I can’t believe it has been over a month since I’ve written anything here.
Monday, December 14, 2015
Honestly, everything is rocking along just fine. (sigh) I just don’t know what to write.
Thing is, I have had topics banging around in my head and in my heart this past month. I just can’t get them into print. My heart is too tangled up in them.
Here’s the thing, God’s been growing me. Thankfully, He didn’t use a new cancer diagnosis to get my attention this time. He just nudged me to trust Him a little more…and a little more…and a little more. Then He nudged me to trust Him a little more.
He nudged me to trust Him more with our finances. I did and He did not immediately pay off my mortgage. No debt collectors called to tell me that my Medical bills had been paid in full. Paycheck by paycheck, I tried to make better choices concerning our finances. Baby Steps. One better decision at a time. After almost a year of this, peace has replaced the anxiety that once surrounded any thoughts of our finances.
He nudged me to give up leading the Ladies Ministry at our church. Not only that, but to also entrust it to another. Looking back, God dealt with me on several levels here. First, I love the ministry that we started several years ago. I poured my soul into it and truly loved everything about it. There was a falling out among the ministry team (it happens, we are all human after all) and that left a tinge of sorrow where pure joy had once been. My second bout with cancer forced me to step away from the ministry completely and, to be honest I just never quite felt the same way about it. When I was approached about passing the leadership role to someone else, I only struggled slightly. God pressed on my heart that this ministry isn’t “mine”, but that He would not force me to let it go. I needed to choose for myself whether or not to close that door.
Earlier this year I joined Internet Café Devotions. Moving beyond my little blog brought me tremendous joy, and it still makes me smile to see my words somewhere else. God being God knew all the other ways that the Café would challenge me and, in His sovereignty, waited until I was ready before connecting me to the ladies there. While writing with them has been wonderful, connecting with them has been the biggest blessing I’ve received in a very long time. The ladies I’ve “gotten to know” through email and phone calls have been a breath of fresh air. I don’t know how to explain it other than to say that I have found in them the like-minded-ness and understanding that I’ve longed for. They’ve showed me how to appreciate the unique gifts God has given me. They’ve encouraged me to see the value in the heart God has given me for the women He has placed in my path. Their spiritual maturity is refreshing and inspiring to me. They challenge me to be…more of who God made me to be.
God used everything I’ve mentioned to bring me to where I am now. He has helped me to see that the gifts and talents He has given me are best used one on one. I thought that I needed to do “big” things in order to make a difference. He has shown me the importance of investing in the women He has placed in my life. I am overwhelmed at the need for an encouraging word or offered prayer and am so thankful that God created me in such a way that I am naturally driven to meet those needs. I am so thankful that He created me in such a way that I see Him working in most all circumstances. I am so thankful that He created me with the discernment to see Satan’s schemes. I am so thankful that He gave me a powerful testimony to share.
So, back to my original thought…Life gets Sticky Sometimes… investing in people can get sticky. I only have a few people in my life who I consider my “inner circle” and I love them fiercely. It makes me angry to see Satan working in their lives. It makes me angry to see them in bondage to sin or to Satan’s lies. It breaks my heart to see them hurting. It brings me tremendous joy to see them victorious. My heart swells with unfathomable happiness and pride when their lives reflect Spiritual growth. These are the things that have been consuming me lately. God is working in the lives of the people I love most and I can’t always write about that because…well, it can get sticky.
So there we go. A month’s worth of words in one sitting.
I will try not to go so long next time!