Thursday Thoughts on...successful and confident

A couple of weeks ago, I began writing about the paradigm shift I've experienced recently. 

Here's the shift... I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness nor am I responsible for anyone else's attitude...and more than that... no one is responsible for mine. 

A core belief from my childhood sounds something like this: 

"If anyone in your life is unhappy it is because you are not 'enough' OR you are 'too much' for them. If anyone in your life is unhappy, that means you should change."

I'm not sure where this came from, but I believed it in my very soul...until now.

I hope that, in time, I will be satisfied with and confident in who I am.  I hope that, in time, I will love what and who I love with no need to explain or defend either. 

I started a list of questions that I'm trying to answer over...well, however long it takes to get them all answered. I've discovered that I "know" the answers to all of them, but I 'm not sure I BELIEVE the answer I "know" is correct. So, I'm working through that; I'm looking past the answers I've always given to see what I really believe.

As with all my writing, this is for me. Writing gets my scrambled up thoughts and emotions into print and seeing them in print often helps me put them in proper perspective.  Anyway, here's this week's question and (hopefully) answer.

When do I feel successful?

When do I feel confident?

I'm going to combine these 2 because generally, when I feel one, I feel the other.

My biggest fear is failure. This has been my immediate response when asked "What are you afraid of?" since...well, since I can remember. I'm not sure what I think will happen if I fail. I don't suppose I'll fall dead if I fail at something. It's just that I have a difficult time separating "You failed at this," and "You are a failure." I don't want to be a failure.

I can honestly say that I don't fail often...if ever. This isn't because I'm exceptionally gifted, only that I am keenly aware of my limitations. I simply don't try things that offer "failure" as a real possible outcome.

I am also aware of what I do well and I feel confident when I tackle something I know I will succeed in doing. I feel successful when something turns out the way I imagined it in my mind.

Things that come to mind are....
Decorating for VBS
Organizing and planning a ladies event
Painting
Cleaning house (once i'm done)
Cooking (usually by a recipe)
Teaching (when I'm fully prepared)

That being said, I also get a huge sense of success and boosted confidence when I accomplish something I wasn't sure I could do. (This doesn't happen very often and is usually something forced on me rather than something I choose)  There is a sense of satisfaction that comes with that sort of accomplishment that I don't get any other time. There is a certain feeling of bravery and daring that comes with just attempting something I am not completely sure I can accomplish. I don't even have to be a huge success at whatever it is...just being brave enough to try something new is exhilarating.

I really haven't thought about this before. (at least not recently...or often)

Maybe I need to get out of my comfort zone more often.
There's a novel idea.

Come to think of it, that may have been part of my resolutions this year. I need to go back and look.

Just my thoughts,

K


I wanna know....

When do you feel successful?
When do you feel confident?
Do you eagerly try new things, without knowing whether or not you will accomplish what you set out to achieve?
Are you afraid to fail??
If not, how do you feel about failing?
What do you tell yourself when you don't succeed?

Other questions I'm pondering....

What determines my worth?
What is consistently causing me stress?

What do I really enjoy?

What do I NOT enjoy?

What do I LIKE about me?

What do I truly value?

What is holding me back?

What will make my life easier?