Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Wednesday Weigh-In: My Battle with Food, Exercise, and Body Image

I have shared different battles with you over the years. The one that got the most attention was my battle with laryngeal cancer. I was able to openly share my heart in those days and God used those words to encourage and inspire others while bringing Glory to Himself.

Other battles are not so easy to share. Some involve other people- parenting, friendships, and marriage for example- and I do not want to share the details of my family’s and friends’ lives here. Some are truly too personal to share with the world. Others are simply not meant to be shared.

God usually presses me to write what I write. I can look back over my blog and recognize (quickly) the posts that are God Inspired and the ones that are Kris Inspired. Usually, I feel confident in God’s prompting because I know that the struggles I face are not unique to me and that others can benefit from my journey. Sometimes I argue with God about sharing things…

This is one of those times.

Even so, here I am at the keyboard, kicking and screaming, NOT wanting to share this journey. This is personal. This is my area of weakness, an area where I am still in bondage to sin and Satan’s lies. I like to write about areas I am comfortable with, areas where I have succeeded in quieting Satan’s lies. This is NOT one of those areas. This is the part of my life that I don’t talk about, that I am ashamed of, and that I am most sensitive about. Still, here we are. (SIGH) God wins. I’m tired of fighting.

I have NO idea what this is going to look like. “Wednesday Weigh-In” has a nice little catchy ring to it, so I’ll call it that. As the name suggests, I will “Weigh In” each Wednesday. Today my thought is that I will literally weigh in and let you travel the road to weight loss and healthy living with me. However, I know me, and I have a feeling that there will be other things that come up that I need to “weigh in” on, so don’t be surprised if there are other things that pop up from time to time.

Here we go…

It seems impossible that I could ever be “fit” again. I have been in this place so many times and I fail over and over. I am so afraid of failure that I would rather not try than try and fail. But I’m in this now. No turning back. (I think I may vomit)

I’ve always been tall. In Junior High, I reached 5’9” and all I wanted was to be “small.” I used anorexia and bulimia in high school and college and kept my weight around 140. (thin, but not “sick”) In my early 20s, I got down to under 130. After I married, I gained a little weight. After I had Brian in '99, I weighed 150. I weighed 180 when I got pregnant with Izzy and, when I had her (2005), I weighed 181. Still thin. No tummy bulge, love handles or “muffin top”. Then, over the next 3 years, I gained another 25 pounds. When I went for the appointment that started my cancer journey, I weighed 207. I quickly (thanks to a mixture of steroids, depression, no exercise and poor post-surgery food choices) gained up to 240 and kept that weight from 2009- 2016. Then, for whatever reason, I gained 10 more pounds.  

Now then. You’re all caught up on how I got here.  

Here’s the “weigh in” for today….
  • 250lbs
  • Size 2X shirts and jackets
  • Size 16 Plus pants
  • I don’t have a plan. I haven’t gotten that far yet. I suppose I will exercise more and eat less...or eat healthier. That's a start. 
  • I'll get a "before" picture and measurements before i post next week.

Until next week,


Sanctity of Life Week

I suppose I should have shared this last week. For whatever reason, I felt lead to save it for this week. Now I have a better understanding of why I needed to wait. This past weekend, hundreds of thousands of women marched in protest to the Trump administration, for LGBTQ rights, Abortion Rights, and Equal rights. I am still sorting through my emotions on all this and will save that post for another day. Today, I want to share my heart on the subject of abortion through last week's  post on Internet Cafe Devotions. 

As we approach Sanctity of Life Week…


1 in 3 women have had an abortion. If you are one of the one in three, this is for you. What happened was, and remains, terribly wrong. Even so, there IS hope!  Doubting that God can forgive and restore does not speak to the enormity of the sin, but to lack of belief in the power of the blood of Jesus Christ.To those who do not carry the burden of this specific sin, drop your rocks, and love like Jesus. Offer hope, not condemnation.

Continue Reading here

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Word and Verse for 2017

Along with Resolutions and a promise to myself to “get myself together”, the New Year brings with it a new verse and a new word for the year. While the excitement of New Year Resolutions and my commitment to keep them all fades, my verse and my word remind me daily of how I want to live out the year.

This year’s verse is 1 Corinthians 10:31:
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the Glory of God.

I love this precious reminder that EVERYTHING I do should bring God Glory. Focusing on this helps my attitude in so many situations. It is a constant reminder that I am not my own, that I represent Christ, and that HE lives in me.

My word for the year is 

Of all the parts of the Fruit of the Spirit, self-control is my weak spot. I’m not even sure that this is possible. I mean, we all receive the Fruit when we accept Christ as Lord, but I really struggle with Self-Control. Most of my problems, shortcomings, and anxiety stem from lack of self-control in some area. I’m praying that God will grow this fruit in my life with some hesitancy. I know from past experience that asking God to grow something in my life typically results in me finding myself in situations where I need lots of the thing I have asked Him for.

Do you have a verse and/or word for the year? I’d love to know what yours are!

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Carrot, Egg, or Coffee Bean???

I closed out Ladies Small group last night with an illustration (not mine) that they were not familiar with, so I decided to share here too.

We all have hard seasons. Perhaps it was your childhood, or rebellious teen years. Maybe your season was an abusive marriage, or a divorce. Maybe you have a special needs child, a parent with Alzheimer’s, someone you love has (or has had) cancer, or someone you love died or left you. Maybe yours isn’t tragic. Maybe you had a hard time adjusting to marriage, waiting on a spouse, or waiting on a baby. Maybe you struggled in college or took “too long” to become established in your career. What contributed to your difficult season isn’t the point, only that you had one.

Now that you’ve thought about it…

What do you do with it? Hard times leave their mark on us. They change us. The question is, HOW have they changed YOU?

Think of hard times like boiling water.

What does boiling water do to an egg? Makes it hard, right? TOO many women who have become hard in response to their difficult seasons. In an attempt to not be hurt again, they build walls, develop a tough exterior and refuse to let anyone in. Know anyone like that?

Now, what about a carrot? Put a carrot in boiling water and what happens? Left long enough, it turns to mush, right? The boiling water makes it weak. I know women who have allowed their difficult seasons to wear them to the point that they are just…soft. They just exist. They don’t feel they are anything more than a victim. Know anyone like that?

And then there’s coffee. What happens when we expose coffee beans to boiling water? THEY CHANGE THE WATER! Praise Jesus! Yes! Add boiling water to Coffee beans, and the water becomes rich, tasty, and full of energy-boosting caffeine… AND the longer we steep our coffee in that boiling water, the stronger it becomes! See why I LOVE this illustration?

The only problem with this is that I am NOT coffee. Left to my own devices, I am an egg. I shut people out and retreat to my peaceful, lonely solitude…

But GOD shapes my heart and fills me with the fruit of the Spirit (Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control) and THROUGH HIM, I become Coffee. Actually, I think that maybe the “boiling water” of life allows HIM to seep out of me. Either way, when I focus on HIM and not on my circumstances, HE uses me (and you) to do amazing things. We get to see Him work. We get to be part of what He is doing. We get to witness His mighty power. We learn what it means to “follow Christ” and to “know” Him. We learn what “All things work together for GOOD for those who love Him” means. We learn that God’s plan is best, even when it is painful.

Satan wants to remind us of all the bad that’s been done to and by us. Satan wants to make us hard so that we are afraid to get involved in others’ lives. Satan wants to make us so weak that we believe we have no value. Satan wants us to focus on the worst parts of our lives, 

But GOD wants us to be Coffee. HE wants to USE those experiences to make the lives around us richer.

Think about the deepest darkest time you’ve ever been through. 

SOMEONE is in that dark place now. YOU can be the person who leads them out.


Wednesday, January 4, 2017

2017: New Year! (Same ol' Goals)

Well here we are. Another brand new year. I LOVE New Years. I get all giddy excited about the possibility of a fresh start. There is a feeling in my bones that sounds something like "THIS is the year I'm gonna get it right!"

And then the next New Year rolls around and I spend a moment wishing I'd done a better job with the previous 12 months...and then think "THIS is the year..."

So, I am all giddy excited about 2017 and all the potential it holds!
I have volumes of resolutions and goals that can all be mushed together to read something like, you guessed it, "THIS is the year I'm gonna get it right!"

I want to mark 15 things off my bucket list. That's not nearly as exciting or adventurous as it sounds. Most of my list is made up of things i want to learn...or learn to do...or read. I have over 100 books on there. Last year, my goal was 5 things. (I need to go back and see if i made that.) I am being wild and crazy this year and mark off 15.

I want to blog once a week for 52 consecutive weeks. I have a terrible time with consistency. So, this year, I'm gonna get it right and blog once every week. May be some REALLY boring stuff on here. We'll see.

I want to read the Bible thru. Genesis to Revelation. The hubs has made this easy for me. He is doing a reading plan with the church so that we can all read it thru. Super excited about this!

I want to memorize the Sermon on the Mount. That's asking a lot of this old brain. i still remember the prologue to Canterbury Tales from high school...surely i can memorize one more thing.

I want to learn to knit and i want to learn Spanish and American Sign Language. Oh! I want to learn to use chop sticks.

Let's see, that's 7.

I want to journal every day. Again, likely to get very boring. Not much happens in my little life.

I suppose the rest of my 15 things could be books.

Oh no! Wait! I "resolve" to go to the gym at least 3 times a week for 52 weeks and to drink 80 oz of water a day for 6 weeks.

Ya know, the things I REALLY want are not things i can measure right now. I don't know if i will ever know whether or not i accomplished them. They are not tangible or measurable. I want to leave a big hole when i'm gone. Not so that people will be all sad and whatever. I just want it to REALLY matter that i was here. I want it to matter that i took up space on this planet. I want people to be thankful that they knew me. I want to make a difference in the lives of the people God has placed in my life. When people think of me, i want them to think of Christ. I want my life to be characterized by my love for Him. I want to be remembered as someone who truly loved Jesus, and who lived and talked like it.

I don't know that i will ever know if i accomplished this or not, but it makes me happy to try. Serving Christ and leading others to a deeper relationship with Him brings me tremendous joy. I guess that's why I don't have over the top exciting things on my bucket list or in my resolutions. I like my little life. I like where God has me. Sure there are things I'd like to improve on and ways I'd like to do to be a better person, but nothing compares to serving and knowing Christ.

Before i go, I will share my word and my verse for 2017.
My word is

My Verse is 1 Corinthians 10:31
 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

Do you have New Year's Resolutions? 2017 Goals? A Word or verse for 2017?

I'd love to know how you face the new year!