Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I am working on the FLO Bible study, specifically a section on God 's plan and purpose for you, for me, for us.....MORE specifically on how none of us are the same and it is our differences that make us valuable. It is the differences, not the similarities, that make us a body of Christ rather than a nose of Christ or an elbow of Christ.
So, I'm all doing this lesson, feeling pretty good about the whole thing, and beginning to wonder why we all want to be like someone else anyway. That's when God stepped in....or maybe it was Satan...or maybe God nudged me and Satan took advantage of the situation....or maybe it was Satan the whole time and then God used it for good....at any rate, I had a melt down.
In my downward spiral, I decided that not only am I a terrible friend, but, compared to the women in my life, I am a terrible mom, wife, ministry leader, church member, employee, child, grandaughter, housekeeper (okay, the housekeeper part is true)...
Ever been there?
Man I hate it!
BUT I have learned that my mom and my friends accept me and my meltdowns, so I e-mailed them. Told mom I was getting out of the ministry. It is too hard. Most of the time I feel like I am beating my head against the wall. Told my friends that I feel like I have done something to offend them and that they like eachother more than they like me (canNOT believe I just typed that....sooooo 6th grade....but, that's how I felt at the time).
All three of them responded with "take a breath and think about what you are saying". Actually, it was more along the lines of "are you NUTS?"
Now that I am out of melt down mode, I can see that I was VERY much under attack. In the middle of feeling so good about writing the section of the FLO Bible study on "Where do I fit in?" which talks about how GOD made us all different to serve different purposes, I totally freaked out because I am not like the women God has placed in my life.
As much as I hate that I had the meltdown, I am also glad I did....it helped me finish that part of the Bible study.
We aren't supposed to all be alike and just because we are NOT alike doesn't mean that one woman is "better" than another.
I am not getting out of the ministry. I love it and I love the women I serve. I am a great mom for MY kids....the ones GOD gave me. I am a good wife for MY husband...the one God gave me. God put us all together because HE knows we are good for eachother.
HOPEFULLY the next time I start to beat myself to death because I am not "as good as" someone else, I will QUICKLY remember that I too am "fearfully and wonderfully made" and I am made the way GOD intended.