If you are familiar at all with ITB, you know that I have been dealing with depression for quite some time. I have said many times that I am thankful for my doctors who prescribe meds to keep me functional and for my therapist who helps me sort through things. Let me say this again, I believe that these are needed and necessary.
At the same time, I wholeheartedly believe that there is a spirit of depression attached to me, or attacking me if you want to think about it that way, and that this spirit is wreaking havoc on my life. This is only one of the spirits that I believe are attacking me, but will name depression since this has stolen so much of my life from me over the past few years.
I realized today that I have given Depression much power. I have spoken life into it. I have given enough and lost enough to Depression. Before I go on, I am not going to stop taking my meds or seeing my therapist. I may be crazy, but I'm not that crazy.
I am not going to do this any longer. Here's why...
I love God and I want to serve Jesus but I have not lived anything close to a perfect life and I know that nothing less than perfect can be with God. Because I am far, far from perfect, I have no hope on my own of being in the presence of God. My ONLY option on my own merit is hell, separated from God for all eternity.
I believe that Jesus is the Son of God. I believe that He lived a perfect life; that He never sinned. I believe that Jesus died to save my wretched soul. I believe that Jesus paid the penalty for my sin so that I will be able to spend eternity in Heaven. I believe that Scripture is absolutely true and that when it says "Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved" (Acts 13:31) that means me (and you).
I believe that God loves me and has a plan and a purpose for my life. I believe that God's ways are absolutely perfect, as is His timing. I believe that everything about God is perfect. I believe that His ways are not mine and that I do NOT have to understand what God is doing in order for Him to work in and through me. I only have to submit to Him, trust Him, and follow Him.
I believe that God delivered me from cancer not once, but twice. I believe that God kept from losing Brian when I was pregnant with him. I believe that God gave me the ability to paint. I believe that God gave me the ability to put my thoughts in print. I believe that God healed me when I nearly died after having my gall bladder removed. I believe that God stopped my arms from bleeding when I tried to take my life. I believe that God delivered me from Anorexia and Bulimia. I believe that God is the most powerful, period, the end. He is.
That being said, I believe that what ever spirit is attacking me at any given time, be it something as simple laziness or as strong as suicide, is of no consequence. No matter how powerful any spirit wants me to think it is, or how powerful it actually is, it doesn't matter. God is more. More powerful. More present. Bigger. More knowing. More aware. More. God is just MORE.
My God parted the Red Sea, Delivered Daniel from the lions, saved Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego from the fiery furnace, fed 5,000, and so many many other things. HE can deliver me from any spirits Satan tries to use to steal my joy, kill my spirit, and destroy my witness. I need not worry about my tormentors. They are already defeated.
I will leave you with the words of wisdom from Junior Asparagus,
"God is bigger than the Boogie Man."
Much Love and BIG BIG BIG hugs,
K
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