Afterall, we all go through the same sorts of things. Still,most of us feel like we are all alone in our struggle and I have considered it a priviledge to share my thoughts, my heart, and my life so that others know that we are all traveling this road together. Our struggles are not all that different. We are all in a battle...and some are doing better in their battle than others.
We all fall from time to time.
We all get distracted.
We all lose sight of our goal.
We all find ourselves very much in need of forgiveness.
We all have troubled relationships.
We all have people in our family who are hard to love.
We have all been betrayed....and we have all betrayed.
We all are afraid of something.
The difference in me and you and 1,000,000 other people is really just in how we deal with life...with all these things that we face day in and day out.
Over the past....I don't know, maybe a month, I have come to understand that God not only wants me to share my life with whoever attends our Ladies Bible Study and/or stumbles across this little blog, but also wants to grow ME. Just me. Somehow I had forgotten that.
Or maybe it is just easier to minister to others and share Christ with others. Maybe it is easier to ask "what do you want to do through me Lord" than it is to ask "What do you want to do IN me Lord?"....
No question in my mind....it is harder for me to ask God what He wants to do in me. I am afraid of what it is that He will want to do if I totally surrender. But I trust Him, right? I trust God. Sure I do. So why am I afraid?
I totally understand that God's ways are not mine. Isaiah 55:8-9 says, "My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' says the Lord.'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways,And My thoughts than your thoughts."
Even after everything God has brought me through, it still frightens me when I ask God to "Have your way in me". I mean, for the most part, I like my ways, ya know? I always think of God's word in Isaiah when I ask God to help me grow, remove anything from my life that is keeping me from Him, etc. What if He takes away something I dearly love?
I have learned over the past several months that when God removes something I dearly love from my life, He has an eternal reason for doing so. His ways are not mine and His thoughts are not mine. In times like this, I have to trust Him....even when I cannot see...even when it does not make sense....even when it hurts.....I have to completely trust God.
Now, on the other side of this last battle, I see that God has a plan and a purpose in EVERYthing...not just big things...not just life-threatening things....but everything. He has a plan and a purpose for the little things too. HE can grow me in little things that are part of my day to day life just like He can grow me through the big, once in a life time things.
I have learned that, while God will not put any more on me than I can bear, I can bear more as I mature spiritually. The battles do not get easier. The valley is not less dark. The temptations are not weaker. The refining fire is not cooler. Actually, as I mature spiritually, I am able to withstand hotter fire, darker vallies, fight tougher battles, and face greater temptations....because as i mature spiritually, I lean on God more, know Him more and Seek Him more consistantly.
That's all I have for now. I am resting in the arms of my Father. There is no place I'd rather be.