ugh!

Will there ever be a day when everything is "caught up"?

My best and dearest friends have it all together. Their lives are not out of control. Their houses are not a wreck. They are not overwhelmed with the day to day business of life. They are the women who stock pile Birthday gifts and greeting cards...just in case. They are the women who start buying for Christmas in January so that they have it all done before the mad rush. They are the women who never mind if someone just drops by the house because their houses are always nice and neat. They have balanced budgets and live within their means......and i feel like I am coming apart at the seams! If they can do it, I should be able to as well.

There are so many things looming over my head....I don't even know where to start! I would much rather sit here on the PC and pretend like I truly have nothing better to do.

The house needs cleaning

There are about 3 loads of laundry waiting on my in the laundry room

We have more bills than money

i need to spend quality time with my kids

i need to spend quality time with my hubby

I need to go to the gym

I need to clean out the kids clothes and give the ones that are too small to some friends

I need to clean out and wash and vacuum my car.

I need to study my Sunday School lesson one more time before tomorrow

I need to get our clothes out and ready for tomorrow.

I need to prepare the first week of FLO's Bible study

I need to weed my flower beds.

Actually, as is so often the case, things do not seem so bad once I get them on "paper".

I am going to make a list, implement a plan to get my life in order. The unorganized chaos is making me an unbearable grouch!

Right now the kids want me to play the Wii with them. I'll start a load of laundry and play with them while it runs.

That's a step in the right direction at least.

Hugs,

K

Travelin Light

A while back I wrote a post in which I wondered "What now?" At that point I was afraid that it would be difficult to write about my faith and my relationship with Christ now that my battle with cancer seems to be over. I was right. It HAS been difficult to write.

Everyday life seems so boring compared to the constant drama that surrounded having cancer. Everyday life seems so insignificant compared to battling cancer.

My everyday struggles do not seem worthy of writing about....

BUT

My everyday struggles are what steal my joy.

The everyday, run-of-the-mill, day in and day out normal struggles like:

Dealing with difficult people at work
Getting the kids out of bed, dressed, fed, and to school on time
Marriage (and I have a husband that makes marriage easy compared to some people i know)
Juggling work, home, family, friends, church
Losing my temper
Being judgemental
Sins like over-eating, pride, and greed
Parenting

Being diagnosed with cancer knocked me off my feet with a powerful force, but these are the sorts of things that wear me down little by little...day by day.

So, even though these aren't the sorts of things that draw people's attention....nothing like having cancer or having a sick child or...well day to day life is just nothing exciting. BUT it is life and I'll do my best to be as open and honest about my daily struggles as I was about having cancer. After all, Scripture says it is the little foxes that ruin the vine (Song of Solomon). I guess the big ones are easy to spot. It's the little things that slip in and go unnoticed until they have caused significant damage.

In church Wednesday night, we were challenged to "lay it down" at the foot of the cross. Everyone's "it" is different. The things that ran through my mind as I prayed were:

• FLO (the Ladies ministry)
• My marriage
• My finances
• Overeating
• Parenting
• My Sunday School class

My heart was so heavy with the realization that I did not hesitate to rush to the cross when i had cancer, but I tarry with these things. Why is it so hard to give the little things and the GOOD things over to God? Why do I feel as though I can take care of these things without His intervention?

So, I'm layin down the little stuff and the good stuff before I go any farther down this road. I can travel farther if I'm travelin light.

Hugs
K

I just love autumn!!!! I know, I know, I know….technically it is still summer time, but school starts in a few days and that is the first in a series of reminders that summer is on its way out and autumn is on the way. Mississippi’s blistering summer heat will soon give way to cooler temps and my family in Tennessee, Kentucky, Alabama, South Carolina and Arkansas will start making plans to get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas….and the “little”cousins will start planning their strategies for winning the annual Christmas silly string war. Before we know it we’ll be trading in our tall glasses of sweet tea for mugs of flavored coffee and hot Chocolate. (OOOH! Or warm spiced tea…note to self: get that recipe from Great Nan) I am starting a new Christmas tree this year (haven’t told the sweet hubby about this yet) for ornaments from my girlfriends and cannot wait to see how that will turn out! (They’re a bunch of nuts…I can be sure that it won’t be traditional red and gold!) I have to admit, I’m already getting a little excited.
My fondest memories from childhood all seem to take place in the fall of the year. I loved going back to school and seeing all my friends (those were the days before cell phones, Facebook, and every kind of camp you can imagine, so unless you lived next door to someone, your didn’t see them all summer), going to football games, and school dances. I liked cool weather clothes…jackets, sweaters, jeans…lots of layers made me feel all snuggly and well, less exposed than I did in summer attire. (that’s still true!) I enjoyed new teachers, new classes, and making new friends.
For me, autumn seems to hold as much of a promise of a new beginning as New Year’s and Spring do for most people….maybe I just need more “fresh starts” than the average gal. This has been a difficult year. The threat of cancer has cast a shadow on every part of my life for almost a year now and to be honest, I am a little tired of it. I’ve been cancer free since April and am quite honestly tired of living with the fear that it could come back any day. I am ready to give the fear of the possibility that the cancer may come back over to my Creator and let Him carry that burden for a while. It is just too heavy for me to bear any longer. So, autumn 2009 holds a very sweet “beginning” for me…I am cancer free. I've come a long way in only a year. This year I am blessed beyond measure in a new and amazing way…I am a cancer survivor and despite 4 surgeries on my vocal cords...I still have a voice!
I have struggled over the past 11 months with the darkness of fear….fear like I have never known in my life. I have had to trust complete strangers with my voice and my very life. I have leaned harder on God than I ever thought possible. Many days, I did not even have the courage to lean on Him…He had to just pick me up and carry me. Through all of this I tried very hard to be very brave. Now that it’s over, I realize that I am absolutely drained. I am closer to my Lord than I have ever been. I understand more about Faith than I could have ever understood outside of this battle. I am more in love with Christ than I could have ever imagined possible…..but I am tired, and feeling a little empty, so I am casting my cares on Him....again-but I am not taking it back this time. I'm done. I am just too exhausted to carry it any more.

I have another blessing added to my already over abundance....I have a wonderful testimony of God's faithfulness for 2 precious precious friends that have recently been diagnosed with cancer.
I am grateful beyond words that I can reach out to my sweet friends during this time when things are so frightening and uncertain for them. I am grateful beyond words for the tenderness, compassion, and empathy in my heart when I pray for them and with them. I am grateful that my family can minister to theirs, that my husband understands how their husbands feel, and that my son knows how my one friend's son feels...and I am eternally grateful that Brian and my friend's son are friends. I would never have chosen the past year for me or my family, but I am eternally grateful that our Father, in His infinite wisdom, carried us through that valley and I am humbled that He would use that journey to minister to others.

What a grand time to start over and make up for the autumn I lost last year!

Happy (almost) autumn!

Hugs

K