Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

I have shared different battles with you over the years. The one that got the most attention was my battle with laryngeal cancer. I was able to openly share my heart in those days and God used those words to encourage and inspire others while bringing Glory to Himself.

Other battles are not so easy to share. Some involve other people- parenting, friendships, and marriage for example- and I do not want to share the details of my family’s and friends’ lives here. Some are truly too personal to share with the world. Others are simply not meant to be shared.

God usually presses me to write what I write. I can look back over my blog and recognize (quickly) the posts that are God Inspired and the ones that are Kris Inspired. Usually, I feel confident in God’s prompting because I know that the struggles I face are not unique to me and that others can benefit from my journey. Sometimes I argue with God about sharing things…

This is one of those times.

Even so, here I am at the keyboard, kicking and screaming, NOT wanting to share this journey. This is personal. This is my area of weakness, an area where I am still in bondage to sin and Satan’s lies. I like to write about areas I am comfortable with, areas where I have succeeded in quieting Satan’s lies. This is NOT one of those areas. This is the part of my life that I don’t talk about, that I am ashamed of, and that I am most sensitive about. Still, here we are. (SIGH) God wins. I’m tired of fighting.

I have NO idea what this is going to look like. “Wednesday Weigh-In” has a nice little catchy ring to it, so I’ll call it that. As the name suggests, I will “Weigh In” each Wednesday. Today my thought is that I will literally weigh in and let you travel the road to weight loss and healthy living with me. However, I know me, and I have a feeling that there will be other things that come up that I need to “weigh in” on, so don’t be surprised if there are other things that pop up from time to time.

Here we go…

It seems impossible that I could ever be “fit” again. I have been in this place so many times and I fail over and over. I am so afraid of failure that I would rather not try than try and fail. But I’m in this now. No turning back. (I think I may vomit)

I’ve always been tall. In Junior High, I reached 5’9” and all I wanted was to be “small.” I used anorexia and bulimia in high school and college and kept my weight around 140. (thin, but not “sick”) In my early 20s, I got down to under 130. After I married, I gained a little weight. After I had Brian in '99, I weighed 150. I weighed 180 when I got pregnant with Izzy and, when I had her (2005), I weighed 181. Still thin. No tummy bulge, love handles or “muffin top”. Then, over the next 3 years, I gained another 25 pounds. When I went for the appointment that started my cancer journey, I weighed 207. I quickly (thanks to a mixture of steroids, depression, no exercise and poor post-surgery food choices) gained up to 240 and kept that weight from 2009- 2016. Then, for whatever reason, I gained 10 more pounds.  

Now then. You’re all caught up on how I got here.  

Here’s the “weigh in” for today….
  • 250lbs
  • Size 2X shirts and jackets
  • Size 16 Plus pants
  • I don’t have a plan. I haven’t gotten that far yet. I suppose I will exercise more and eat less...or eat healthier. That's a start. 
  • I'll get a "before" picture and measurements before i post next week.

Until next week,

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