Things I learned in the Tattoo shop- Part 1

I got my survivor tattoo Friday night. I love it. I drew it, and it is amazing...not because I drew it, but because it is totally and completely mine... but that's a post for another day.

I had to wait for about an hour before the girl doing my tattoo could get to me and, while I was waiting, I was struck by how very out of place I felt. Not one person in the entire place was dressed like me. My hair and make up were completely different from everyone else's. They played music I'd never heard. They talked differently than I do...they used words I'm not comfortable with...words that are neither part of my vocabulary nor the vocabulary of anyone I normally talk to. Aside from their choice of adjectives, they talked candidly about things I do not discuss with...well, anyone and about other things that I am only vaguely familiar with.

I mean, I was in THEIR place. I didn't expect them to change the music. (Although I HONESTLY did not know that a song could contain so many expletives.) I didn't expect them to change their speech to make me comfortable; I realize that not everyone talks like me. The way they were dressed was pretty much what I expected, as were their hairstyles, tattoos, piercings, and make up. I mean... I was in a tattoo shop. None of that bothered me much.  No, what made me feel terribly self conscious and very much like I did not belong (and not only did I not belong, but that they did not care if I stayed or if I left) had nothing to do with any of these things.

They made me feel...awkward. (and not in my usual "I'm such an awkward person" kinda way.) They looked through me. They talked around me. They didn't make eye contact with me. If I asked a question, I only got the most basic answer. Any attempt I made at conversation was futile. I REALLY felt like they would rather I leave. (Which I'm sure is not the case.) They seemed to feel uncomfortable around ME and trying to talk to them only seemed to make that worse.

I was totally an outsider. 

All this made me stop and wonder, "Is this how one of them (the folks working and hanging out at the tattoo shop) would feel if he or she came to my church?" I would hope not, but I can see where it might be the case... sadly, most likely WOULD be the case. 

A friend (who has lots of ink) told me once,  "I was so moved during the worship service this morning. I had my hands raised and tears running down my face... and the old ladies were lookin' at me like I'm gonna blow the place up or something." 

This was not at my church, but that doesn't matter...it could be any church on any Sunday morning.

I have rolled it around in my head for several days now and I want so MUCH to be able to put words to what I am feeling.

We (church folks) spend a lot of time and effort trying to figure out how to make "the unchurched" feel welcome in our churches. We change the music. We change the lighting. We wear jeans. We try not to use so many "churchy" words. 

I think we are missing something very important. (and harder to change)

After my experience at the tattoo shop, I believe that it isn't the music, the language, differences in dress, hair, make up, etc. that make "Unchurched" people feel uncomfortable.

It's US.

We do the SAME thing to people who do not fit our traditional idea of what a Christian looks like that the folks in the tattoo shop did to me.

We look through them. 

We talk around them.

We answer their questions in the most basic way possible.

WE feel uncomfortable...and it shows.

What if, instead of being uncomfortable because I am focused on how someone isn't like me, I acted more like this:

• Hi! I'm Kris. So glad you're here this morning! Is this your first time here? Well, you need to know a few things: the Restrooms are down the hall to the right, the preschool department is down the hall to the left. That's Mr. Robert...He'll start snoring during the sermon, so don't let that startle you.

• How old is your daughter? Would you like to see what the kids do on Sunday Mornings? Here, I'll take you upstairs and show you where the kids have their worship time. Sure, you can stay in there with her if you think that will make her feel more comfortable. I'll stay too if you want.

• Several of us are going to eat, would you like to join us?

I don't think the music or the color of the carpet or the pews or the way the preacher dresses would matter much to "unchurched" people... if we just loved them. People are hurting. We all fight all day every day to...well, to just get through the day.

What if  "church"  was the one place you felt absolutely loved and accepted? What if "church people" were the ones you could count on to encourage you, cheer you on, support you, cry with you, be NICE to you?

All I know for sure is this, as long as I am in church I will do my best to make sure that anyone who comes through our doors feels welcome, accepted, and loved.

I'm gonna love them and leave it to God to change what HE thinks needs changin.

(don't get all huffy and think I'm saying that we should condone sin. I'm not. Only saying that I'm not going to worry about other people's sin so much. Goodness knows I have enough of my own to deal with.)

Much love and BIG hugs!

K