Thursday's Thoughts on... Reputation/Character

Taking a pause from pondering questions to think about something else...


One of the greatest bits I've gained in therapy is this little gem:
It is not a child's job to make his/her parents look good, nor is it a child's job to make his/her parents happy.

I cannot even express how freeing this is for me as a child AND for me as a parent.

I'm not implying that we as parents should just let our kids act like heathens, only that we are wise to consider the source of bad behavior.

When we focus on "how do you think that makes me look?" or "how do you think that makes me feel?" we train others to behave a certain way when we will be affected by their behavior. People who are trained this way choose their behavior based on the odds of someone (parent, spouse, boss) finding out about it rather than making choices based on what is right and wrong.

A more lasting and permanent change is made when we address the heart of the issue at hand.

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.  Luke 6:45

I've shared this story more than once already, but it is SUCH a good example...

Guy goes fishing with his preacher.
Guy snags his finger on the hook and lets a long list of expletives fly.
Realizing what he's done, he begins to apologize profusely to the preacher.
The preacher just smiles and says "It's okay. If it wasn't in you it wouldn't come out."

When we focus on reputation, our behavior changes based on who we are around, who will see us, or whether or not we will "get caught." Not only that, we also make decisions based on what we can do to make others "proud" of us, "pleased" with us, or  "impressed" with us.

Our character is what we think, how we act, what we do, how we behave, what we say NATURALLY.  Our behavior is constant, our choices are consistent, and the good (or evil) of our heart naturally pours out BEFORE we adjust these things in order to protect our reputation.

I'm applying this principle to my life as an adult. I want my HEART to be right. I don't want to "act like" I love people. I don't want to "act like" a Christian.

I don't want there to be any duplicity in my behavior.

I want my HEART changed so that I love the things Christ loves and despise the things Christ despises. I don't want to have to stop and consider how I should act in any given situation based on whether or not someone will find out, or considering if they will be disappointed in , proud of,  pleased or impressed with me when they do.

I'm reminding myself of these 3 things:
Reputation is all about behavior.
Character is all about heart.
Remember, If it wasn't in you, it wouldn't come out.

Just my thoughts...
K