Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

I didn’t go to Weight Watchers last night. Things are a bit crazy at my house right now.

Brian’s surgery added to the normal chaos at the Williams home is just a bit much. Anyway, Izzy was terribly sweet and volunteered to cook dinner so I stayed home and helped her.

I’m kinda bummed. I’m not sure that it has much to do with my weight loss (or lack thereof). It’s like I just can’t get settled. I feel uneasy, unsettled, un-okay.

It will pass. Always does. Right now I just don’t feel “right.”

So anyway, I didn’t lose any weight this week...which stinks SO badly.

I have to take eating seriously. I think I still believe that I can eat what I want “just this once” and look the way I dream about looking. If “Just this once” was only ONCE, it would be FINE, but I have a “just this once” moment several times a day.

Wow, how much does THAT sound like my spiritual life?!?!?!

More times than I can mention, I have had “Just this once” moments in all sorts of areas. Just this one lie, just this one half-truth, just this one compromise, missing my quiet time “just this once” or not obeying God’s prompting to reach out to someone who is hurting… my spiritual life is crippled by my half-commitment and compromise. AND just like “Just this once” results in a less than desirable weight watcher journey, my spiritual life isn’t want I want it to be if I “cheat” on the program.

I’ve got to get it together. I do know that much!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also know that life is hard. Things come up that break ya down. Things happen that make dieting hard…and things happen that make life hard.

So I’ve got to get it together. I know that these “just this once” moments, undermine my goals. Separately, they aren’t anything that would catch my attention. A hand full of chips here, skipping Quiet time there, not getting enough sleep, letting the laundry pile up, not exercising… nut together it all adds up to a big messy me.

That’s all I have for this week. More of the same I guess. One day I’m going to be one of those people who is completely in control of my cravings and desires. One day I am going to be that girl who says “I only drink water”; “I don’t like Chocolate”; “I HAVE to keep my house clean” and “I love the gym.” I’m not there yet, and I don’t expect to be there next Wednesday, but MAYBE I can stop believing the “Just this once won’t hurt” lie and body (and my life) will start looking more like I want it to.

 Til next week!

Kw

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

I just can't wait til Wednesday....

Woo Hoo! Back on track! Lost a pound this week. Granted, I’d like to have lost 2 or 3, but considering all the stress I’ve been under, I am super over the top excited to have lost one!

Now, the biggest obstacle I have right now is the gym. UGH! SOOOOOOO intimidating for a fat chick. I am not so prideful as to think that anyone in the gym actually pays attention to me…it’s not that. It’s ME…MY mind constantly comparing myself to others. And yes I know, the ONLY way to get from where I am to where they are is to GO TO THE GYM. I get it. I do. Really. It just STINKS right now.

But I know that working out will jump start my weight loss and will help me have a body I actually LIKE when this weight DOES finally come off.

SO, the goal for the rest of this week….work out.

I’ll let ya know how it goes….

On to other things…

I have been so obsessed with this whole weight loss thing that I forgot how full and rich my life is. A total random encounter reminded me that I am BLESSED. Someone saw the article about me and Doc Schweinfurth on my Instagram and let me know that he thought that I have a good story.

Know what? I DO have a GREAT story! It is soooo easy to get bogged down in…well, in life. Things are really stressful right now and it is easy to focus on those things causing my chest to ache all day. Thing is, I KNOW that this season will pass and I will likely forget how I feel today.

When things aren’t going the way I’d like, it is beneficial for me to stop and remember the many ways God has delivered me in the past. Not only do I have all the stories from Scripture to claim, but He has delivered ME personally on many occasions! Time and time again He works things out for my good. Time and time again, He restores me, refines me, and refreshes my soul. He has walked with me through the valley more times than I like, but He never made me walk alone. Since I’ve known and followed Him, I have never been alone. He has always guided and directed me.

Anyway, I want to try and get back in the groove of sharing who I am and what God is doing in me more often. I don’t want to just write about whether or not I feel like I lost enough weight each week! Haha That’s just now what I’m about. It was soooo much easier to share my heart when I was sick. It is easy to be transparent about cancer and all the emotions that come with it. The daily stuff…the stuff that regularly kicks me in the teeth…that stuff is harder to write about. I suppose that’s Satan’s way of keeping me quiet because not everyone has cancer…but everyone has bad days, more month than money, and more laundry than time. Everyone loses their temper, fails to control their tongue, and finds themselves doing the very thing they said they never would. 

Life is hard, but God is GOOD and my life is such a beautiful picture of this.

Today, thinking back over my life, Genesis 50:20 comes to mind:

As for you, you meant evil against me, but GOD meant it for GOOD, in order to bring about this present result, the saving of many lives.

Not sure that many lives will be saved because of my story, but I do know that the things that were meant to break me and cripple me and turn me into someone filled with hate and anger and bitterness only drew me closer to my Savior, softened my heart toward those who need the healing touch of Jesus and helped me to see God’s hand at work in my life and in the lives of those I love. So, I totally claim “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for GOOD” because I am BETTER for all the heartache, all the pain, all the struggle. God grew me through the hard times and I am so thankful for them!

Hugs to you!

K

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

It was bound to happen. I THINK I wrote about it last week, but I didn’t go back and look.

So, last week I bombed. It happens. Part of it is hormonal. I get that. There is something else that happens too and I can’t figure out how to defeat it. It’s like as soon as I see a significant dip in the scale, I become ravenously hungry. I binge. Every time. That was last week.

As I said, some of it is hormonal. So when I weigh in next week, I will have lost some water weight and “bloat”. BUT I am gonna really have to step up my game to recover and get back on track because

I GAINED 3 POUNDS!

THREE POUNDS!!!

IN ONE WEEK!!!!!

My MERCY! Who DOES that?

Me, that’s who.

Now, normally this is where I would call it quits, throw in the towel and drown my sorrows in some chips and dip. I’m not going to do that this time.

I am going to buckle back down with my eating.

I am going to the gym starting today.

I am going back to a goal of 80 oz of water a day.

I am going to get serious about sleep…go to bed earlier and get up earlier.

I am going to count my points like I’m supposed to instead of guessing.

I know I can do this. People lose weight and get in shape all the time. I have to gain control.

We’ll see how it turns out next week.

I am hoping to lose the 3 I gained and 2-4 more. Probably not gonna happen…but we’ll see.

Till next week!

K

On my Firstborn's 18th Birthday

Today Brian is 18. For 18 years, he’s been mine. I’ve heard “we only have them for a little while” since he was a baby. Today the reality of this simple phrase hits home. He is a legal adult. In less than 2 months he will graduate High School. This summer he will be on his own, 800 miles away from us.

I have friends who cried for months when their children turned 18, but I’m not. I’m excited for him and what life holds for him.

I mean, he’s never really been mine. Oh my goodness I love him so much it hurts, but this boy has always been God’s - on loan to me until he could take care of himself. Now that time is rapidly approaching and he will do what he’s always said he’d do and his desire to leave us this summer is no surprise.

He’s ready. He doesn’t keep his room clean or cook and is prone to oversleep. But what he needs, he has: a deep love for the Lord and a strong sense of accountability to God. He is going to be just fine apart from us, because he never really answered to us anyway. He has always answered to God. While our ideas about what he should and shouldn’t do might change over time, he has never wavered in anything that really mattered. I know that’s because he knows that it is more important to please God with is life than it is to please his parents.

He is a gift. This boy has brought me more joy than I ever imagined possible. Watching him grow into a man has been the single greatest experience of my life to date. He is everything I wish I’d been. In many ways, he’s who I’d like to be now. He is good, kind, thoughtful, and gracious. He is humble, brave, courageous and strong. He loves the Lord and His life shows that more vividly than any other person I know. I know him. I see him at his best and worst and can honestly say that Jesus oozes out of him.

God has always had His hand on Brian. Since he was a little boy, he has been God’s. I don’t know how to explain this other than to say that Brian is just different, set apart…like God’s hand is on him, guiding him, directing him and protecting him from the things that can harm his witness. I don’t know that he will always be safe from harm or that he will live to a ripe old age. I don’t know if he will marry or have children. I do know this… until he gets to heaven, he will do everything he can to share Christ with those God puts in his path.

I feel like I’ve had this amazing guy all to myself for 18 years and now I get to watch God use him “out there” in the world. I am thankful, truly thankful that God trusted me enough to let me be Brian’s mom. I am so proud of the man he has become. I love who he is. I am honored to be his mom and I can’t wait to see what God is going to do in and through him.

Brian’s okay. He’s ready. He knows who he serves and who he answers to. I don’t have to defend him or tell people what a strong Christian he is. There is no “but” with him. There is no “Brian loves Jesus but…” or “Brian is a good kid but…” or “Brian is respectful but…” or “Brian tries, but…”  No, he isn’t perfect, and yes, I think he’s close. I just see Christ in Him. Nothing is greater than this. He is amazing, not because of anything he’s done on his own or because of anything we’ve done as parents, but because his life is submitted to Christ.

So, He’s 18. I’ll have him to myself for a few more months, but in my heart I am already letting him go.

After all, this is what we raised him for.

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

Yes, I know it is THURSDAY!
How did I miss posting this Wednesday?
I guess I'm crazy now that I have decreased my sugar intake so drastically!

Nah, just got a little busy. Wednesday was my 20 year Anniversary! 20 years with the preacher...wow...time sure flies. We went to lunch and it was REALLY nice to have him all to myself for a little while.

Anyway...

I was really anxious about weigh in this week. I stayed within my points, but did not eat as smartly as I did the first week.

Even so, I lost 1.4 pounds!

That makes 6.6 pounds total!  Closing in on 10!!! 12.6 is 5% of my beginning weight.

This week is proving a bit more difficult. I have PMS munchies, went to lunch with the hubs for our anniversary yesterday AND had a Cadbury creme egg after church last night. I am thinking that next week's weigh in will be disappointing.

I am not giving up tho. 

I'm going home for lunch today and will eat some green veggies. Planning on keeping my meals pretty green for the rest of the week.

Going to the gym Friday, Saturday and Sunday to burn some extra calories.

We'll see if i can make up for yesterday's fail.

Thing is, if i am going to use this as my "life change"...if i am going to eat this way forever, i WILL have days when things just don't work. Stress, PMS, Fatigue, holidays and celebrations are all part of life and i need to learn how to enjoy them without totally falling back into my poor eating habits.

My GOAL is to become a lifetime Weight Watchers member. I think i have to reach my goal weight and stay within 2 pounds of it for some period of time. Then i no longer have to pay for weight watchers so long as I stay within so many points of my goal weight.
MY personal goal weight is 150 lbs. Not sure what they consider my goal weight.

My stomach is not so bloated and my pants are starting to fit a little better. Not any monumental changes...yet.

I want to be able to comfortably wear shorts this summer. (Not short shorts)
Honestly, I just want to be COMFORTABLE with my body, what ever size that ends up being!

Til next week...
K

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

So, Weight Watchers may be my thing!

I am not a big fan of the meetings, but they are tolerable. I DO like the accountability of having to weigh in.

The food part is pretty easy so far. Most Veggies and Fruits are zero points, so I am set there! I’ve got the Weight Watchers Ap and can use it to quickly figure out how many points anything is worth… and decide if it is worth eating. I have had some things that I typically wouldn’t think of eating on a “diet”, but compensated for the points by eating things with few (or no) points the rest of the day. I went to the gym on Saturday too. Rode the stationary bike for half of forever. Actually an hour, but it felt longer than that. Still, burned some extra calories.

ANNNNNNNNND the best part is, I lost 5.2 pounds last week!

5.2 pounds!

So, I am gonna keep on keepin on and see how things work out next week at weigh in.

Going to try and get to the gym twice this week and drink more water.

I feel good. Really good. I am excited. This just may work!

Until next week…

K