Monday, March 21, 2011

To know you more

Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.

In January, I claimed to want to know Christ more. I questioned what it would be like to know Him in His sufferings. During that time, God expanded my understanding of forgiveness, which Iexpressed in my last post.

Then my world fell apart.

Well, not really. It didn't have to. If I was a mature in my faith as I THOUGHT I was, my world would have been just fine. A little rattled, but fine.

For me to know Christ more, I had to gain a deeper understanding of forgiveness. This is one lesson that I can truly say God intened for me to learn and not something He gave me to teach. This lesson was for me, so that I could know my Lord and Savior on a deeper and more intimate level.

In order to truly understand forgiveness, you must have someone to forgive and something to forgive them for. As in all things, My Father in Heaven knew exactly what I needed, and in His goodness He answered my prayer to know Christ more and has allowed me to gain a deeper understanding of Christ's sufferings. Not that I will ever understand what my Savior suffered for me, not that I could endure full knowledge of His sufferings...but my Father allowed me to learn MORE about the nature of my Lord and Savior.

I wish that I had been mature enough to see this at the onset. I wish, when I felt the first sting of betrayal, that I had been able to write "Praise God! He has answered my prayer and has shown me a brief glimpse of the forgiving heart of my Savior!" Sadly, I have spent 5 weeks in absolute misery. I have experienced more anger and resentment and bitterness that I have known in all my 38 years. I have asked God on more than one occasion, "Where are you? Why are you letting this happen to us?"

Last night a sweet precious God sent friend told me "you need to go back and read your blog. It is amazing that GOd spoke to your heart and gave you what you needed before all this happened. He is so good."

SO, this morning I did...and she was right. God gave me a deeper understanding of forgiveness ahead of time...and I find it especially touching that He was kind enough to speak to my heart these very words...

I have been on the receiving end of true forgiveness and I have decided that there is possibly no sweeter gift than this. And it is truly a gift. Totally in the control of the giver. I think that maybe there is greater power in forgiveness than there is in punishing someone by holding a grudge. Grudge holding is totally natural, expected, normal. Forgiveness is God-breathed, Biblical, and holy....

So, today, I choose to forgive. Let it go. Treat them as if they had done no wrong.