evident in my life. I do believe that God has a plan and a purpose for me and for everyone else and I do understand that it is okay if I do not understand what His plan is for me and it is even okay if I don't like His plan. He is God and He knows better than I do, knows more than I do, and He alone sees the big picture.


It is so much easier for me to trust God with BIG things than it is with little things.It is natural for me to run to God with monumental situations.....yet I hang on and grit my teeth and struggle through the every day "little" battles on my own.


I ran to God, searched His Word for guidance and prayed diligently for His will and for understanding of His will when.....
I had cancer
I thought I had a miscarriage when I was pregnant with Brian
My sister ran away from home as a teenager
The doctors thought something was wrong with Calvin's heart
Chrsta's neice was born with a heart defect
Christa's neice went to heaven
Calvin's dad lost his fight with cancer
I made a carreer change
We bought a house
We decided to have a second child

And while I do seek God every day, I am ashamed to say that my daily interaction with my Lord is not the same searching, yearning, and passionate desire for His will that I experience when i am facing a huge battle.
So, this morning I wonder what my life would be like If I passionatey saught HIS will and HIS ways in the "little" Battles.....

What if I took God's hand each morning, searched His word, and  asked Him to help me.....
Care for my husband, be Calvin's helpmate, without the need for his approval and praise
Nurture and care for my children and prepare them for adulthood
Care for and manage my home and family so that our home is a safehaven, a peaceful place for them to rest and retreat from the demands of the world.
Work with effeciency and puncuality at the bank so that those that work with me have less load to bear
Be pleasant, positive, and gracious in all things so that anyone around me will see a glimpse of the love of my Savior.

I'll stop there. I cannot help but come back to this from time to time because I am realizing more and more that the seemingly SMALL things are where I am losing the Battle. Satan does not stand much of a chance when i am facing a huge battle, but when the BIG battle is over, I take off my battle gear and....well, i am an open target.

Scripture DOES speak to such things......

Colossians 3:22-24
22Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Philippians 4:6-7
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Now, I know that we aren't slaves, but I do have a boss at work and Colossians definately applies to work as we know it. Work as though working for the Lord.

And in Philippians..... Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING........not just the big things......because, at least in my life, the Devil's in the little details.


Thursday, April 22, 2010

You Are - Tenth Ave. North

To God be the Glory!

The following is a message sent to me from my friend Bobby. We went to highschool together and were thrilled to find out that we have both accepted Christ as Lord of our lives as adults. He and his sweet wife Lorisa just went through a terrible custody battle that I will not go into here....hope his words encourage and challenge you.

You know - its weird this thing with my court case and the life-changing impact it has had on me.

It would be so easy, as it often is, to just say that it was a people thing and not a God thing. When things are bad we so quickly rush to HIM like we need HIM - then when it goes bad - we blame HIM like HE is some genie waiting to grant wishes - but then when it goes good - we want to take the credit for it.

Not this time. I really saw so many people come together to pray over my family and lift me up. There is no way I would give glory to anyone other than our great GOD!!!!

I walked into that court house so confident that I really was in HIS hands, and I wasn't thrilled to be there - I wasn't thrilled with some of the concessions I made - but my decisions were all made with my kids best interest and I had finally let go if the hatred and anger - I really did forgive and let go of what Satan had bound me to - and it was a GREAT feeling!!!!

Pray, Forgive, Love, Laugh

It is so true that many are quick to blame God when things do not go according to our plans. It is also true that we are often quick to take credit for the times that God pulls it all together and makes something amazing happen.

Couldn't help but note Bobby's comment about forgiveness too......and his understanding that SATAN had him bound.........there's another post there,.....just need to sort my thoughts on it.


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Temple

One of the things I planned to do on my "vacation" this week was go to the gym. My plan was to go ahead and get over the soreness that comes with the first few workouts. I do want to care for the body God gave me and I want all my muscles to work properly. I want to be strong and healthy.

Afterall, the body is the Temple of the Lord, right? 

In the book of Haggai, the minor prophet tells God's people that the time has come to finish the temple. 

God's people started to rebuild the Temple of the Lord, but lost interest.......

Then the word of the LORD came through the prophet Haggai: 4 "Is it a time for you yourselves to be living in your paneled houses, while this house remains a ruin?"

So my first thought is..."How often have I done this?" If The Temple of the Lord is now my body rather than a building....then how often have I built up ther things while the Lord's house remains a ruin?

5 Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. 6 You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it."

Again, I see myself in these words. I have worked HARD for things that delivered little in the end. I have tried so many different things to find contentment and satisfaction, only to be left empty feeling. I do understand the feeling of "never enough". I want bigger, better, more exciting, more, more, more....but it is never enough.....or at least that is the way i WAS. I discovered the cure for this spiritual ailment. It is indeed a spiritual issue, ya know. I FINALLY realized that there is so much more to being a Christian than simple professing to be one. There is more to the Christian life than the promise of Heaven. There is a lifetime here to live for Christ and to tell others about Him.

7 This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. 8 Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build the house, so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored," says the LORD. 9 "You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?" declares the LORD Almighty. "Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house. 10 Therefore, because of you the heavens have withheld their dew and the earth its crops. 11 I called for a drought on the fields and the mountains, on the grain, the new wine, the oil and whatever the ground produces, on men and cattle, and on the labor of your hands."

So, what happens when I live for me? I come up empty. i am left unfulfilled. I am not satisfied. i want more. I am antsy and irritable and uneasy. Everything in me knows that something is wrong when I am living for me.

12 Then Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel, Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and the whole remnant of the people obeyed the voice of the LORD their God and the message of the prophet Haggai, because the LORD their God had sent him. And the people feared the LORD.

Like the people on the Old Testament, when I accept that God's word is TRUE, I "fear" Him. Not fear like I fear a stranger in the Wal Mart Parking lot. Perhaps the same sort of "fear" that I have for a doctor. I trust that my Lord knows what is best for me and if i want to get well spiritually, I must do what He says. Just like when I am physically sick, I know to do what the Doctor tells me. Maybe that makes sense. Bottom line is that when I realize that I am out of Step with God, I DO know that the best medicine for my soul is to go to Him, spend time with Him and get back in line with his plans for me.

13 Then Haggai, the LORD's messenger, gave this message of the LORD to the people: "I am with you," declares the LORD. 14 So the LORD stirred up the spirit of Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and the spirit of Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and the spirit of the whole remnant of the people. They came and began to work on the house of the LORD Almighty, their God, 15 on the twenty-fourth day of the sixth month in the second year of King Darius.

And WHAT did that say? When the people turned back to God and did what HE said......WHAT did God say?
That's right...."I AM WITH YOU"

Finally, I have learned over and over and over that there are no limits to the Love of God. He never leaves me nor forsakes me. He does not sleep. He has proven himself worthy of my service and dedication and unwavering devotion. When I am seperated from Him, it is not because He left ME. Rather, it is ALWAYS because I decided to build my own house rather than His temple. When I am focused on God and on using my life and my thoughts and my body to serve Him. I am full and fulfilled. When I decide to do things for myself and "build my own house" is never, never, never enough.

When I find myself yearning for more, unfulfilled, or otherwise restless, I am WISE to check my heart and see what my focus is. Another way God shows His love for me is giving me the longing in my soul to be near to Him. When I am seperated from him, i feel it.....and I want Him back.

So, I am building the the gym, at home, in Bible Study and Quiet time, in caring for the family He has entrusted to my care, I am serving Him and walking with him and feeling very full and content and.....satisfied.


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Kenalog Injection

I would like to say that I was worried about nothing and that the kenalog injection was not as bad as i anticipated.....that would be a lie. It was pretty terrible.
I don't think my throat went completely numb until after it was over. It didn't really hurt. Okay, it sorta hurt. not like a stick. I mean, I didn't feel the prick of the needle. I felt the pressure of the needle and just knowing that Doc S had a needle in my neck was enough to send me reeling.
Now, it is true that the Kenalog injection did not HURT, was rather uncomfortable, but not painful....the aftermath however has been painful. I have yet to be able to eat solid food. I guess that pain will be over tomorrow.
I will say that Doc was as considerate as he could be and was totally concerned with my comfort level and I truly do not think ANY one could have done it any better. But it was terrible all the same.
ALL that being said. My voice is already clearer. Still soft. Not a lot of volume. But it is clearer. I still don't have much of a low range, but my upper range is expanding even more. THat's kinda neat I guess.

Okay, enough whining.
The Kenalog injection was terrible, but how could a needle through my neck NOT be terrible, right?
If it fixes my voice, it is worth it....and this IS the final stage of all the garbage that started Sept. 2008 when I had the first surgery to remove what ended up being cancer from my cords. AND I suppose I shouldn't whine too much. I don't have a trache, I do have a voice, I still have both my cords, and I don;t have cancer anymore. I am blessed beyond measure and I really do know that. I am grateful that God lead me to Doc Schweinfurth. I am thankful that they cured me. I know that a pretty voice is asking a bit much after all this.

So, I am done whining....til the next injection anyway.....hee hee hee


it's NOT the pollen!

okay, I know that it is spring and that every car is covered in pollen and I am SURE that the pollen is not HELPING my voice in any way shape form or fashion. Still, I am really OVER well meaning people commenting onthe quality (or lack there of) of my voice. I am hoarse. Have been hoarse for, oh, let's LEAST 3 years. And although the pollen is not helping at all, I feel fairly certain that the 5 surgeries I had on my vocal cords last year to remove the cancer that decided to take up residence there has much more to do with my raspy voice than does the pollen!
Whew! Glad to get THAT off my chest!
I really want to tell these folks, "no, i had cancer. Let's go grab a cup of coffee and I'll tell you all about it"
I know they mean well. I think the thing that bothers me is that these well meaning people seem to pop the pollen question just about the time that I think my voice might actually be improving. Then they comment on my hoarse-ness and I think "if a total stranger comments on it then it must be really bad."

So, I have decided to go ahead and get the Kenalog injections. UGH! After all this, a shot in the throat has given me more stress than any of the surgeries I had....except maybe the neck dissection....wasn't too thrilled about that. My appointment with the Good Doc S is at 9:15,so I had better get going.

MAybe it won't be as bad as I think........

I'll let ya know.....

Monday, April 19, 2010

Vacation: Day One

First day of Vacation....
It is almost 10  and I am still in my pjs. Terrible, I know. I am a total waste of human flesh this morning. I HAVE done a few loads of laundry and have gotten everything put away that we took with us to Meridian this past weekend. Speaking of Meridian...Brian's team placed thrird! Last game went into overtime! The boys nearly gave us all heartattacks!
Now that I am on the topic....I really did enjoy this weekend. It was great to be with the family. It was great for Brian to be the center of our attention.

It is SUPER GREAT that Pearl has 3 teams going to state! where was I....oh yes....vacation....

So far I am worthless. Sort of. Izzy and I are hanging out watching cartoons. Had some oatmeal. Taught her how to call her daddy on my cell phone. She has called him 3 times inthe past 10 minutes to ask him totally random questions. He is gonna kill me! hee hee hee hee hee
Now she wants "Mrs Twisty's" number.....oh! This is gonna be FUN! hee hee hee

So, day one of vacation.....i need a plan....


Saturday, April 17, 2010

What a great day!

We are in Meridian playing soccer this weekend. Staying in a motel and just...playing soccer.

I had forgotten how much I really enjoy spending time with my sweet husband. That may sound strange, unless you are a pastor's wife. Maybe other husbands work 24 hours a day too, but I only know mine. Even though we are together all the time. we aren't really together. I'm doing my thing, he is doing his. You know how it goes. Everyone demands his time and his ear and his advice...I hate to ask for it when he gets home too.
Today we were just together. Cheering Brian and the Vipers through 2 games and keeping Izzy within earshot. It was a good day. A really good day. It helped that the Vipers won both their games, but that was not why it was so great. It was great to just be with the fam.
It's not so hard to lose track of time and in the process lose track of  family....even if you are with them every day.
 Brain is growing up so fast. Before I know itr he will be gone. Izzy is still so little, but then again, it seems like just yesterday Brian was only 5 too.
I feel like I should have some thing earth shaking to say, but I don't. Well, aside from sayiing that I have been reminded today that I have an amazing husband and great kids and that I really really think my little family is super cool. I am So thankful that God gave them to me to care for!

Oh Lord! Thank you so much for my sweet little family! Thank you for entrusting them to my care. Forgive me for taking them for granted and for being impatient and critical. Thank you for today. Thank you for the time to just be together. Lord, I love serving you and I am humbled that you think I am capable of caring for Calvin, but today was a nice change of pace. It was nice to have my family all to myself. Thank you for that time with them. Lord, help me to be the wife and mom that they need me to be. Help me to care for and nurture them. Help me to create a home for them that is a safehaven, a peaceful place for them to retreat, a place for them to rest. Lord, I love you and again I just want to thank you for letting me be Calvin's wife and Brian and Izzy's mom. They are amazing people and I...well....thanks. I don't know what else to say.

Well, time to get some sleep.....or at least starts at 8am tomorrow!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Friday's Five Faves

Okay, so I am TOTALLY stealing this topic from a friend....she won't care one bit though.....

My five fave words

oober (not sure if that is REALLy a word...but it is used when I might normally use "really". For example, if something is totally compleatly gag-a-maggot disgusting...I could say it is "oober gross" rather than "really gross" or I might be oober excited...or something along those lines...I just like the word. Don't get to use it much though.)

conundrum - problem, puzzle, brain teaser



verbose (learned that one today!)- wordy

Well, that's it.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Forgive and forget

What does that mean anyway? To be honest, I think it is kind of a silly saying. I can't make myself forget anything. The very act of trying to forget something immediately cements it in my brain.

Still, I got a good lesson in "Forgive and forget" recently.

Someone whom I love dearly hurt my feelings. You know how that feels....kind of like the breath has been knocked out of you.

Crazy as it sounds, the scripture, "Forgive them for they know not what they do" came to mind immediately. It is true in this case. The person who hurt my feelings would NEVER intentionally hurt, she in essence did not know what she was doing.

I talk alot about things being "Heart issues", and this was one of those issues. I forgave her ...deep in my heart where it counts. I forgave her. Gone. Done. Over with. Forgiven. Okay, it did take a few minutes, but HONESTLY, it was less that 15 minutes before I let it go.

Here's the crazy thing....As SOON as I forgave her...and remember this is a heart issue, not just lip service. Deep down in my heart I forgave her....
  • I did not hurt heart has not hurt a single time since the moment I forgave her.
  • I feel absolutely no different toward her than I did before this incident. Absolutely no different. There is no doubt, no anger, no fear of being hurt, no mistrust. I truly FEEL as though it never happened.
  • Our relationship was restored (so in essence, I forgot has no bearing on our friendship and she is not in my debt and I do not have negative feelings toward her...that's pretty close to forgotten.)
Now, the way I see it, I had 2 choices. I could forgive her or I could Lord this over her. In my experience, holding a grudge and reliving hurt just hurts. Who wants that? It was bad enough that it hurt the first time....who wants to relive it and hurt over and over again? AND how can i profess to love this person if I INTENTIONALLY cause her pain because she UNINTENTIONALLY hurt me? There is a whole attitude of "I am gonna hurt them like they hurt me"  that i hear a lot of people in my life living by...that thought and belief is straight from the pit. I am not buying into it ever again.

Like I said, I had 2 choices. I forgave. I feel GOOD about that. I am not hurting, and our relationship is restored. I realized in a split second that I truly do love this chick like a sister and that I love her too much to do anything but forgive her completely and totally. I feel like she probably realizes that too and our friendship is stronger because of it.

I can't make this really make sense tonight. So sorry. I guess the bottom line is that I knew that I loved my friend and would rather keep my friendship than force my friend to feel guilty and be in debt to me for hurting my feelings. I think I realized just how much I value our friendship and how important my friends are to me in the moment it took for me to decide what to do in this situation.

I see too many marriages, families, and friendships blow all to pieces because of unforgiveness. Someone gets hurt and then feels completely justified in hurting the other person by holding the hurt over their head until....until when? So many times the answer is forever. What's the good in that? In my case, words hurt my feelings. There is absolutely no way on earth that my sweet friend could take those words back even if she wanted to. Isn't that usually the case? In thinking back over the people I have held a grudge against....not one of them could CHANGE or TAKE BACK the incident that hurt me. So how long do I wait to forgive if there is no way for the people who hurt me to make the hurt go away. Sadly, the answer is "forever".....unless I CHOOSE to FORGIVE and FORGET! 

There is something to that....but my mind is moving on to something else right now....may have to revisit later....

Father God,
Thank you thank you thank you for this wonderful lesson! Thank you for the opportunity to show my friend how much I value her friendship and how much I value her as a person and as Your child. Help me Lord to always be QUICK to forgive and help me to value the people in my life more than i value being "right" or being "justified" or (sigh) getting revenge. Lord, help me apply this in all my relationships, especially the relationships with those closest to me...Calvin, the kids, my friends and family. Help me to remember that it isn't good for me to hurt someone because they hurt me. Help me to remember that this is not your way of doing things. Help me to take the opportunity to show the people you have put in my life unconditional love by showing them true, heartfelt forgiveness.

hugs all around!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Busy being mom

Well,  my second set of thoughts about Easter got posted on the FLO blog rather than here on ITB. Not sure that I have enought thoughts to post on two bogs. We'll see.

We have had SUCH a busy couple of weeks! Saturday was a good example...4 soccer games, 2 birthday parties and a wedding. tonight Brian had a baseball game and a soccer game. Really! On a MONDAY night! This weekend we are going to Meridian to play in the district soccer tourney. I really need to be a stay at home mom. There just are not enough hours in the day when 10 are spent at work.

oh well, that's the way the cookie crumbles. i'll be on vacation next week and I hope to get some writing done. I HOPE to get the last few months of Bible Studies in print...ya know, more tan just my outline and talking points. Maybe something that someone might actually want to read. maybe. Course, I have a TON of housework and yardwork to get done. I'm not sure I have ever even USED our weedeater, lawnmower, or leaf blower. hmmmmm. better get sweet hubby to show mw how to at least make then go, huh?

I have been trying to think of something fun to put on my blog. My friends have cute stuff...Monday Madness,Friday favorites etc. I got nuthin.

All I got right now is "Monday has been a long day and I am tired and am going to sleep now"

That will just have to do!
ha ha


Sunday, April 4, 2010

Easter....part 1

Today is the day that I, as a daughter of the MOST HIGH GOD, celebrate the very thing that I base my entire life on.....

1On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. 2They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, 3but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. 4While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. 5In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? 6He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 7'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.' " 8Then they remembered his words.  Luke 24

Gotta get ready for church....more later!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

The Majesty and Glory of Your Name

The song I mentioned inthe previous post....the song i was listening to Mama pracitice with the choir at Cumberland Pres when Jesus first whispered his love to my heart......
I know this is not the sort of music I normally put on ITB (from 1979), but this sounds just like I remember Mama's choir singing it. Such a sweet memory from my childhood.
OH! How I wish I could still sing! I am grateful to be able to talk and I know that God has blessed me beyond measure....but OH! I wish I could sing!

When I gaze
Into the night sky
And see the work
Of Your fingers
The moon and stars
Suspended in space
But what is man
That You are mindful of him?
You have given man
A crown of glory and honor
And have made him
A little lower than the angels
You have put him
In charge of all creation
The beasts of the field
The birds of the air
The fish of the sea
But what is man
Oh, what is man
That You are mindful of him?

O Lord, our God
The majesty and glory
Of Your name
Transcends the earth
And fills the heavens
O Lord, our God
Little children praise Him perfectly
And so would we
And so would we
Alleluia, Alleluia
The majesty and glory of Your name
Alleluia, Alleluia

Remember Me

Tonight we had our Good Friday Service at Pearson. The Choir lead worship, Calvin gave a short sermon, and we had the Lord's Supper.

I have, over the past few years, found it increasingly difficult to watch portrayals of my Lord's crucifixion. Tonight it was almost unbearable. To think that Jesus would willingly subject Himself to such torture is more than I will ever be able to understand. To know that He did it for me is overwhelming. I am so underserving. I am so ungrateful of His sacrifice. He knew i would be, and He did it anyway. He knew that it would take me a lifetime to learn to live for Him, but He sacrificed himself anyway. He knew that I would make terrible choices and that I would be a lousy representation of his name.....but He allows me to bear His name all the same. Christian....Little Christ.... Daughter of the Most HIgh God.

Tonight as the choir sang and the video of the Crucifixion played, I was shaken to the core.The Lord of all creation,,,,maker of Heaven and earth....God of ALL... chose to die for me. FOR ME.

Calvin asked what did Jesus want the 12 to rember when He told them to "Do this in Rememberance of Me" at the Last Supper....for they had not yet experienced the Cross and Resurection.

"Remember Me"... easier to do in church on Good Friday than it is in the line at Wal Mart...or when we have a TERRIBLE waitress at a restaurant...or when my kids are making me crazy...or when my dear sweet hubby is srtomping on my very last nerve....or when I am beating my head against the wall because another woman in my life just will not accept the freedom Christ offers.......

It is easy to Remember Christ on Good Friday in church.....or late at night when the family is asleep and the only sound is the tap tapping of my keyboard.

Oh Lord! I do remember you! i remeber the night we first met. Lying on the front pew while Mama lead choir practice....What was the name of that song? The Majesty and Glory of Your name? "When I gaze  into the night sky and see the work of your fingers......who is man that You are mindful of him?" Oh Lord! I do remember! I remember how it felt in my oh so young heart to wonder "Could the same God who put the stars in place REALLY know ME? And if He knows me, could it be true that He CARES about me?" I remember the smell in Brother Shauf's office and the calming sound of his voice as he explained Salvation to me and the gentle touch of his hand as he wiped my tears.

Unfortunately, i also remember what it was like to be far from you....or was I? Even in my most rebellious moments, I belive you were nearby, never letting me slip completely from your hand.

I remember sitting in Tom's office and realizing for the first time the possibility that You not only COULD still love me, but that You DID still love me. Oh Father! I remember! I remember what it felt like to return to you!

Thank you. A million times thank you. Thank you for loving me so much that you sacrificed your life in order that I could have Salvation. Thank you for never letting go of me, even when I thought I wanted you to.

Lord, thank you for allowing me the priviledge of serving you. Thank you for entrusting Calvin, Brian, and Izzy to me. Help me Lord to show YOUR love to them. Help me to be sensitive to Calvin's needs and to care for him so that he can care for your church.

Thank you Lord Jesus for the cross. Thank you for taking my place and for dying for my sin.

I do Remember.....