Friday, January 30, 2009

One in a Million

Wednesday was terrible. I have discovered something else about myself...I do not deal well with the unknown. Now, please understand, I am not afraid. I have complete and total faith in my Lord and I totally believe that He can do anything and that if He wants to lay His holy hands on me and heal me, He will. I have no doubt that He will heal me, but I believe He will heal me using modern medicine. It's not that I think God wouldn't heal me or that He can't heal me. I just believe that He will be better glorified by our family going through this entire process. Perhaps He needs to be seen by someone in the Operating Room at UMC...seems that is where I keep ending up. Anyway, Wednesday was terrible, but now we know what we are dealing with and have a plan of action........
I went back to see Dr Schweinfurth yesterday. Had the CT Scan done of my chest and neck. Thankfully, he found nothing worth noting on my CT scan. My lymph nodes are clear. He is going to send my case to the Tumor Board on Wednesday. I will see him on Thursday and we will discuss their findings. It looks like I will have surgery again on Monday, Feb. 9.
You know how there is a "one in a million chance" that something will happen? Well, there was a one in a million chance that this would progress to Invasive Carcinoma after surgery. That's what it did. So, now I have cancer. It still sounds so bizarre to say that. "Cancer" has always been such a frightening word. It is odd to use it when referring to myself. When we did my first surgery (in September of 08), we expected "normal" cells to reproduce and fill in the wound from the surgery. This is what happens 80% of the time. In my case, the cancer cells reproduced to fill the wound left from the surgery.  Once we get a clean biopsy, we will let my cords heal for about 2 months, then biopsy to see if any new cancer cells are present. I did not ask what we would do if I have new cancer cells at that time....there is plenty happening between now and then to keep me occupied.
There is a bone that the tumor (this last one that I had removed on Monday of this week) was butted up against. This was a non-issue until we discovered that I have progressed rather than regressed. Now we are looking at possibly doing a biopsy on the bone. Of course, I told him to do what ever needs to be done. I want this out of my body.
Ok, so that's all the factual stuff. My honest feeling about it is "It is what it is". It's there and it is growing and it needs to be taken care of. I believe that I have a wonderful doctor who is doing everything he can to cure me. I believe God will heal me through Dr Schweinfurth. I do not even question this.