Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

Yeah, so I broke down and joined Weight Watchers. Well, I didn’t actually break down. CC texted me and said she was going, so I just met her there. Nothing else is working.

Monday is weigh in day and this week I weighed on at 252. Makes me sick. Now, by the scales at home, I’m down to 244 this morning. I can’t imagine that this will match up with the scales at WW on Monday night. I will weigh on Monday at home and see how that compares to the scales at WW on Monday night.

This week I am supposed to settle on my “why” so that I can have a clear idea of why I am doing this. It’s easy to start something, I know this to be true. It is harder to stick with something once the “new” has worn off. Like I said, nothing else is working. I’ve been halfheartedly fighting this battle for years. I’m tired of it. I'm too old to do shakes and pills and teas and all the other stuff. I'm not doing it to lose a few vanity pounds or so that I can look good. I just want to be a healthy weight and not stress over food all the time.

So, I guess the biggest “why” is that I am tired of this. I am tired of looking for the new next best thing to lose weight. I am tired of being fat. I am tired of being insecure about the way my clothes fit. I am tired of being limited in what I can wear. (Just because they make it in your size doesn’t mean you should wear it, ya know?) I am tired of wishing that I was thin. I am tired of thinking that “one day” I will be.

My outside just doesn’t match my inside. Even after being this size for so long, I am amazed when I look in the mirror. I still don’t recognize this body.

I’m going to give WW 3 months. I expect that it will work and I will stick with it after that. I mean, WW has been around since…well…longer than me. I know more people who have adopted the WW way of eating for life. I hope that’s what I can do.