Well… Here we are again.
I go see Doc tomorrow. Of course I am fine. There are no
troubles with my voice. I sang yesterday morning in church, practiced with the
praise team, and then went to choir practice yesterday afternoon and I’m not
even hoarse today.
It is hard to believe that I will hit the 5 year milestone
in August. Just 6 more months and I will officially be in the clear.
But for today, tomorrow’s visit is hanging over me like a
weight. The anxiety is completely irrational. I know that I am fine. Even so,
my chest hurts.
Anxiety is a real pain.
I wish that I was strong enough in my faith to not have
anxiety. I’ve read that worry is the opposite of faith. That makes me sad. I don’t
try to worry. I don’t dwell on things that cause me concern. There are certain
things that cause me to feel almost paralyzed though. Going to see Doc is one
of those things. Whether I want to or not, I feel tremendous anxiety over it.
It seems that the only times anxiety is not crushing my
chest lately are when I am asleep or on the elliptical. So, I am going to the
gym and staying on the elliptical until I can’t do anymore.
Hopefully that will make me tired enough to go on to sleep at a decent hour and
stay asleep until morning.
Then it will be over until August.
