Only He Remains

It's Easter week.

 

As I am writing this, looking back on Palm Sunday and forward to Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and, finally Easter Sunday, I know that I should be totally consumed with my Savior.  Normally, it is easy for me to focus on His life, His death, and His resurrection and all that they mean to my life. This year I am distracted. I know that this distraction is an attack from Satan.

 

What's crazy is that I do not feel "under attack" in the usual sense of the word. I do not feel overwhelming anxiety. I do not seem to have any monstrous obstacles looming in the future. I do not feel oppressed or overwhelmed. I don't feel despair or sadness or loss or longing. I'm just distracted.  Rather than reflecting on Christ's life and the sacrifice He made for me, all sorts of things are running through my mind. A conversation with my daughter keeps replaying in my head. A song I heard on the radio plays over and over in my mind. Conversations with friends over the weekend, upcoming events at church, reports due later this week at work, my son's first prom, my daughter's 10th birthday, I want to learn to play the piano, I need a haircut...  I can't seem to control my swirling, whirling, wandering thoughts. Rather than spending time meditating on my Savior, my life since I've known Him, and my future with him,  my thoughts feel more like this:

 

 

Lots of nice, pleasant, happy thoughts all mixed up together.

 

I am aggravated that I failed to see Satan slip into my thoughts. He is so stinkin sneaky. He doesn't always bombard me with tragedy. I learned (or was reminded) today that Satan's best attacks on me go unnoticed at first. His best attack it to distract me with harmless (even good) thoughts or deeds so that I am not focused on My Savior. Once I am distracted, Satan can easily plant more destructive thoughts in my head, and before I realize it, I am in the pit of despair.

 

I am not sure that I have ever caught him so early in an attack. Normally, I am sliding into despair or panic when I realize "Oh! This is Satan working on me".

 

I am so thankful that my sweet Savior pressed me and reminded me that my thoughts should be focused on Him. I am overwhelmed that He loves me enough to whisper to my heart. I am grateful that He calls me back to Himself. I am overwhelmed that He keeps drawing my wandering soul back to His side. THAT is what I needed to remember. That is what I needed to settle my thoughts. When I remember His unfathomable, completely undeserved love for me, everything else falls away and only He remains.





Let It Go

Let it go, Let it go...

That little song from Frozen rings in the ears of many parents even now. Too many YouTube videos have been posted of off-key toddlers belting out the chorus at the top of their little lungs. There is something about the message of the song that strikes a chord in me and I am not embarrassed to admit it.

 

Okay, I'm a little embarrassed.

 

But the song is not the point of this post.

I never cease to be amazed a the number if women in my life who are haunted, even tortured, by their past. Some are full of guilt and shame for things they have done. Others are full of shame, anger, resentment, and unforgiveness for things others have done to them. In either case, Satan uses their past to control their present and predict their future.

 

There are things in our lives that will never be made right this side of heaven. There are things in all of our pasts that are just wrong, and, until we get to heaven, their memories are going to cause us pain. But what do you do about the things you can't "fix"? What do you do about the hurt in your past that rips your heart out every time you think of it?

 

You Let It Go.

 

Just the other day, one sweet lady asked me, "But HOW do you just let it go?". How do you just "let go" and move on? HOW do you let go of the hurt? How do you let go of the anger? HOW do you just let go like everything is okay?

 

You can't...But GOD Can

 

Here's what I KNOW...

When I am focused on God and what HE is doing in me and through me, I am not concerned about my past. When I am searching for ways to serve God and share His love, I am not concerned about my past. When I am totally and completely focused on Christ, the things that "normally" keep me all knotted up with negative emotions don't even cross my mind. And I know that Satan hates that. Satan slips around looking for one weak spot, one moment where I am focused on me instead of God, and when he finds it, he takes the opportunity to remind me of all the things that once held me captive.

 

It's a constant battle.

 

My natural tendency is to focus on me. God calls me to focus on HIM...not because He wants to steal my fun, but because He knows better than any of us how Satan works. God knows that HE can protect me from Satan's schemes if I am totally focused on HIM instead of myself. It's quite magical actually. When I am focused and totally sold out to Christ, when I am absolutely 100% following God, when the thing I desire MOST is God, the things from my past that have kept me in bondage are simply no longer an issue. The circumstances from my past don't change, but they lose their hold on me.

 

"Let Go and Let God"

 

You loosen the death grip you have on whatever it is that is causing you pain and you let God take it from you and  heal your wounds. You CHOOSE to follow hard after God in spite of, even BECAUSE of, your hurt, anger, bitterness, resentment, and pain. It's a heart issue. You have to DESIRE God more than revenge, more than justice, more that "making it right", more than an apology, more than that person or thing you lost.

 

When given the choice between your past and God, you CHOOSE God.

 

THAT's really how you get past your past. You take a stand and make a decision and choose God over all those negative things in your past. Choose God over your guilt. Choose God over your anger. Choose God over your resentment. Choose God over the person who hurt you. Choose God over revenge. Choose God over "making it right". Choose God over "justice". Choose God over...everything. Even your hurt.

 

Its bad enough that whatever happened to you happened in the first place, but it is an absolute tragedy for that thing to keep you in bondage for the rest of your life!

 

Let...it....go

 

 

 

 

Affirmation

In just a few short months, I've realized that I like me. I've made peace with my inner-nerd. I'm okay with the fact that I hate to shop and I've stopped trying to make myself enjoy it. I like peace and quiet. I enjoy being alone. I'm making progress, but there is one specific thing that has held me back.

Years ago, I had to see a neurologist for migraines. In the process of working on my migraines, he asked what I was taking for my ADD/OCD. I was (sort of) shocked and told him that I've never been diagnosed with either and he said that it was obvious that I had both. That's a post for another day. In the process of dealing with this neurologist, I asked a friend if there was anything else that I should mention to him while he is diagnosing me with all sorts of crazy things. She said:

 

"You need to talk to him about your super-spiritual, unrealistic view of God."

 

I know I've mentioned this conversation several times over the past few years. I'm not sure exactly what prompted her comment, but I do know that at that time I was completely submitted to God and His will for my life. I was recovering from my first bout with cancer and was absolutely solid in my willingness to do whatever I could to bring God glory in the midst of my trial. I KNEW that God would allow whatever brought HIM the most glory. I was eager to be part of His plan...and I told whoever would listen.

 

However, since she told me this, I've tried to contain my "super-spirituality" in order to protect myself from ever feeling that pain and rejection again. I've learned to stop myself before I explain how any given situation is an example of God's or Satan's influence in the world we live in. I learned project a more "realistic" view of God, even though it's not MY view of God. I've protected myself from comments like "no one thinks that way" and I suppose that's saved me some heartache, but I absolutely hate it. I hate trying to control my reactions to what I clearly see God doing. I hate biting my tongue to avoid the blank stare from someone who doesn't see the connection between what they just told me and what I am telling them about God.

 

Since I started this journey, I have battled with this more than anything else. This is not who I am. Over the past month, I have struggled terribly. I've not been able  to control the "old me" who saw everything as "from God" or "from Satan". I've had difficulty refraining from turning any given situation into a Sunday School lesson (or blog post). I've not been able to hide my surprise when others do not see God working in their circumstances. As a result, I've pulled away from people who I feel could assume that my "super spiritual" attitude is "unrealistic".
 

I asked God to help me sort it out.
 

Sunday, The hubs' sermon title was "In Search of.....Purpose". I won't go into detail, but God said a few things to me thru him. First off, according to scripture, our ONLY purpose is to bring God glory. We are created to be submitted to HIM and used by Him to bring glory to Himself. He said that we will never find our purpose outside serving God and bringing Him glory.
 

I had it right before.
 

No wonder I have been struggling! My "super-spiritual" view of God is spot on! I am not flawed in my thinking. My purpose is to bring God Glory.

 

I'm not going to let her opinion of my spiritual life influence who I am any longer. I am looking forward to loosing the restraints I've put in place and becoming more of the "super-spiritual, unrealistic" woman God created me to be.

 Making progress!