Wednesday, August 31, 2016

5 years Cancer Free

I took my last dose of radiation and was declared "in remission" 5 years ago today. 5 years. Goodness, that's a long time.

They say if you make it 5 years cancer free, you are considered "cured." Cured sounds really good to me. I don't see Doc for a few more weeks, so it isn't OFFICIAL yet, but I feel fine, my voice is fine, and I have no reason to think that he will find anything questionable when he looks at my cords in a few weeks. So, I'm  going with "cured."

I remember so vividly asking God to walk with me through the valley when I was diagnosed the second time. I remember how frightening the unknown was. I remember how my heart sank when they told me that the radiation would cause me to completely lose my voice and "we hope that it will come back." I remember hating this road. I remember asking God "Why?" and not getting any answers. I remember thinking that it was terribly unfair to ask me to travel this road twice. I also remember asking God to use my situation to bring about something good. And he did. Because of that, I am thankful that I had cancer. It's one of the best things that happened to me.

I learned so much about myself and about God and my relationship with Him when I was in that valley. I learned that I am strong. I learned that God is trustworthy. I learned what it means when we say "God's plans are bigger than ours." I learned that God will allow pain and suffering and that His ultimate goal is not for us to be "happy."

Most importantly, I learned that sometimes things just stink. Honestly, there is nothing "good" about having cancer. When things stink we have some choices to make. We can wallow in the stink and be all "poor me" or we can suck it up and say "ok, this stinks. Use me so that something good will come out of it." When I don't focus on me and focus on what God is doing in the middle of the stink, well, I get to see Him work....and THAT's amazing. When we focus on what God's doing in the middle of our stinky situation and when we seek to be in the middle of what He's doing we are able to look back on the stinky bad situation and say "this really amazing thing happened when..."


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