Wednesday, November 18, 2009
okay, okay, enough already!
Sunday I posted my thoughts about seeking God above all else. Seems that this is the theme for the week. He has shown me time and time againg how Satan slips (or barges) in when I take my eyes off Christ. I am learning to ask myself "Who am I seeking" when I want to argue with someone (that someone usually being my sweet husband- poor thing). I am learning to ask myself"What am I seeking" when I am upset with someone. Many more times than I really want to admit, I am not seeking God. I am seeking "being right". I am seeking an apology. I am seeking validation, respect, any number of things, but if I am feeling angry, hurt, or generally uneasy, i am rarely seeking God. I'm supposed to Seek God first. Scripture says that "all these things" will be mine if I seek the kingdom of God FIRST. So, I'm working on it. Right now it seems that the harder I try, the more I fail. I am hoping that I am not failing more than before. maybe I am just noticing it more.
This morning I learned something about the "seeking" part. I misplaced my cell phone. It was on silent. so I looked for it. I looked HARD. I searched high and low. I turned on all the lights, looked under the couch cushions, under the couch and love seat. I moved furniture and I took the sheets off the beds. I looked in the laundry room, the kitchen, the bathroom and the gameroom. I looked in my car, my purse, and the bag I carry to and from work. I accused family members of hiding it from me.Maybe I left it at work. No, i talked to Christa on the way home yesterday. Hmmmm. Maybe I dropped it in the carport. I went outside and looked no phone.
I did finally find it, but that is another point that i'll make in a moment. For now, I want to say that I learned something about seeking. I searched every where and did not give up until I found my phone. I didn't give up because I KNEW the phone was here somewhere. I KNEW the only reason I couldn't find it was because i was looking in the wrong places. But I didn't give up. I searched and searched until I found what I was looking for. Now, if only I would do that when i find myself needing to seek God's face. I hope that from now on my cell phone search will come to mind when i am seeking God. I hope that i don't stop looking if God doesn't "show up" after one prayer. I hope that I keep looking for His face if I don't "see Him" in worship. I hope that, now that I have such a vivid reminder of how hard I can seek something, I will not give up until I see His face. I hope that, when I feel slighted, underappreciated, wronged, misunderstood, angry, hurt, or just grumpy, I will search for God's face with the same determination I searched for my phone this morning. I hope that I will remember this and keep looking until I find Him.
Now, sometimes God goes a little overboard. Maybe my friends are right and I try too hard to see "God" in the details of my life. Still, this is pretty cool. I did finally find my phone this morning. It was stitting on top of my Bible, beside the chair I use when I am on the computer. Last night I was working on a Bible study lesson and got a phone call. I set the phone down on top of my Bible. Hmmmm. Another blinking neon reminder for seeking God. When I seek God's face, I can diligently look in lots of places. i can pray, I can listen to praise music, I can call Christian friends in my diligent search for God. The one place I am sure to find Him is in His Word. He has revealed himself to us in Scripture. So, along with learning to ask myself "What/Who am I seeking?" and along with remembering what "seeking" looks and feels like, I am learning how to seek the smartest way possible.
I need to start my search for Him in the Bible and with prayer. THEN I need to search His Word for His face with the same determination I had when i searched the house for my phone. Just like I knew my phone was somewhere in the house, I KNOW God is in the Scripture...I just have to keep looking!