Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

So much has happened since I wrote last.

As of this week I have lost a total of 20 pounds!
SOOOOOOO Exciting!!!

I'm in the gym almost every night and I'm eating soo much healthier.  It is super exciting to have friends ask me how I'm doing it and being able to tell them that I'm eating right and working myself to death in the gym. No pills, no shakes, no magic formula...just determination and hard work.

Feels REALLY good.

Still doing Burpees today i am up to 26! Crazy!
Added Pushups, squats, and some ab exercises last week...or was it this week? Time gets away from me.

The biggest thing this is doing is...
I feel differently about myself.
I have more confidence and, even if no one notices the changes i see in my body, I am really proud of myself for not giving up...Cause I REALLY wanted to several weeks ago.

Most days I still dread going tot he gym
Most days I still want cry for the first 30 minutes on the elliptical
Every day I feel like an absolute BEAST when I push through and finish my workout.

So... things are good.

Until next week...
K

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

Well I didn't post last week because I was furious with myself.
I gained another pound and really felt like a huge failure.
All those self-sabotaging thoughts hit me like a hurricane...
"What's the use?"
"You ALWAYS do this"
"You are a failure"
"You will always be fat"

Then something clicked- I don't know exactly how or when it happened. I made a decision. Simply put, I decided to try one more time.

I did everything right. Counted my points. Thought about what I was going to eat. Planned my meals. Drank lots of water. No Soft Drinks. Very little sugar. Almost no bread. No chips. No junk. Just ate when i was hungry and stopped when i was satisfied.

I didn't exercise.

I lost 9.6 pounds.

9.6 pounds

In ONE WEEK!!!!!!

So I am super pumped.
Been to the gym every day this week. 45 min on the elliptical plus strength training. I dread going to the gym, I hate it while I'm there, and I'm sore in places I didn't know could be sore, but every time I push through to the end of a workout I am so proud of myself...and that's all that matters, because I'm finally just  doing this for me. Maybe that's why it's working.

Still eating the same as last week.
I'm interested to see if i will have 2 big losses in a row.

Oh! I also took on the Burpee challenge at the urging of a friend. Started with one burpee the first day, and add one more each day for 100 days.

So here's the best part of all this...I FEEL good. I feel confident. Well, more than usual. I'm proud of myself for not quitting and for not listening to the voices in my head that tell me i don't deserve this and that i can't do it.

I'll check back in next week!
Hugs,
K

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

I didn’t go to Weight Watchers last night. Things are a bit crazy at my house right now.

Brian’s surgery added to the normal chaos at the Williams home is just a bit much. Anyway, Izzy was terribly sweet and volunteered to cook dinner so I stayed home and helped her.

I’m kinda bummed. I’m not sure that it has much to do with my weight loss (or lack thereof). It’s like I just can’t get settled. I feel uneasy, unsettled, un-okay.

It will pass. Always does. Right now I just don’t feel “right.”

So anyway, I didn’t lose any weight this week...which stinks SO badly.

I have to take eating seriously. I think I still believe that I can eat what I want “just this once” and look the way I dream about looking. If “Just this once” was only ONCE, it would be FINE, but I have a “just this once” moment several times a day.

Wow, how much does THAT sound like my spiritual life?!?!?!

More times than I can mention, I have had “Just this once” moments in all sorts of areas. Just this one lie, just this one half-truth, just this one compromise, missing my quiet time “just this once” or not obeying God’s prompting to reach out to someone who is hurting… my spiritual life is crippled by my half-commitment and compromise. AND just like “Just this once” results in a less than desirable weight watcher journey, my spiritual life isn’t want I want it to be if I “cheat” on the program.

I’ve got to get it together. I do know that much!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also know that life is hard. Things come up that break ya down. Things happen that make dieting hard…and things happen that make life hard.

So I’ve got to get it together. I know that these “just this once” moments, undermine my goals. Separately, they aren’t anything that would catch my attention. A hand full of chips here, skipping Quiet time there, not getting enough sleep, letting the laundry pile up, not exercising… nut together it all adds up to a big messy me.

That’s all I have for this week. More of the same I guess. One day I’m going to be one of those people who is completely in control of my cravings and desires. One day I am going to be that girl who says “I only drink water”; “I don’t like Chocolate”; “I HAVE to keep my house clean” and “I love the gym.” I’m not there yet, and I don’t expect to be there next Wednesday, but MAYBE I can stop believing the “Just this once won’t hurt” lie and body (and my life) will start looking more like I want it to.

 Til next week!

Kw