Sunday, February 22, 2009

Church was just amazing today! Exausting, but amazing.

Sunday school was great. Dusty taught for me and did a super-great job.

Worship was almost more than I could bear. Every song was about following God where ever He leads, Drawing closer to HIm, you get the picture.

I have been so caught up in getting well, that I have not thought much about the pathology results.

Today God reminded me that I am still His child and that I have still been called to walk this road and that I have likely not reached the end of it yet.

Today I surrendered myself to Him all over again. However long this road is, however dark this valley may get, wherever He leads, I will go....not just go, I will gladly follow. I know that He will not leave me or forsake me. I am confident that He is in control of my life and of this cancer. I am thankful for the terrible nausea and for the light headedness and for the weakness and for the pain in my neck and throat, since they have worked together to keep my mind off of the inevitable....the dreaded "test results".

Both doctors said that what they removed looked normal, from a visual perspective. I hope beyond hope that the pathology results show the same. I still don't have a peace with the thought "it's all over, the tests are normal". Perhaps it is, like my Sunday School class noted, my way of preparing myself for potential bad news. Maybe so.

Either way, I barely made it through the worsip service. One of my favorite mental pictures is climbing into Christ's lap, laying my head on His chest, and listening to the beating of His heart. Sometimes, when I am alone and totally focused on Him, I swear I can hear His heart beat. This morning, Dave and Christa taught us a new song, and some of the lyrics were something about crawling into Your lap and feeling Your breath and listening to Your heart beat. I nearly lost it.

Please forgive me if you do not relate to God this way. He is so very personal to me and I am so thankful that He has allowed me to walk this road. He just reminded me today that I must still be willing to follow where He leads.
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