Sometimes it takes something really bad to make me realize how blessed I truly am. Now that I have said that, I am thinking of so many more things other than what I intended to get on "paper" tonight.
What I was going to write about is the simple fact that I truly feel completely normal after this surgery. It is amazing! No headache, no grogginess, no nausea, no crankiness, no pain to speak of- other than the expected sore throat. Really, it is like I did not even have surgery today! I am totally amazed! But, all things are relative and the LAST surgery included the neck dissection and THAT was bad...so, this is nothing compared to that.
Other things that I am grateful for today...
My over-the-top mom in law. I couldn't have a better one. That sweet lady will do absolutely anything for us. She kept my babies last night and stayed with me this afternoon and is spending the night here tonight. I am sure she will stay with me tomorrow if we ask her to. She is completely selfless. I have never met anyone else like her. It is no wonder Calvin is so amazing. He has a GREAT mom.
Calvin is the other "thing" that is a true blessing to me. That poor man has been through it with me the past several months. He takes every step down this road that I do and patiently watches as God grows my faith. I am sure that there are times he wants to shake some sense to me, but he is patient, loving, understanding, and completely devoted. I could not have a better husband.
My Brian is my gift from God. What I did to earn enough favor with God for Him to entrust that precious boy to me escapes me. Brian is going to do HUGE things for God. He is wise beyond his years. I love to watch him grow in his relationship with his creator. The 10 year old smart mouth, I could do without, but I remember being worse to my mom than he is to me!
Little Izzy is like a ray of sunshine in our lives. She brightens my every day with her outlook on life. She is fearless and does everything full speed. She is independent and brave. She is just one cool little girl. She has brought spunk and excitement to our lives.
God has given me the BEST friends. I have not had a close group of friends in years, but over the past few years, God has blessed me with godly women who are willing to overlook (or point out when needed) my many flaws and make the sacrifices necessary to be my friends. You know who you are and I want you to know that I absolutely could not make it through life without you. You are a blessing to me in more ways than you can ever know.
As thankful as I am for all of these people and relationships, the one relationship that makes every day worth living is my relationship with Christ. He is my savior. My Savior! He loves me despite my thoughts, fears, angry outbursts, doubts, frustrations.... He loves me in spite of myself.
When I think of all the blessings of this life, I am instantly reminded of the greatest blessing i have received. Christ dying for me ad reserving my place with HIM in heaven is the blessing that will never be "trumped". Compared to salvation, all the wonder of this life is...well, nothing.
So, at this stage of the road, my surgery is behind me, and the pathology results are around the next curve, I am at peace only because I know who planned out my life. I know who calls me His Precious daughter. I know that God is in control of this and that he has already sacrificed Himself for me...so that I can spend eternity with Him....I can do nothing less than give Him everything I have until then.
Hugs
K
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Home again
WOW! 4 hours from the time we left the house to the time we got back home!
Surgery went GREAT today!
I feel fine aside from a whopper of a sore throat! I mean, I feel totally normal. No side effects from the anesthesia at all! Maybe this really is going to be the surgery that ends it all! At any rate, this is the best I have felt post surgery.
Dr S. told Calvin that the cord that has the cancer looks normal. Now, only the pathology will tell us for sure, but there does not appear to be any new growth, at least not to the naked eye. I can already tell a difference in the way my throat feels now that the new growth is gone! And for those that were asking about my breathing, yes, it is easier to breathe now.
I am a bit drowsy and rarely can justify taking a nap, so I am going to take one now.
Thank you all so much for your constant prayers and well wishes! It is so comforting to know that there are others going to God on my behalf!
If indeed we get a clear pathology report, then I will not have to have surgery for at least 12 weeks. That surgery will just be a biopsy to make sure that the cancer has not returned.
Whether or not this is the end of this stage of my journey, I am still completely surrendered to Christ. I know that He has brought me through this, the hardest time in my life to date. The past 7 months have been surreal. The past 7 months have been like nothing I can even begin to describe. A precious friend talked to me the other night about the "dark night of the soul". That truly describes some of my days and nights over these past few months. Some days, I am totally okay with all of this...a warrior in the battle. Other days I feel like a helpless prisoner of war. Some days I have felt completely defeated spiritually and that is the absolute worse feeling I have ever known.
As we enter Easter Weekend, I am again reminded that God has done everything that He needed to do already. He gave me the only thing I truly need when He died on the cross and rose again, defeating death once and for all. When i asked Hm to be my Savior, He sealed my spot in Heaven. This is all I will ever truly need. He owes me nothing.
So, whether the pathology comes back good or bad, I am okay. My soul is secure. My Father loves me.
Hugs
K
Surgery went GREAT today!
I feel fine aside from a whopper of a sore throat! I mean, I feel totally normal. No side effects from the anesthesia at all! Maybe this really is going to be the surgery that ends it all! At any rate, this is the best I have felt post surgery.
Dr S. told Calvin that the cord that has the cancer looks normal. Now, only the pathology will tell us for sure, but there does not appear to be any new growth, at least not to the naked eye. I can already tell a difference in the way my throat feels now that the new growth is gone! And for those that were asking about my breathing, yes, it is easier to breathe now.
I am a bit drowsy and rarely can justify taking a nap, so I am going to take one now.
Thank you all so much for your constant prayers and well wishes! It is so comforting to know that there are others going to God on my behalf!
If indeed we get a clear pathology report, then I will not have to have surgery for at least 12 weeks. That surgery will just be a biopsy to make sure that the cancer has not returned.
Whether or not this is the end of this stage of my journey, I am still completely surrendered to Christ. I know that He has brought me through this, the hardest time in my life to date. The past 7 months have been surreal. The past 7 months have been like nothing I can even begin to describe. A precious friend talked to me the other night about the "dark night of the soul". That truly describes some of my days and nights over these past few months. Some days, I am totally okay with all of this...a warrior in the battle. Other days I feel like a helpless prisoner of war. Some days I have felt completely defeated spiritually and that is the absolute worse feeling I have ever known.
As we enter Easter Weekend, I am again reminded that God has done everything that He needed to do already. He gave me the only thing I truly need when He died on the cross and rose again, defeating death once and for all. When i asked Hm to be my Savior, He sealed my spot in Heaven. This is all I will ever truly need. He owes me nothing.
So, whether the pathology comes back good or bad, I am okay. My soul is secure. My Father loves me.
Hugs
K
one more time
The kids are at my mom in laws, I spent time last night explaining to Sweet Izzy that when I come home from the hospital i won't be able to talk at all for 4 weeks. (note to self: put a calender on the fridge so we can count down) She said "can you eben whiffer?" (can you even whisper?) Nope. No whispering either. She is okay with that. Then I talked to Brian. I told him that it is going to be worth it because after this I'll be able to talk again. He said "maybe". I hate that the most. He knows enough to know that we have thought that every surgery thus far was going to be the one that would bring the news we all want so much to hear "no more cancer".
Maybe this one will be it.
I have come to look forward to the surgeries in a weird sort of way. at least it seems like we are doing something pro-active when we are scheduling and having surgery. It's the waiting and wondering what the next test is going to tell us that is so terribly hard. as long as i have cancer on my cords, CIS or otherwise, there is always a little part of me that is wondering if it is "growing" in between surgeries.
At least this time I do have an explanation as to why i can't talk and I have actually asked God to please let it just bee a Granuloma.
What ever it is, it is coming out today and we'll know in a few days what it is and what the cancer is doing.
I should be in the OR around 8 this morning.
I'll post again when I am home and awake...and on pain meds....ha ha
Have a great day!
K
Maybe this one will be it.
I have come to look forward to the surgeries in a weird sort of way. at least it seems like we are doing something pro-active when we are scheduling and having surgery. It's the waiting and wondering what the next test is going to tell us that is so terribly hard. as long as i have cancer on my cords, CIS or otherwise, there is always a little part of me that is wondering if it is "growing" in between surgeries.
At least this time I do have an explanation as to why i can't talk and I have actually asked God to please let it just bee a Granuloma.
What ever it is, it is coming out today and we'll know in a few days what it is and what the cancer is doing.
I should be in the OR around 8 this morning.
I'll post again when I am home and awake...and on pain meds....ha ha
Have a great day!
K
Saturday, April 4, 2009
4th Surgery will be Tuesday April 7
Went to see Dr S yesterday morning and got some promising news. I have a huge growth in the area just above my cords. He thinks it is a Granuloma. It is blocking about 2/3 of my airway and is preventing my cords from touching. I am so relieved! The picture of this thing leaves absolutely no doubt as to why I cannot speak! Thank you God for answering my prayer! I have no reason to think that I won't have my voice back once this thing is out of my throat.
We couldn't see the cord underneath the Granuloma and that's the cord that is misbehaving, so I have no visual indication of what this next biopsy will reveal.
I did ask Dr S if he was going to call me a few days after surgery and tell me that the Granuloma was not a Granuloma afterall. He said that normally he would say no, but since this is me we are talking about, all bets are off and anything is possible. BUT He said that this thing truly does not look anything like cancer.
So, MAYBE we are in for some really good news this time!
Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday Morning. He will remove the Granuloma dn biopsy the cord again. I would think that he'll call me as soon as we have the pathology results, but I am going to ask Tuesday Morning to make sure he is planning to.
He did say that he will "prescribe" a longer period of voice restriction this time....and I am none too hapy about that. BUT my sweet friends Danyelle, Tynes, and Teddie gave me dry erase baords and a cool book what I have put "commonly used phrases" in.
Total silence for 4 weeks is sooooo worth being able to talk afterwards!
Hugs
K
We couldn't see the cord underneath the Granuloma and that's the cord that is misbehaving, so I have no visual indication of what this next biopsy will reveal.
I did ask Dr S if he was going to call me a few days after surgery and tell me that the Granuloma was not a Granuloma afterall. He said that normally he would say no, but since this is me we are talking about, all bets are off and anything is possible. BUT He said that this thing truly does not look anything like cancer.
So, MAYBE we are in for some really good news this time!
Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday Morning. He will remove the Granuloma dn biopsy the cord again. I would think that he'll call me as soon as we have the pathology results, but I am going to ask Tuesday Morning to make sure he is planning to.
He did say that he will "prescribe" a longer period of voice restriction this time....and I am none too hapy about that. BUT my sweet friends Danyelle, Tynes, and Teddie gave me dry erase baords and a cool book what I have put "commonly used phrases" in.
Total silence for 4 weeks is sooooo worth being able to talk afterwards!
Hugs
K
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