Tuesday, September 29, 2015

What I want

Things get all turned around and upside down so quickly.  Why is that? It always amazes me that I can get so far from where I want to be in such a short amount of time. Sometimes, when I evaluate my heart, I am not who I want to be. I'm not making any sense, am I? Okay, let me try this again.

I don't want to be one of "those" Christians who make people feel bad about themselves. I don't want to make it my "job" to make sure that people understand how "bad" they are. I don't want to be angry about people's sin or blatant disobedience to God's Word. I don't want to puff out my chest and pride-fully say "well, what comes around goes around."  I don't want to focus on where someone has BEEN or what they've DONE. 

I want...what do I want? I don't know how to put it into words. I want to be honestly heartbroken over sin.  I want to be someone who makes people WANT Christ and I want them to want Him NOT because of how bad they feel about themselves.

I want people to want Christ because of how GOOD He is....not because of how bad they are.

I mean, I was well aware of how wretched I was when Jesus drew me to himself. No one needed to tell me all the many reasons I was a bad person. The well meaning people who DID tell me how much I needed Jesus really just made me feel worse about myself. That didn't send me running to the cross. Honestly, that just made me want to give up and die.

Catching a glimpse of how GOOD Jesus is sent me running to Him.

I want to be the sort of person that people are drawn to. I want to be characterized by warmth and caring and understanding. I want to be trusted and trustworthy. I want people to feel comfortable around me. I want to offer hope and comfort...not condemnation and judgment.

At the same time, I am burdened by the sin in people's lives. I want to take them by the shoulders and shake them and scream, "Don't you see what this is doing to you? Don't you see that you are in bondage? Don't you see that this sin is what is stealing your joy and peace?" Goodness, my chest started aching just thinking about it.

So, there is the conflict. I want to show the love of Christ and share the message of Christ because I do believe that Christ is enough. I know that I don't want to be another hateful, judgmental Christian. At the same time, it burdens my heart to see people bound in sin. Still, if the goodness of Christ is what drew me to Him, then I have to believe that the goodness of Christ will draw others to him.

It is so easy to get caught up in how wrong "the world" is. It is easy and it makes me feel better about my own life because I can always find people who sin differently and more blatantly than I do. But comparison isn't the point, is it? The point is to share Christ.

I want to find the balance. I want to live so that there is no question about where I stand with regards to sin. I want to live and speak so that anyone who is around me sees and hears Christ in me. I don't want to be angry and bitter about being a Christian. I don't want to tell everyone what I "have" to do or what I "can't" do. I don't want to keep a check list of things that make me "good". I just want to follow Christ and let Him work in me and thru me. I want Him to fill me up so that HE spills over into my conversations. I want Him to fill me up so that HE spills over onto the people in my life.

That seems pretty simple.

Father God,
I mess things up so quickly. I want to do the right things and say the right things, but I find myself being prideful. Help me to surrender to you more every day. I want you to work in me and thru me Lord. I know that I get in the way of that. Fill me up Lord so that the people you put in my life see you in me and hear you in me. I want the people who know me to know you. I know that you can make that happen.

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