I give a lot of power to my thoughts and feelings. This is my downfall, if you want to call it that. I over analyze every thought and feeling and easily frighten myself with the "what ifs."
Perry has taught me to look at the "What Ifs" and answer them from the perspective of faith. What did Daniel say when threatened to be burned alive?
If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up. Daniel 3:17-18 (NIV)
Yes, God CAN deliver me from this torture that is my mind...but He may not...and if He does not, I will do my best to bring Him glory in the struggle.
Perry reminded me that it's easy to give God glory AFTER a dark season. Anyone can do that. We show the world our FAITH, our TRUST, and our OBEDIENCE to God as we travel through the valley. NOW is my opportunity to be used by God. NOW is my opportunity to build my testimony and witness. NOW is the time to live out my faith.
It's all perspective.
When I am focused on myself, I am sad, depressed, wishing that things would change. When I am focused on myself, I feel cheated, like things aren't fair, and that I deserve more. When I am focused on myself, I want to find someone to blame for where I am, I worry about my future, and embrace darkness.
When I focus on others, I feel insignificant, weak, and out of place. When I compare myself to other women, I come up short because there is always someone prettier, sweeter, more helpful, happier, more self-assured, and smarter than I am. When I focus on others, I feel that my life is lacking ... I want what I don't have...and there is ALWAYS more to want.
When I turn my thoughts toward heaven, and the hope I have through Jesus Christ, my mood lifts. When I focus on Christ, I have hope, purpose, and meaning. When I focus on Christ, I have peace. I am comforted by stories of God's faithfulness in Scripture and the memories of how HE has walked with me thus far. When I focus on Christ, I am reminded of the value I have as a Child of God. When I focus on God, I realize that I am part of a story much bigger than myself. When I focus on God's Word, I am comforted in knowing that HE has a plan and a purpose for me and my life. He has numbered my days perfectly to accomplish what HE desires to accomplish through me.
I so easily forget that this life simply isn't about me. There are people God puts in my life every day who need to know that God loves them, that this life isn't all there is, and that there is hope in Christ. Life is hard. I am comforted knowing that, because of Christ, my worst days here are as bad as I will ever experience, because I have Heaven to look forward to.
Others need that hope.
Every "bad" thing that has happened in my life has opened the door for me to relate to someone who needs to know Christ. Every struggle has added to my testimony. Every dark night has added depth to my story. That story is, and always has been, the story of Christ's endless pursuit of my heart. When I consider the lengths He has gone to in order to win my love, I am left breathless.
I have said many times that I cannot WAIT to hear "Well done Kristyanna, welcome home."
It strikes me that if I end my life, I will have to stand before God and tell Him that the life He gave me wasn't good enough, that I didn't like the story He gave me. I'd have to tell Him that He didn't do enough. I cannot imagine looking at Christ who gave His life for me and saying these things...but ending my life would say just that.
I'm okay. I can trust myself even when I'm NOT okay, because this life is not just about me. God has a plan and a purpose,
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose Romans 8:28 (NIV)
So I can finally say that I am okay. I really am. I am excited to see how God will use this valley. I hope that He allows me to witness Him work through it.
Much Love and Big hugs!!!
K
- What if I'm not strong enough to fight the desire to die today?
- What if this darkness doesn't go away?
- What if I feel this way forever?
- What if I'm always this broken?
- What if I really am crazy?
Perry has taught me to look at the "What Ifs" and answer them from the perspective of faith. What did Daniel say when threatened to be burned alive?
If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up. Daniel 3:17-18 (NIV)
Yes, God CAN deliver me from this torture that is my mind...but He may not...and if He does not, I will do my best to bring Him glory in the struggle.
Perry reminded me that it's easy to give God glory AFTER a dark season. Anyone can do that. We show the world our FAITH, our TRUST, and our OBEDIENCE to God as we travel through the valley. NOW is my opportunity to be used by God. NOW is my opportunity to build my testimony and witness. NOW is the time to live out my faith.
It's all perspective.
When I am focused on myself, I am sad, depressed, wishing that things would change. When I am focused on myself, I feel cheated, like things aren't fair, and that I deserve more. When I am focused on myself, I want to find someone to blame for where I am, I worry about my future, and embrace darkness.
When I focus on others, I feel insignificant, weak, and out of place. When I compare myself to other women, I come up short because there is always someone prettier, sweeter, more helpful, happier, more self-assured, and smarter than I am. When I focus on others, I feel that my life is lacking ... I want what I don't have...and there is ALWAYS more to want.
When I turn my thoughts toward heaven, and the hope I have through Jesus Christ, my mood lifts. When I focus on Christ, I have hope, purpose, and meaning. When I focus on Christ, I have peace. I am comforted by stories of God's faithfulness in Scripture and the memories of how HE has walked with me thus far. When I focus on Christ, I am reminded of the value I have as a Child of God. When I focus on God, I realize that I am part of a story much bigger than myself. When I focus on God's Word, I am comforted in knowing that HE has a plan and a purpose for me and my life. He has numbered my days perfectly to accomplish what HE desires to accomplish through me.
I so easily forget that this life simply isn't about me. There are people God puts in my life every day who need to know that God loves them, that this life isn't all there is, and that there is hope in Christ. Life is hard. I am comforted knowing that, because of Christ, my worst days here are as bad as I will ever experience, because I have Heaven to look forward to.
Others need that hope.
Every "bad" thing that has happened in my life has opened the door for me to relate to someone who needs to know Christ. Every struggle has added to my testimony. Every dark night has added depth to my story. That story is, and always has been, the story of Christ's endless pursuit of my heart. When I consider the lengths He has gone to in order to win my love, I am left breathless.
I have said many times that I cannot WAIT to hear "Well done Kristyanna, welcome home."
It strikes me that if I end my life, I will have to stand before God and tell Him that the life He gave me wasn't good enough, that I didn't like the story He gave me. I'd have to tell Him that He didn't do enough. I cannot imagine looking at Christ who gave His life for me and saying these things...but ending my life would say just that.
I'm okay. I can trust myself even when I'm NOT okay, because this life is not just about me. God has a plan and a purpose,
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose Romans 8:28 (NIV)
Much Love and Big hugs!!!
K
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