On occasion I've looked at my social media, trying be objective, and wondered if it accurately reflects who I am. It seems that so many only post things that are flattering, almost perfect. I don't try to project any certain image, just post things I like. The result is a pretty accurate, albeit incomplete, representation of who I am and what I'm about.
This blog is a better reflection of me. Here on ITB, I've always just word-vomited whatever was on my mind. Sometimes I think it reflects exactly who I want to be. Other times it is a glaring reminder of how far I have to go. This is not a complete picture of me, but its kinda "me" in general. I try to be transparent about the struggles I face, but I don't suppose it's possible to be completely honest or transparent.
This week I toyed with not sharing the rest of my journey. It's hard to keep writing about how I'm not getting the results I want, how I'm trying something new (again) to try and get better results. It's embarassing to see others' successes on social media, people who talk about their workouts and show off their fabulous bodies when I am still struggling to get through a workout. It makes me wonder if I am sharing too much. Maybe I should wait and talk about it in hindsight. Then I remembered that I started writing for me... not for readers. I started writing because it helps me sort through things. I started writing so that I could look back and see the ways God worked different things out over time. I started writing so that I could remember what it feels like when things are not going my way... so that I won't give up. I started writing because I hoped that looking back over my story, i would find hope and courage to move forward, no matter the battle before me. I started writing so that I would have a record of how God has grown me over the years. Sometimes others relate and that's just an added bonus.
I'll continue to be honest and vulnerable. I'll continue to not project a perfect image. I'll continue to share and work through my struggles as they present themselves. Right now, the most obvious struggle I'm facing is this whole gym thing, so that's what I'll share for now. Of course, as always, this could change by next week.
This week has been a tiny bit better. I've cleaned up my diet and I've increased my water consumption again. Gotten more consistent sleep. I've added some extra workouts, and slept through my first boot camp too, because i was too tired from working out late at night and not getting enough sleep. I am hoping that strengthening specific parts of my body will make things like running and jumping easier eventually. I'll go over this week's gym progress and failure tomorrow.
Just my thoughts...
K
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