Tuesday, April 7, 2009

one more time

The kids are at my mom in laws, I spent time last night explaining to Sweet Izzy that when I come home from the hospital i won't be able to talk at all for 4 weeks. (note to self: put a calender on the fridge so we can count down) She said "can you eben whiffer?" (can you even whisper?) Nope. No whispering either. She is okay with that. Then I talked to Brian. I told him that it is going to be worth it because after this I'll be able to talk again. He said "maybe". I hate that the most. He knows enough to know that we have thought that every surgery thus far was going to be the one that would bring the news we all want so much to hear "no more cancer".
Maybe this one will be it.
I have come to look forward to the surgeries in a weird sort of way. at least it seems like we are doing something pro-active when we are scheduling and having surgery. It's the waiting and wondering what the next test is going to tell us that is so terribly hard. as long as i have cancer on my cords, CIS or otherwise, there is always a little part of me that is wondering if it is "growing" in between surgeries.
At least this time I do have an explanation as to why i can't talk and I have actually asked God to please let it just bee a Granuloma.
What ever it is, it is coming out today and we'll know in a few days what it is and what the cancer is doing.
I should be in the OR around 8 this morning.
I'll post again when I am home and awake...and on pain meds....ha ha
Have a great day!