Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

Yeah, so I broke down and joined Weight Watchers. Well, I didn’t actually break down. CC texted me and said she was going, so I just met her there. Nothing else is working.

Monday is weigh in day and this week I weighed on at 252. Makes me sick. Now, by the scales at home, I’m down to 244 this morning. I can’t imagine that this will match up with the scales at WW on Monday night. I will weigh on Monday at home and see how that compares to the scales at WW on Monday night.

This week I am supposed to settle on my “why” so that I can have a clear idea of why I am doing this. It’s easy to start something, I know this to be true. It is harder to stick with something once the “new” has worn off. Like I said, nothing else is working. I’ve been halfheartedly fighting this battle for years. I’m tired of it. I'm too old to do shakes and pills and teas and all the other stuff. I'm not doing it to lose a few vanity pounds or so that I can look good. I just want to be a healthy weight and not stress over food all the time.

So, I guess the biggest “why” is that I am tired of this. I am tired of looking for the new next best thing to lose weight. I am tired of being fat. I am tired of being insecure about the way my clothes fit. I am tired of being limited in what I can wear. (Just because they make it in your size doesn’t mean you should wear it, ya know?) I am tired of wishing that I was thin. I am tired of thinking that “one day” I will be.

My outside just doesn’t match my inside. Even after being this size for so long, I am amazed when I look in the mirror. I still don’t recognize this body.

I’m going to give WW 3 months. I expect that it will work and I will stick with it after that. I mean, WW has been around since…well…longer than me. I know more people who have adopted the WW way of eating for life. I hope that’s what I can do.

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

Had the Flu last week.
That really wasn't much fun.
Since i wrote last, I'd gained to 255.
Today i weighed in at a flat 250.
So, I'm hopeful.

A dear friend of mine, who hasn't even seen her 40th birthday, had a stroke last week. A minor stroke, but a stroke none-the-less. This caught my attention. She is overweight and diabetic. Now she's had a stroke.

So, yesterday I went to the gym. Rode the stationary bike - only because i still have this terrible cough post Flu (am going to the Dr to see about that today) and didn't want to have a coughing fit.

Can't gym today because i have to get to church, but will be there again tomorrow. Maybe i could do something at home tonight... that's a thought.

I am seriously considering Intermittent Fasting again. It worked well for me before. I think it works because it cuts out my mindless snacking and soda-drinking.

I could fast for 16 hours / eat for 8 and it wouldn't interfere with much of anything really. I could actually fast 18-20 hours most days and call it "fasting" when in reality I'd just be giving up snacking and soft drinks! ha!

So, here's the plan (nothing else has clicked, might as well start over again)
IF (Intermittent Fasting) 16-18 hours a day
Gym M T T F Sa
Up H2O intake to 80 oz a day

If you haven't already figured this out...my heart really isn't in this. I KNOW i need to lose weight, not for vanity, but for my actual HEALTH. It might be easier if it WAS for vanity.

Maybe if i could lose 20 pounds i'd be encouraged. Who knows. It seems like an impossible task to lose 80 pounds.

Anyway, weighing in at 250 today.
Starting IF, going to the gym, and upping water consumption.

See ya next week!
K

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

Self-Sabotage

“Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors are procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting. These acts may seem helpful in the moment, but they ultimately undermine us, especially when we engage in them repeatedly.”

I guess that I might as well go ahead and deal with this on the front end. (sigh)

I can’t even tell you how many times I do this. I KNOW what I want, what will make me happy, and what causes me stress and anxiety. It’s not like “I think that maybe being overweight makes me unhappy.” I KNOW it does. I KNOW that I would be more at peace with myself if I were a healthy weight.

So, as soon as I decided to share this journey with you, my sugar craving went into over-drive and I have had an insatiable appetite. It’s CRAZY! I’ve snacked late at night, eaten past the point of being full, and had WAY too much sugar. oh... and no exercise. None.

Obviously, I haven’t lost any weight.

I do so many things that don’t make sense. Overeating when I want to be thin is just one of them. I hope that by dealing with this one area, I will learn how to deal with the others.

Thing is, I KNOW how silly this is. I mean really, how hard is it to NOT overeat? How hard is it to get some exercise? How hard is it to eat healthy foods?  I mean really, it can't be that hard. Even so, I look around me and I realize that I am totally not the only one who struggles with this. I hope that in sharing my journey others will be encouraged.

This week my goal is to identify the ways I sabotage myself. I want to get beyond the general, surface level "I ate too much sugar" to the WHY...Why did I over eat? What triggered it? What was I thinking when I overate? What lies am I believing about food and my body?

So, the weigh in for today…

• 251.8 lbs
• Size 2X shrts and Jackets
• Size 16 plus pants
• The plan – Step one – eliminate added sugar from my diet
• Will get before pic and measurements before next week.

Until next Wednesday,

K